That Which Does Not Kill You
by Chicago Firestarter
Summary: Makes You Stronger. This is my vision of where season two will go. It picks up with pregnant Renee Royce on Kelly's doorstep. Each chapter is like a different episode in the season. Severide drama throughout - lots of angsty moments of course. Last two chapters up!
1. Chapter 1

**Yes, I'm stealing, I mean borrowing, the Nietzsche quote, "That which does not kill you makes you stronger" for this story. It's all Severide drama and turmoil, of course! Don't worry I'm not killing Kelly. **

**Sorry, I'll take the "bad" one every time. Sawyer over Jack. Karev over Derek. Pacey over Dawson.**

**This is what I see happening in season two, picking up with Renee showing up pregnant. I've outlined the entire season and hope you enjoy where I'm taking Kelly.**

**Thanks to everyone who reviews. It's fun to see what you like and what you don't like so much. Well, here we go...**

* * *

"Renee!" Kelly's shocked look turned to excitement as he took a step closer to this woman he had loved. He considered running away to Madrid with her to try and live out a happily ever after. Hell, he'd even bought the plane ticket.

"Hi," she said softly.

"I didn't know that you'd be in town," said Kelly with a huge smile dimmed only slightly as he glanced back at Shay.

He was confused, not sure what was going on. They had very little conversation since she left. A few random texts, but no real communication. Renee's heart had been broken. Kelly knew this and wasn't proud of it.

Shay gave a quick grin but then smile fading away as certain realizations were setting in.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you in person." Renee placed both hands on her stomach displaying a definite baby bump.

Kelly's smile was gone, replaced by a look of utter shock, disbelief in what he was looking at. He glanced back at Shay. For what? Some indication of what to do?

How could this be happening? Now?

Shay gave him another small, forced smile.

Long pause.

Renee's worried look only grew more intense with each passing second, each moment of no response from Kelly.

Kelly couldn't respond. He was at a loss. Yes, he was ready for a baby, looking forward to a baby. A baby with his best friend, with Shay.

He fully expected to be a father within the next couple of months.

He couldn't wait.

Shay couldn't wait.

The day had been full of drama - the prison standoff, almost losing a friend, the disappointing news from the clinic, then the high of being asked to be Kenny Hermann's godparents. Jesus, one hell of a day.

Finally, Kelly put one hand on Renee's stomach, on the baby, his baby.

He quickly shifted his eyes back at Shay again. He felt like a rope being pulled in two very different directions. A rope that was about to snap.

Kelly's lost smile was back as he looked reassuringly into Renee's eyes. He pulled her in close and kissed her on the head. Renee closed her eyes as relief swept over her.

Kelly held her tightly against his body, stroking the back of her head, no words.

Smile gone.

Shay was feeling the part of outsider, not a role she was used to with her best friend. She finally looked down, her eyes unable to take in this sight of this couple clinging to each other. Her heart not ready for this. As each second passed she could feel her baby dreams slipping out of reach.

By the time the three headed upstairs Kelly felt like a windup toy just going through the motions. He was numb. He also realized they had to talk tonight. None of this would wait till morning.

Shay excused herself to her room and Kelly's heart broke a little as she gave him that tight lipped smile one last time for the night. She quickly pat Kelly's back a couple of times on her way up.

Kelly felt like he just let down his best friend. He hadn't meant to, hadn't planned for any of this. But, nonetheless, messed up again. He would let her down the same way all the Severide men let down their women...and their children.

_-0-_

_"Daddy, daddy! Look at me!" Kelly was climbing back on the large tree stump in his front yard, waiting for Benny to look, then he jumped off, arms outstretched like he was flying. He did this over and over. Proud. Each time was like the first._

_Benny grew impatient. He was in a hurry, going to be late. How the hell was that going to look? Lieutenant of squad strolling in late._

_"Yes, Kelly. Good job," Benny yelled in the general direction of his son._

_He was looking for a particular pair of gloves and one was missing in action._

_"Benny, you haven't forgotten have..." began Corinne, Kelly's mom._

_"Of course not," interrupted Benny. "Do you think you could help me look for the other one?" asked Benny holding up the lone glove._

_Corinne found the matching glove in Kelly's room under his bed. She smiled thinking of how Kelly would pretend to be squad's leader imitating Benny, barking orders._

_Benny smiled when he saw the glove and called to his son. "Kelly, c'mon, let's go! Double time!"_

_Kelly knew he had to hurry. He didn't want his dad mad. At this young age he knew not to do that._

_Kelly slipped off the stump and landed on his knees. He got up quickly not even looking at where the hurt was coming from._

_"Jesus Christ, Kelly. Look! " Benny said pointing to his son's knees._

_"I'll get him cleaned up, it'll just take a second," said Corinne sweeping Kelly up in her arms._

_"No time! Look at him. Gotta go. Sorry, son. Next time." Benny rubbed his son's head roughly. And with that he was gone._

_Only then did Kelly feel the tears come to his eyes. Benny was gone without one thought of the four-year-old he left crying, bleeding, and so disappointed. Kelly sobbed into his mom's shoulder._

_Corinne held him tight knowing there was time enough to clean up bloodied knees and wipe a tear soaked face. Now was a time for broken promises and watching a hero's cape slip a little closer to the floor._

-0-

Kelly and Renee settled at the dining room table, an awkward silence filling the room.

What was this, thought Kelly. There'd never been any awkwardness with them. They hadn't dated long but it was full steam ahead with them. They had seen each other as much as possible, conversation came easy, along with the sex.

Then Kelly let Renee get on that plane to Madrid. Alone.

He knew he couldn't run away from his problems, from the crack in his vertebrae, from squad, from his best friend.

He ended up following the advice of his dad, "Disappoint anyone. Hell, disappoint everyone. But don't EVER disappoint yourself."

Renee and Kelly broke the silence at the same time.

"Kelly, let me explain..."

"You look beautiful..."

They laughed, all awkwardness gone.

"Ladies first," Kelly said.

"Well..." Renee began slowly. "Let me start with, I am pregnant."

Nervous laughter.

"I was as surprised as you look. I took five pregnancy tests. I just couldn't believe it. You know I was on the pill."

Kelly knew that. He hadn't worried about birth control. This was an educated woman who wasn't getting knocked up by accident.

"I missed a day. Just one day and I doubled up the next day. You remember? My stomach was a little queasy because I took two pills and we ended up not going to that Chinese place."

Kelly did remember. They had stayed in and it ended up being a great decision. His neck pain totally forgotten that night. Damn gymnast and that flexibility.

"You said it was no big deal," questioned Kelly.

"It wasn't. Well, I thought it wasn't. Apparently wrong," Renee smiled nervously. "I'd done it before many times. My OB/GYN said I was part of that tiny, unlucky percentage that gets pregnant after missing one pill. Almost unheard of," Renee's voice trailed off.

"Lucky," said Kelly simply.

"What do you mean?" asked Renee.

"Don't say unlucky. It's our baby, Royce," said Kelly gaining a little of his former self. He was already feeling less shell shocked.

Kelly was realizing this would be the most important thing to ever happen to him. This was his chance to do the right thing. Hell yeah he could step up, he thought. No more listening to his dad's bullshit advice. There was no way he was disappointing Renee right now and sure as hell not disappointing his baby.

"God Kelly, I didn't know what to do. I dreaded telling you. My stomach's been in knots. I knew I had to tell you. I just didn't know how." Renee felt like she could breathe for the first time in weeks.

She'd been going through the motions at work, putting on a fake smile, deciding to book a flight, actually getting on the plane, and now here...sitting at a table with Kelly. Telling him everything. She'd run the scene through her mind so many times, all the possible reactions. Yes, she could now breathe.

"We got this. We're gonna work it out. It's gonna be great." Kelly had a huge smile on his face. He grabbed Renee's hands and held them tight.

Renee let the tears fall, tears of relief, tears of happiness, tears of hope for their baby.

The next morning Shay was already gone when Kelly woke up. He spent a sleepless night on the couch getting maybe two hours of sleep, tops. He must have just dozed off when she slipped out.

They had to talk. He could only imagine what she was thinking. That damn disappointment again. He knew there was no avoiding disappointing Shay.

No choice.

Shay couldn't wait to get to the station away from her roommate and his, his, what was she? Ex-girlfriend? Mother of his child?

"Dawson, hey you're never gonna believe this," started Shay but before she could say another word her friend told what had happened at Casey's. What she found. How broken he really was.

"Jesus, had no idea."

"Yeah, none of us did. We gotta do something for him. All of us."

They began a plan to feed Casey, keep Casey busy, just be there for him. They'd enlist everyone's help. Shay didn't tell Dawson that Kelly would probably be busy. She didn't mention any of it.

No, didn't seem right. Hallie was dead and Casey was in crisis. Her baby drama could wait.

Kelly didn't come in. He spent the day with Renee. They shopped for baby things. The idea of a baby was becoming more real to him with each purchase.

"What do you think about this?" Renee held up a jumper that was supposed to be unisex.

"If we have a boy, there's no way in hell my son is putting that on. That looks, looks..." Kelly saw the amused look on Renee's face.

"You're screwin with me, right?"

Renee laughed as she put the offending outfit back on the rack.

"Yeah, I'm screwin with you," she laughed harder. "Don't worry Severide. If we have a boy, only boy clothes, I promise."

She let herself think about a mini Severide running around, all boy, all Kelly.

"You hungry?" asked Kelly.

"Uh, yeah, always. I think I'm going to weigh 200 pounds before this baby gets here."

Kelly grabbed her hand and headed to a diner around the corner. They'd been there many times. She smiled when she realized where they were going.

"This feels right," Kelly said as they entered.

Renee couldn't have agreed more.


	2. Chapter 2

**No Shay in this one...she plays a big role in the next chapter. Thank you to everyone who reads and reviews! Enjoy!**

* * *

"You weren't kidding," Kelly teased as he watched Renee finish off a Caesar salad big enough to feed a small third world country.

"I'm callin' it. Two hundred pounds!" said Renee joking, or at least she hoped she was joking.

The pair talked for over two hours. Kelly was thrilled when Renee told him her company was letting her transfer back. She was too valuable for them to tell her no, and with the pregnancy, she could kind of call the shots.

She'd been smart and kept her place, not giving it up for some reason. Renee would stay there tonight.

They headed back to her place and Kelly brought in the mountain of baby stuff they'd bought.

"We have enough for twins," laughed Kelly dropping the huge load in his arms.

"If you EVER say that again, I'm going back and getting that jumper! "

Renee sat on her couch taking off her shoes, rubbing her feet. All the walking had her exhausted. Kelly came and sat next to her wanting to rub her neck and back.

"Want me to massage your neck a little?" he asked unsure of what was acceptable.

"Oh, yes," Renee said sweeping her hair to one side.

Kelly began with her neck, gently pushing his thumbs into the tight parts. He worked down her shoulders and further down her back. She made a little sound of delight and it brought back memories of nights when she let out other sounds of delight.

"Renee," said Kelly stopping the massage, "this has been a great day. This whole thing is gonna be the best thing. Thank you for comin' back and telling me, including me."

"Thank you Kelly for being who I thought you were, who I knew you were." Renee felt tears coming to her eyes. "God, I've been so emotional lately."

Kelly brushed her tears with his thumbs and pulled her in close. He wanted to kiss her, but knew it was too soon, way too soon. Hell, he'd just found out he was going to be a father last night. No, right now a hug was enough.

"Don't kill me, but I've gotta go. I'll be back tomorrow whenever you want. We can get the crib, pick out a paint color, whatever you need." Kelly was glad he had three days off.

"I will call you in the morning? Or do you just want to come over?"

"I'll be over at, say, nine?" Kelly asked.

"Perfect," said Renee.

"Perfect," smiled Kelly, hugging her one more time before heading out.

Kelly got home to an empty apartment. He was also exhausted, physically and emotionally. He wanted to avoid the conversation coming with Shay.

He knew she had to be so disappointed, so let down. One minute they are making baby plans, the next minute Kelly's preparing for a baby that has nothing to do with her.

What am I gonna say? Do? Nothing will make this okay in her mind, thought Kelly. Nothing. That was why he didn't want the conversation to come.

Kelly started dinner. Shay would at least be happy with that. It would be a spaghetti night, easiest thing to make. Small salad, a little garlic bread...done.

Shay walked in an hour later not knowing what to expect. She found Kelly alone at the dining room table waiting for her. He had two glasses of wine poured, table set, garlic bread in a basket.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey," she answered.

"You okay?" he asked.

"I guess. You?" Shay wasn't sure where to even begin.

"Yeah, but I was worried about you all day. Shay, I am so sorry, maybe we can..."

"Just stop," interrupted Shay. "I thought we were going to be pregnant yesterday. I was sure WE would be getting good news, but now."

"I didn't plan this," Kelly interrupted.

"No shit. What are you? Like sixteen? Hell, you're thirty Kelly! What thirty year old doesn't know about birth control. I'd think you had it down to a science with your vast experience." The bitter disappointment of last night was coming tumbling out of Shay's mouth.

"Shay, I'm so damn sorry. I want you to be in this. You're gonna be a huge part of my baby's life." Kelly's voice was barely a whisper. He knew that whatever he said would not be good enough.

"I don't want that. I'm having my own baby, Kelly. I'm going with my original plan and I'm finding a sperm donor. It was a stupid idea in the first place, so don't worry about it!" Shay grabbed her glass of wine and ran upstairs slamming her bedroom door.

Kelly thought of his mom. The bitter disappointment in Shay's voice sounded like his own mother's voice.

-0-

_"Benny, can we at least talk about this?" pleaded Kelly's mom to her husband._

_Kelly was peeking from around the hallway corner. He heard his mom crying...again. He wanted to rush out and grab her legs, hold her legs really tight. He didn't move._

_"Corinne, we've been over this and over this. I don't want another kid. You're always bitchin' about my job, how I'm never around. And you gotta admit, Kelly's a handful." Benny was putting on his boots barely looking at his wife._

_"He's four now and so much easier. Let's give him a little brother. Things will be better Benny," Corinne was practically sobbing._

_Kelly felt a hot wetness on his face and quickly used his sleeve to wipe his eyes and nose._

_"Gotta go. Just not in the cards for us. I'll be home in three days and we can talk more then if you really want." Benny gave his wife a quick kiss on the cheek._

_"No, you're right. Not in the cards for us," said Corinne wiping her face with her sleeve almost the same way Kelly was._

_Benny gave a quick smile and headed out. Corinne sprawled out on her bed, face buried in her pillow._

_Kelly waited until he heard the door slam before he went to his parents' bedroom._

_He slowly pulled himself up on the bed and laid down next to his mom._

_"Mommy, don't cry. Don't cry. I won't be a hand-ful. I won't." Kelly hugged Corinne and didn't understand why this seemed to make her sobs louder._

-0-

Unlike Benny, Kelly was a fixer. He solved problems, he always tried to make things better for his friends, especially Shay.

Kelly wanted to make everything good with Shay now but knew it was impossible. There is nothing I can do for her, he thought. Nothing. There is no fix.

The guilt had been creeping in all day. Each purchase brought more guilt. Guilt at letting Shay down but mostly guilt at how excited he was getting over his baby...with Renee.

The next morning Shay headed to the station before Kelly even thought of getting up. He had figured that would be the drill. He quickly showered, heading to Renee's early, too excited to wait around.

He knocked on the door. No answer. Louder the second time.

Was she okay, he thought. Maybe he should just bust down the door? Before he turned into full squad lieutenant mode, Renee answered, hair still wet.

"Sorry, in the shower," she explained towel drying her hair.

"No, sorry, I'm really early." Kelly shut the door behind him and headed for a bar stool.

"Help yourself to coffee, juice, whatever. I'm going to finish getting ready," Renee came over to Kelly giving him a quick peck on the cheek.

She did it so absentmindedly, she didn't really think about it, just an old habit.

Kelly didn't know how to respond, taken off guard. He reached to give her a hug but missed and brushed her elbow a little.

She rushed off to her bedroom leaving Kelly wondering what just happened. I touched her elbow, he thought. Smooth.

By the time she came out, Kelly had made a list of everything he thought they should get done for the day.

"A list?" laughed Renee.

"Sorry, it's lame. Just excited. Sorry," Kelly repeated, balling up the list.

"No, no! It's cute. You're just not a list-maker, Kelly. Let me see."

He handed it over awkwardly.

"Looks good," said Renee. "And, here's my list," she said smiling handing Kelly a piece of paper at the end of the bar.

Kelly laughed. Both lists were almost identical.

"Let's do it." Kelly held open the door for Renee and felt like a little kid ready for the first day of school.

Renee just laughed again looking at Kelly's face. Yes, he had surprised her, in a good way. Thank God, she thought. Thank you, God.

Her smile disappeared at the thought of her visitors arriving tomorrow.

Her parents were flying in from Santa Barbara at three o'clock the following day. She would have to find a good time to break it to Kelly. Of course, they wanted to meet the man who got their daughter pregnant, who was supposed to go to Madrid, who disappointed their baby so desperately. Stomach in knots again.

They bought all the baby furniture, crib, dresser, changing table. Kelly had insisted on paying.

"I have a lot saved up, no bullshit. Please let me do this," he insisted.

Renee agreed. She didn't want to ruin the day with an argument.

At lunch she had to tell him about her parents' visit.

"My parents are coming in tomorrow from California," she blurted out.

Kelly had a mouthful of sandwich and Renee thought she would have to give the heimlich. Kelly quit choking, drank some water, and finally spoke.

"I'm takin' it they wanna meet me?" he asked knowing the answer.

Hell yeah, her dad would want to meet the asshole who dumped his daughter, who thought of himself, who picked squad over his baby.

"Yes," said Renee quietly. "But don't worry."

"Um, any time someone says 'don't worry' I've learned you should be worried." Kelly smiled as he reached for one of Renee's hands.

"But, you don't worry. You don't need any stress. It'll be okay," Kelly tried to convince himself as much as Renee.

"It will. They're going to see what a good man you are."

"I hope," said Kelly feeling like that was asking for a miracle.

The couple finished their day of shopping and ended up back at Renee's. She pulled Kelly's favorite beer out of her fridge.

"Thanks!" he said wondering when she picked that up. Probably had groceries delivered he thought. He also thought this woman was way too good for him. But if she would take him...

He had an idea percolating and would have a busy evening ahead.

They talked for a little while falling into their comfortable way with each other. Kelly got up to leave and Renee came around to hug him goodbye. She put his hands on her stomach and he couldn't believe how warm it was. He couldn't believe that his baby was growing in there, getting bigger each day. He wiped one eye and Renee put her hands on his face.

She pulled him in and kissed him. Not on the head, not the cheek. No. This was full on the lips. Kelly stroked the back of her head feeling a passion he hadn't felt in months.

She pulled away finally.

"Sorry, I don't know where that came from," said Renee clearly embarrassed.

"Don't be crazy. We're going to be parents. We're a team. We were in love," Kelly added the last part immediately regretting it. Too soon, too much, he thought.

"Yes," she said simply.

Kelly left the apartment knowing what he would do, more convinced of it than ever. He had made plans for dinner with Renee and her parents at 6:30. He would be ready.

It was finally time to leave and Kelly was more than ready. He'd had a busy day, but all in anticipation for this dinner.

He never really cared what anyone thought of him. Like him or not, no sweat off his back. This was different. These people had to like him. They would be linked through a baby for the rest of their lives.

Kelly cleaned up nicely. He'd shaved, worn dress pants, dress shirt and blue blazer. He was dressed like he gave a shit and he did.

Kelly was the first one to arrive at the restaurant and decided to wait up front. He could walk Renee to the table. He didn't want to look like he owned the place already sitting at the table. He could sure use some ice water right now, he thought.

As each minute ticked by, he grew more nervous. They were officially two minutes late, but it felt more like thirty.

What if they refused to meet him? What if they were arguing right now at Renee's place? Kelly got out his phone. No texts. He tried to breathe. He finally asked the maitre d for a glass of ice water. He was downing it in huge gulps when the Royce family arrived.

He rushed over to them awkwardly handing his empty glass to the hostess on his way. She gave him a "this isn't my job" look which didn't help his confidence.

"Renee, you look beautiful," he said hugging her quickly. No kiss, he didn't want pops to kill him before they even reached the table.

"Mr. and Mrs. Royce, so nice to meet you." Kelly extended his hand.

Mr. Royce had the look of a man with confidence...and money. If Kelly knew anything about clothes, he would have realized this man's suit cost about one month of a firefighter's salary.

He returned Kelly's handshake with a stiff smile planted on his face.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Severide."

"Please, sir, call me Kelly." Kelly knew this would be a hard nut to crack.

Rene's mom pushed Kelly's hand out of the way.

"A hug seems so formal for the father of my only grandchild." She was a tiny woman, really petite, but gave a great hug. Both arms, full on, tight squeeze.

Once seated everyone just kind of looked at each other.

"So, you're a fireman, Mr. Severide?" questioned Mr. Royce. It actually sounded more like an accusation than question.

"Yes, sir. All my life. Love it." said Kelly with a smile.

"So I've heard," he muttered.

"We are so excited about the baby, Kelly," said Mrs. Royce. "Renee's an only child, so our first grandchild." She had a huge, genuine smile on her face.

"Couldn't agree with you more, Mrs. Royce! We bought so much baby stuff yesterday. Here, let me show you pictures." Kelly's enthusiasm was infectious.

Renee could tell he'd already won over her mom. She'd never seen him talk so much. He was going on about paint colors, baby clothes, the jumper Renee had picked out to tease him.

Mr. Royce couldn't believe his wife was falling for this kid so quick. He would have to remind her of Renee's tears, heartbreak when they got back to the apartment.

No reminders were necessary. Mrs. Royce had talked, consoled her daughter much more than he had. She heard much more of the story. She knew all too well the hopes Renee had with this young man.

Mrs. Royce made the decision to accept whatever came her way this night. She was an extremely intelligent woman who knew Renee would freeze them out if she didn't accept her grandchild's father. Fortunately, she was pleasantly surprised with Kelly. He was truly excited about the baby...already. He had honor and the way he looked at her daughter. Yes, they would be okay.

The table grew quiet for a few seconds and Kelly thought he'd better act before he lost his nerve.

"Mr. Royce." He turned to Renee's father. "I wanted to ask you in front of Renee and your wife. I wanted to ask you," Kelly was stuttering.

Renee was stunned. What the hell was Kelly doing? The evening had been going so well, mom completely won over and dad not killing Kelly.

"I wanted to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage," he finally spit out.

Everyone's mouth literally dropped open. Kelly was sweating so badly, he looked like he'd stopped at the gym and gotten in a quick workout.

He looked at Mr. Royce expectantly, but it was Renee who spoke.

"Kelly, what are you doing? Come here," Renee got up and led Kelly to the front and straight out of the building.

"Kelly, what the hell? The night was going so well. I can't marry you. The answer's no."


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you to those who read and review! Special thanks to blackberry959 and jh126 for ALWAYS leaving feedback. jh126, your nickname for daddy Royce is great - I'm using it. Wish we could have a viewing party next season, a little wine, yummy snacks, yummy Severide, haha. **

**Yes, every chapter is outlined, so it's coming fast. Hope you like!**

* * *

To say Kelly wasn't expecting that answer would be a huge understatement. He'd gotten just about whatever he wanted from any woman he'd seen, dated, and more.

When he'd proposed that one other time, to the first Renee, her reaction was epic. She'd almost hyperventilated. Kelly had been so sure they were forever. The way she acted, totally in love. For him it wasn't an act. Man, taken a long time to get over that one.

His face was utter disappointment, shock... He had nothing to say.

"Kelly, I wish you would have given me some warning. Jesus, what were you thinking? I just came back three days ago!" Renee was happy Kelly had taken the leap to fatherhood, but this, this was a leap off a cliff.

"Renee, I just wanna do this right, for once in my life. We should be married when the baby gets here."

"God, Kelly. If you'd come to Madrid, said you made a mistake, wanted to be with me after all... You don't know how many times I hoped for that. A phone call. Hell, I would've settled for a text telling me you couldn't live without me." Renee was crying now.

"Renee, I'm sorry. Let me make it right, the way it's supposed to be." Kelly could feel he was fighting a losing battle.

"When you marry someone, it's because of love AND because you can't imagine life without that person. You could live without me, Kelly. That's why you let me go. I can't marry you now because you think it's the right thing to do." Renee was sobbing now and Kelly had to do something to calm her down.

He didn't know what to say. She was right.

"Renee, I am sorry," he repeated. "I wish I could go back..."

"We can't Kelly, so let's go forward, okay." Renee was gaining her composure.

She knew her parents couldn't stay in there forever. She was surprised her dad hadn't come storming out kicking ass and taking names.

Kelly hugged her so tight wishing they could just stay like that forever. The thought of going back in and facing the Royce's sounded like hell.

What was he supposed to say? Just kidding? Not thinking everything through, story of his life. Take a breath, you can do this. No choice.

"Makin' a run for it, out of the question?" he asked.

Renee laughed trying to will herself to face her parents.

Kelly grabbed her hand and led her back in.

"I got this," he said knowing Renee didn't need this. He would take care of it, fix it. Take care of her, his baby...forever.

He walked in, smile on his face, pulling out Renee's chair for her.

"Renee, let's go," said Mr. Royce before Kelly was even seated.

"I'm ordering dessert. Renee, I know you want some," said Mrs. Royce with a quick pat on Kelly's hand. "Kelly, how about you?"

"I'm game," Kelly replied silently thanking Renee's mom.

"What're we splitting?" asked Renee also thanking God for giving her such a wonderful mom.

"Are we going to pretend that what just happened didn't occur?" demanded Mr. Royce.

"Yes, dear," said Mrs. Royce with a smile. "And don't be an ass."

With that Mr. Royce, shut his mouth for the rest of the night silently fuming. Dessert was bearable in a large part due to Renee's mom. Thankfully, dinner came to an end.

Kelly said his goodbyes and headed back to his place. He hoped Shay wouldn't be home. He knew it was selfish, but he honestly didn't have it in him tonight. He knew they had to talk again, just not tonight.

As he walked in, he could hear her tunes blasting from her room. He exhaled deeply and headed up the stairs.

He knocked loudly on her door. No answer. He turned the knob and found Shay on her bed, iPad in her hands. She turned off her music.

"What?" she asked.

Kelly walked to her bed and sat next to her. Shay could read that look on Kelly's face. She pushed herself up a little straighter and reached for Kelly.

"What happened? Is the baby okay?" Shay's love for her best friend kicked in. Anger gone, at least for one night. She knew he needed her.

"Baby's good. It's me." Kelly buried his head in Shay's lap. The full three days came pouring out. He hadn't rested, or come down from the prison standoff, now hit with a new baby, tonight total rejection. Kelly was wound so tight he felt like he was coming undone. He broke... with Shay stroking his back gently telling him everything would be alright.

Kelly was so exhausted and emotionally spent, he passed out right there on Shay's bed. She stretched him out on one side, covered him up, kissed his forehead, then headed to his room.

The next morning, she woke him up early. He came down to the kitchen and Shay handed him a cup of coffee.

"You okay?" she asked.

He told her about how great the two days had been. All leading up to the dinner with Renee's parents. How he decided to ask her to marry him, how she said no.

"What the hell, Kelly," Shay repeated Renee's words. "You thought proposing after a couple of days was a good idea? And THIS is why you need to talk to me before you make any big moves in your life."

She had a point, thought Kelly.

"I wanted to do the right thing."

"Kelly, you are. You're taking care of your baby. You're going to be there." Shay couldn't believe he'd asked for Mr. Royce's blessing. What universe was he living in?

The pair had to save the rest of the conversation for the car. They were both going in today.

Kelly felt better about one thing, They would be alright. Friendship would survive, a little worse for wear, but still kicking.

Shay ended up telling him about Casey, what Dawson found at his place.

"I don't mean to dump more shit on your overflowing plate, but I thought you should know." said Shay not sure if she did the right thing.

"No, I'm glad you told me. I've gotta fit in some time with Matt. I had no idea."

"None of us did. You have so much going on, Kelly." Shay knew he wouldn't have much time for anything but Renee and the baby. That was the way it had to be.

At the station, Kelly sought out Casey. He found him on the bag, going at it with a vengeance.

"Hey, got a minute?" Kelly asked his friend.

"Yeah, what's up?" Casey quit hitting and grabbed a towel. He motioned to a couple of chairs.

"I need your help." Kelly knew that the two times in his life when he'd experienced loss, real loss, it helped when he was doing something for other people. When he could forget about his own pain long enough to help someone else.

Kelly opened up and told Casey about Renee coming back, the baby, even the marriage proposal. He wasn't sure if he should tell it all. It would surely remind Casey of what he lost with Hallie, but he knew the honest truth was the only way to get his friend to bite.

Casey's eyes were enormous by the end.

"Kelly, congratulations!" Casey got up and gave Kelly a handshake which was quickly pulled into a hug. "You're going to be a dad!"

"Yes, but now to the help part. I got two left thumbs and all that baby furniture comin' in tomorrow looks like a damn engineering project." Kelly could put that crib together in the dark. He'd just put Wesley's together less than five months ago.

"Yeah, I'll do it. I look forward to it! When do you want me over?"

"Wednesday, if you can swing it," said Kelly with a certain desperation in his voice.

"I'll be there. Oh, and what made you think a marriage proposal was a good idea? You know you gotta talk to Shay before you do anything like that."

"She said the same thing. She also said a few other things."

The two laughed as they made their way to the common room. Shay gave Kelly a "thank you" look. Impossible to stay mad at him, she thought. Impossible.

Casey headed to the showers and Dawson headed straight for Kelly.

"Severide, you are a damn miracle worker. I don't know how you did that, but thank you." She hugged Kelly awkwardly as Shay snorted from a nearby table.

"Get a room!" yelled Mouch from behind his paper.

"Jealous!" yelled Kelly back.

"I asked Matt to help with all the baby furniture," explained Kelly.

"What are you talking about? What baby furniture?" Dawson was at a loss.

Kelly couldn't believe Shay hadn't told her work wife about his baby. He'd assumed she'd bitched about what a dumb ass he was, how he had let her down... Leslie Shay, you do surprise me, he thought.

Kelly texted Renee throughout the day. He laid out his Casey plans and she thought it was a great idea.

Kelly told her about Hallie during their first shopping day. She had been so sad and concerned, Kelly knew she would be such a good mother. Anyone who could feel that deeply had the stuff that makes a great mom.

Renee was also thinking about what an awesome dad Kelly was going to be. He could love, not just women, but his friends too. She'd seen it with Vargas, with Shay, now with Casey. Yeah, he had the right stuff.

The day turned out to be a slow one. Ambulance needed twice and that was it. Kelly slept as much as he could, spending his waking moments with Shay or Casey. It was going to be a long three days.

Finally, his off days had arrived. He drove Shay back to their place, showered quickly, then headed over to Renee's. They were going to try dinner with her parents again, this time at her apartment.

Kelly got there early to help cook and to find out what was going on with Renee's mom and dad these past three days.

Renee told him how her mom was completely won over, but her dad was being more stubborn. Kelly was sure Daddy Roycebucks was never going to come around, but he kept that to himself.

"Don't worry. You need to stay stress free. Your dad loves you." Kelly reassured.

Renee just laughed doubtfully at the "stress free" comment.

Dinner was much better the second time around. Kelly and Mr. Royce found a bit of common ground talking about boats. Turns out Renee's dad was a yacht enthusiast and couldn't help but respond to Kelly when the conversation turned to their shared love.

Kelly knew what he was talking about and was genuinely impressed with the pictures of the Royce vessel. No one else knew one thing about his "other" baby, so Mr. Royce was enjoying Kelly's knowledge and enthusiasm.

"Maybe you can join Renee the next time she comes to Santa Barbara. I'll take you out, if you want." Mr. Royce didn't want to sound too eager, but his wife's pleased look wasn't unnoticed by him. He told himself this was a way to get himself out of the doghouse, not an actual olive branch to her daughter's baby daddy.

"Sure, Mr. Royce. That'd be great!" Kelly was thrilled. Not with all the boat talk, but with the thawing out of Renee's dad.

Renee had bought an apple pie from their favorite bakery for dessert.

"This is to die for!" she said as she began slicing the work of art.

"You sure you wanna let us have any? You ARE eating for two," teased Kelly.

"Shut up. Oh, crap! I forgot the ice cream."

"I'll go," said Kelly grabbing his keys.

"No, Kelly we don't need any. This looks great," said Mrs. Royce.

"Dad? I know you love your a la mode!" Renee went over to hug her dad.

He gave a sad look and Kelly laughed. Okay, this guy was related to Renee after all.

"That settles it. I'll be right back." Kelly headed to the door.

"Wait I'm coming. Do you mind? We'll be right back." Renee was still hugging her dad.

"Just hurry. I can't guarantee that we won't start on this," said her mom eyeballing the pie.

Renee kissed her mom on the cheek and grabbed Kelly's hand as he led them out.

"Kelly! Oooh, I'm a happy girl!" Renee's smile stretched across her face. "I told you!"

"Calm down. I know, it's a good start." Kelly was smiling too. Hard to deny that he was maybe cracking old Royce after all.

"My mom already loves you! You are going to have my dad eating out of your hand when we go to California."

"Okay, you're scaring me now. You're mom loves me, huh?" Kelly teased. What a great night, he thought.

"Now you calm down," laughed Renee.

"Maybe she wants her own marriage propos..." Kelly was laughing so hard, he could barely get the words out.

Renee was so happy. She couldn't remember laughing this hard since...when? Couldn't remember a time.

She looked up to glance at Kelly and saw it half a second before Kelly felt it.

The truck hit Kelly's side with such force, it tossed his Camaro like a toy. The car flew a good twenty feet and then began to roll finally landing against a building, right side up.

Renee tried opening her eyes, confused, not knowing what was going on. She heard some sound, moaning. She tried forcing her eyes open, but they were so tightly closed. Her whole body was flinching, a tight ball, her neck and shoulders in excruciating pain.

Renee looked down at her stomach, her baby. She touched all around and found no blood. Her face was wet, tears only, no blood. She heard the horrible sound again, like some animal, and looked over at Kelly.

Her brain couldn't take in what she saw. Kelly's head was slumped forward. He wasn't moving at all. She looked at the stream of blood coming from his head. It was dripping from his cheek, the one closest to the window, the one she couldn't see.

Drip, drip, drip. She could hear the sound of his blood. She saw the car kind of wrapped into his left side. She couldn't see his leg, his arm, his shoulder...his whole left side was one with his car.

Renee didn't know she was in shock. She didn't know that help had already arrived and the EMTs were checking her vitals. She didn't know where that sound was coming from. She would have been horrified to realize it was coming from her and not Kelly.

The father of her baby wasn't making a sound...no, Kelly was silent. Completely still and silent.


	4. Chapter 4

Hermann and Cruz were on duty. All the other station 51 regulars were off. Hermann was the first to see it was Kelly's car.

"Oh shit, no, no..." he said running to the mangled mess. Cruz was right behind.

One of the EMTs was putting Renee on a stretcher. She was completely out of it, babbling incoherently.

Hermann ran to her first. His wife had just given birth, complicated, messy, but a perfect baby boy joined their already huge family. It'd left Hermann emotionally raw. He still wasn't over it.

"Renee! You're going to be fine. Just breathe." He looked at the guy working on her then down at her stomach. Hermann felt tears forming, but Cruz was there to be the rock on this day.

"Her blood pressure is extremely high. We gotta get her out of here now!" The paramedic pushed them out of the way.

"Hermann," said Cruz steadying his friend by holding his shoulders. "Let's get Severide outta there." He pushed his friend forward.

They joined two members of squad they didn't work with much, always on different shifts.

Cruz was working extra shifts to help pay for his brother's tuition. Hermann was filling in with this crew because Boden called and asked personally. He hadn't worked since the standoff, so he really couldn't say no.

"It's Lieutenant Severide," said Cruz as they made their way closer, looking in through the passenger side window.

"No shit. Stay out of our way and we'll get him out of here!" Torres was the head honcho of squad when Kelly wasn't in.

He didn't mean to be rude, kind of his personality. He also had the same drive as Kelly and wasn't about to see a fellow firefighter, hell, a fellow squad brother die on his watch.

"Get the jaws now!" he screamed to his crew. No need. The jaws of life were at his side, him grabbing them roughly and going to work.

"Get in the other side. Tell me what you see! I don't want to rip his fucking arm off!"

"C'mon! Whad'ya see?" Torres was screaming.

Cruz had his arms on Hermann's shoulders, steadying his shaken friend. They watched from the side unable to do anything. These were men not used to standing by.

Hermann called in the car, "Severide, hang in there. They'll get you out in a second, bud."

He wasn't happy with the huge pool of blood dripping under the car coming from Kelly, from some part of Kelly unseen.

"You gotta do it, Torres! He's bleeding like a son of a bitch! I'm stayin' here. I'll let you know if I think you're killin' him. Go!"

Torres used the cutter and sliced from the windshield back.

Not a sound from Kelly. That was the most disturbing for Cruz...all that blood, yanking the car away from Severide, and not one sound.

Torres used the spreader and began pulling the side away.

"Stop! Stop! You're gonna rip his leg off! Jesus, that's where all the blood's coming from. Give me a second."

"You've got two seconds! Hurry up! All that fucking blood, it's gotta be the femoral!" Torres' words were met by total silence.

"C'mon, get him out!" shouted Cruz unable to just stand there. He rushed over to the passenger side and peered in.

"Shut the fuck up! Whad'ya think were doing?" yelled Torres.

""Use the spreader inside! Separate the dash from Severide!" screamed Cruz knowing he was seeing his friend slip away. If he wasn't already dead.

"Yeah, bring it over!"

Torres had the spreader in the car and Kelly freed in minutes.

The paramedics dropped him on a stretcher and got to work. Drew Williams was a good friend of Shay and Dawson's. He knew who this was, who he was trying to save.

He'd seen Severide drag so many victims out of a burning building, car wreck...most half alive, all would have died if not for the sheer determination of the lieutenant. Drew never thought he'd see Kelly in this situation. Yes, Severide had pulled so many miracles, Drew was hoping for one right now.

There was no way he wanted to meet his friends at the hospital with bad news.

"Find that bleed." Drew was calm. As fiery as Dawson was, Drew was as calm. His partner was looking, feeling for the severed artery. Both paramedics knew it had to be the femoral and it had to be stopped now.

"Got it. Clamped."

Cruz could see that Hermann was losing it and fast.

"Let's get to County and meet Severide there. C'mon, Hermann, they got this. He's gonna be fine."

Cruz put his arm around his friend and pushed him to the truck. Hermann was numb, letting himself be led.

Cruz called Boden and was glad to hear his booming voice say that he would contact everyone.

"It's Severide, he'll be fine." Cruz relayed the message and Hermann came out of his haze. If Chief said it, it had to be true. Right?

Shay and Dawson were the first to arrive.

"Drew, oh God..." Shay was trembling, not knowing if she wanted to know what happened.

"We got him here alive. He's alive, Shay," said Drew kind of shaking his friend.

"What happened? How bad is it?" asked Dawson realizing she was going to have to take charge.

"Femoral artery at least partially severed. We got it clamped, but so much blood loss. Gash on the head, I'm sure a concussion. Looked like the impact came on his side. Ribs looked bad, but honestly just worried about the leg."

Boden came rushing in ready to take charge. He went straight to the nurses' station.

"I need an update on my lieutenant, Severide, Kelly Severide." He was calm but there was no mistaking that his words weren't a request. He demanded answers, now.

Shay and Dawson were flanking him waiting for the nurse to respond. She was on her computer.

"Looks like they're working on him up here still. He's not in surgery, so that's good news. Let me see what else I can dig up." She gave Boden a little wink and smile and headed off.

Boden put his arm around Shay and leaned his head in a little.

"He's the strongest son of a bitch I know. He's going to be fine... and pissed we're all here worried." Boden forced a smile with Dawson following suit.

"What about Renee. Has anyone checked on her?" asked Boden.

Shay just shook her head no. Honestly, she hadn't given one thought to Kelly's... his, whatever she was to him. Mother of his child.

Boden found another nurse to ask about Renee's condition.

"Renee Royce was also brought in here. Do you have any news on her condition? She's pregnant." Boden didn't like the look she got from the nurse.

"Are you family?"

"No, just a concerned friend. She's expecting a baby with my lieutenant. Kelly Severide."

"I'm so sorry, but I can't release any information to you. We've contacted her family, and they are on the way. Should be here any minute," the nurse said nervously.

This couldn't be good news. Shay knew that if everything was fine, the nurse would've given them a little heads up to alleviate their fears. No information. This was bad.

"Chief. Kelly's baby," Shay's voice broke thinking of the unthinkable. Dawson led her to some chairs.

"Hey, they're all going to be fine and we're going to be stuck babysitting and dealing with Kelly's bitching from sleepless nights," Dawson rubbed Shay's arm knowing that what she said was a lie.

There was no way the nurse would have reacted like that if Renee and baby were fine.

Boden walked over to them with the first nurse.

"Good news. Kelly's improving," Boden had a genuine smile on his face looking at the nurse.

"He a partial tear of the femoral artery that's been sewed up. Internal and external sutures on his leg, so infection will be our biggest concern in the coming days. His head hit pretty hard, but it looks like a concussion only, no swelling or brain bleed. He must have a hard head," said the nurse with a smile on her face.

"Hardest damn head I've seen," said Boden thinking of all the times he'd gone at it with Severide, all the times Casey had gone at it, Shay...

Shay laughed a little but really wanted her to continue.

"He did suffer a huge blood loss, but he's responded well to the transfusion. He came in with hypovolemic shock, but we've warmed him up and, like I said, responding really, really well."

Shay was shaking, really crying now. She'd never seen Kelly hurt like this. Yes, he had a damn broken neck, but just kept on working, little signs of pain, but hiding the full extent for months.

He'd come out of a burning building with bruises, cuts, slight burns, but nothing like this. Nothing where he would agree to spend the night in the hospital. Ever. It was always, "Hell, no! I'm goin' home."

"Can we see him?" asked Dawson knowing that they all needed to get confirmation that he was truly indestructible.

Before the nurse could answer, the Royces came running into the emergency room.

"My daughter, Renee Royce was brought in," pleaded Mr. Royce.

A nurse immediately shuffled them to a side room.

Shay, Dawson, and Boden just watched them be led away, not saying a word. They stared at the door as it closed.

They heard a loud scream. "No!" They heard more screams, actually more like wails. Shay guessed they were from Mrs. Royce. Shay didn't think she could cry any harder. She was wrong. Dawson's eyes were filling up. Boden was holding both of them, one in each arm.

They knew what was happening, what was going on behind that door.

A few minutes later, the couple was led out of that room and to another area, further down, again taken to a room.

Shay guessed their daughter and grandchild were in there.

The nurse spoke, "So sad. I'm so very, very sorry." She took a deep breath. "You can definitely see your friend when he gains consciousness. He's going to need you."

She led them back to the chairs and promised to get them when Kelly woke up.

They didn't say a word. What could be said? The obvious... how terrible, senseless. No, they sat in silence. Almost silence. They could hear more crying, loud crying from the Royces. They heard her name being called over and over.

Shay felt like she was being tortured. She imagined herself in that room with Kelly cold, lifeless on a table, her screaming his name over and over. Her trying to get him to open his eyes.

Dawson held onto her friend tighter trying to comfort her. She was feeling completely useless lately, Matt, now Shay. Kelly was going to be...what? Inconsolable. Yes, she knew he would be unreachable. She almost let herself wonder if it wouldn't have been better if he were with Renee on that table. No, she pushed that thought far away.

An hour dragged by, no sign of the nurse, no sign of the Royces. Finally, Renee's parents came out.

Mr. Royce had his arm wrapped around his wife and was half dragging, carrying her out. They left without looking up. The pure anguish on their faces reignited Shay's crying.

Hermann and Cruz arrived rushing over to their friends. Hermann felt better immediately. Them waiting met Kelly wasn't dead.

"How's he doin'? I'm sure he's gonna fight you about comin' in next shift," Hermann joked shaking Boden's hand then hugging him.

Cruz hugged Shay and Dawson at the same time with those big protective arms. He could tell it was bad by the looks on their faces. Shay didn't even look like Shay. Her eyes were puffy, swollen slits and her nose was so red it looked like she was sick.

A doctor came out to talk to them, but not with news about Kelly.

"Renee Royces' parents have given us permission to release all information to you and to Mr. Severide."

"What happened?" asked Boden already knowing the answer.

"Ms. Royce was brought in here hemorrhaging badly. The impact must have caused placental abruption, then hemorrhaging, then severe shock. By the time she arrived the baby's chances were at less than 20 percent."

The doctor paused to let these friends take it in. It was a lot. Too much.

"We made the decision to focus on saving Ms. Royces' life. The baby was too pre-term to survive outside the womb. We did everything we could. She went into full cardiac arrest. We worked on her for over 35 minutes before we finally had to stop. Ms. Royce passed away at 9:47 p.m. We are so sorry."

All Shay could think of was Kelly. How could he live with this? He was so excited about the baby...just yesterday, just a few hours ago. They'd just bought all the furniture, adorable, teeny, tiny little yellow outfits. He'd been so happy, showing her pictures on his phone. How could this be happening?

As if on cue, Matthew Casey rushed into the ER, eyes searching for one of his firehouse family. Worry etched all over his face.

He saw the doctor talking to his friends and immediately felt the wind knocked out of him.

He flashed back to facing a doctor alone in a hospital hallway, being told the worst news of his life. His girl, the woman he had loved for over eight years, was dead, gone forever. The wedding he had dreamed about, the babies he'd hoped for, all wiped out of his life forever.

Now, looking at this scene, he froze. Kelly was dead. The look on Shay's face. He was gone.

Dawson noticed Casey first and rushed over to him knowing what he was thinking.

"Matt, Kelly's okay. He's banged up but going to be fine." Dawson knew that was a lie. How could he ever be "fine" again?

"Gabby," Casey whispered embracing her tightly. He couldn't take one more thing, not one more.

Dawson led him to the huddled, crying group of his friends, his Station 51 family.

"Hey, c'mon Shay. Gabby said he's fine. He'll be a major pain in the ass, not doing anything he's supposed to." Casey knew there was more, had to be.

"Renee and the baby are gone." Boden said the words that no one could say. Could think.

Casey just shook his head back and forth not accepting what he was hearing.

The nurse who promised Boden to update them on Kelly's condition returned finally.

"Lieutenant Severide is waking up. He's confused, in pain, but you can go in one at a time," she explained seeing that no one made an immediate move.

"We can tell him if you'd prefer. We are trained for situations like this. And then you can go in to help him after."

"No," said Shay. Kelly couldn't hear this from a stranger.

She followed the nurse with Casey right next to her. He grabbed her hand before entering his room. They were going in together.

"I can't do this."

"We have to," replied Casey simply.

They walked in, one going on either side of his bed.

Kelly's eyes were open. He was looking all around obviously confused. He looked so pale, thought Shay. So damn pale and weak. His leg was slightly elevated wrapped in a huge white gauze. His hair was shorter than usual. They had to shave a portion of it before suturing his wound.

Shay got in front of his face tears falling on his own. Before she could tell him he was fine, he was going to be okay, he spoke.

His voice was so hoarse, so soft, very un-Kelly like.

"Renee? The baby?" he croaked out searching her face for some other answer.

Shay just shook her head no, crying harder, touching the side of his cheek that looked untouched.

"Kelly," began Casey not knowing what to say.

Kelly turned his head realizing that Matt was on the other side.

"No! No!" Kelly yelled pulling himself up with a wild look In his eyes.

He ripped out his IVs before either friend could stop him and made a move to get out of his bed.

Casey pushed him back down hard, Kelly screaming out in pain. Casey grabbed his arms and held them tight. Kelly was struggling like some kind of wild animal caught in a trap.

Shay screamed for help and half of 51 came running in before the nurses could get there. They were at Kelly's side trying to restrain him, trying to prevent him from hurting himself further.

"Kelly! Stop! We'll put you in this wheelchair to see Renee. Please stop!" Shay was hysterical, screaming in his face, desperate for him to hear.

Everyone in the room was crying, not even Boden had a dry eye. Hermann had to leave with Cruz guiding him to a chair. He called Cindy to pick up her husband. Hermann had all he could take. He needed to be with his family, his wife, his kids.

Casey practically carried Kelly to the wheelchair. Why this? Why Renee? Why Hallie? Casey had no answers for himself or for Kelly. And why the baby?

He knew his friend had to see them. He hoped this would help Kelly, but he knew otherwise. No, there would be no bullshit closure. He knew his friend would never be the same, would never be okay. He knew this as surely as he knew it about himself.

Shay followed. Everyone else dropped off to the waiting area again.

When they pushed through, Shay let a small cry escape her lips. Renee looked like Renee. She was pale, but still beautiful, lying on a cold stainless table, waiting for Kelly.

Casey wheeled him close and lifted him up from under his arms so he could be right next to her.

"Royce," Kelly said so quietly at first.

"Renee! Renee! Baby, wake up! Get up!" He was shaking her, shaking her so hard. Where was that strength coming from?

Her head just rolled a little to the side with each shake. She was as limp as a rag doll.

Shay was next to Kelly grabbing his arm.

"Kelly, stop. Kelly, please."

"Goddammit, Renee! Don't do this! Don't do this!" Kelly was shaking her more violently.

Casey grabbed his arms to stop him. Kelly pushed him back hard, Shay stopping him from falling.

Kelly buried his face into Renee's chest and let broken sobs escape. He kept saying, "Please, please, please" over and over. He looked at her again not believing she was dead. He put his face in her soft hair...it smelled the same, the same as a few hours ago, very much alive.

He kept willing her to get up. It was all a mistake and she was fine. He knew she could get up, she would get up. No God would let this happen.

Shay rubbed Kelly's back, feeling the rise and fall of his sobs.

Kelly's cries subsided a little. It was then that a nurse came in and asked if Kelly wanted to see his baby...a son.

How can this be happening, thought Casey. He grabbed Kelly's arms a little firmer and forced him back in the wheelchair.

"Yes," Kelly whispered looking down.

He could hear Shay crying and he didn't care.

The nurse came back with a small bundle in her arms wrapped in the same kind of blanket all babies got. All the babies going home with their parents.

She placed him in Kelly's arms and left wiping a tear from her eye, taking a deep breath.

Shay knelt down next to Kelly, Casey kneeling on the other side. Kelly looked like he was rocking the baby, but it was his cries causing the jerking up and down.

"My son. My son," he kept saying over and over. Kelly couldn't stop shaking, crying. Shay had one hand on the baby and the other one on Kelly's arm. Casey had one arm around Kelly's shoulder. He felt useless, no words to help, nothing.

When the nurse took the baby away, Kelly stopped crying. He looked vacantly ahead, no expression, eyes pretty much empty. Casey wheeled him back to his room and two nurses kicked them out. They wanted to make sure his leg was still okay.

They lifted Kelly back on the bed and he didn't even flinch. He didn't feel a thing. Numb, nothingness. And that was just the way Kelly wanted it.

To never feel a damn thing again.


	5. Chapter 5

**Okay, I guess I think I'm Shonda Rhimes, and yes, I sort of killed off Renee. I don't think the writers of CF will kill Renee because they just "did in" Hallie, but I do think they'll have her lose the baby. They've got to tie up the storyline quick since the actress will be a regular on Person of Interest. What does that leave? Baby not Kelly's? That's not really in keeping with the character they wrote in season one. Renee just heads back to Madrid? Well, why show up to tell Kelly in the first place? My bet is on a miscarriage (that sounds so wrong).**

**I left Kelly in a bad place and he'll stay there for a while. He's just lost Renee and his baby - he can't get over it in one episode, like he did his experimental neck surgery (a little ridiculous). I seriously hope they don't have Casey with Dawson in two episodes. He needs time to grieve. Love the show, but they never let the characters ruminate in their mess, deal with consequences.**

**Anyways, hope you enjoy this chapter. It includes a little Casey, more memories of Kelly's mom, and a teeny bit of Cindy Hermann (love her). Those who review, thank you! Love to hear your ideas and feedback.**

* * *

Benny was off on some adventure, telling Kelly he was going to be unavailable for two weeks, no cell, no contact. It was a ridiculous man versus wild excursion he was all hyped up about.

"Whatever makes you happy, Pop," Kelly had told his dad a week ago.

No big deal. They hadn't talked much since the Mills incident. Hell, he didn't even show up during all the Tara Little mess. Back to the same old Benny. Never disappointing himself, but letting down his son, that was another story.

Problem was he had no clue what had happened to Kelly. What was happening.

Thank God for his other family, his firehouse family. Casey spent every minute of every day he had off at Kelly's bedside. He knew that if anyone could relate, if anyone could help. It was him. The problem was he didn't think anything could help Kelly right now. But he was there.

"Kelly, you gotta eat. I snuck something in. Dawson made empanadas, they're like turnovers with meat, so good," said Casey pulling out a foil wrapped something from his pocket.

He looked at Kelly and wanted some sign that he was going to be okay. Some sign of life.

"Kelly, c'mon. Eat a few bites, okay?" Casey was unwrapping the food and putting it on a napkin.

"I'm not hungry. Just tired." Kelly closed his eyes hoping his friend would go. Go and never come back.

He didn't want to see anyone, didn't want to talk to anyone. That sad look on everyone's face when they saw him. The nurses had that look. The doctors, his friends, they all had that look of, what was it? Pity. Yes, he's the one with the dead wife and baby were the whispers around his room. He never corrected the wife comment. What difference did it make?

Kelly wanted to be alone, completely alone. He didn't want to talk to anyone, too much effort. He just wanted to close his eyes and never open them. But every time he closed his eyes he saw Renee's face. He'd squeeze his eyes tighter and see his baby's face with some of their features. There was no escaping it.

Why? What was the point of anything anymore? To live his life to this point and just come to the realization that everything was meaningless. A baby could die before a first birthday, before getting to live a life. His baby dead never seeing Renee's face.

Kelly wished a hundred times it had been him. Renee and his son would go on. She would tell stories about his hero dad, all the lives he'd saved. He'd grow up proud of the dad he never knew. Maybe he would be a firefighter.

The car wreck played through his mind over and over. More bits and pieces remembered the longer he lay in the hospital bed with nothing to do but think. The ice cream run, Renee joining him, the impact on his side. What if Renee had driven, what if they hadn't offered the ice cream, what if they'd talked for one more minute? He agonized over all of it. Could he have reacted to the truck, done something, anything?

Kelly felt himself being sucked further and further in a black hole. He felt like he was suffocating. He'd been down this rabbit hole one other time, maybe not this far down.

-0-

"_Kelly, I am so proud of you." Corinne had tears in her eyes beaming with pride at her only child._

_He had just been named to squad, youngest in Chicago's history. He'd been working his ass off. Taking classes, working extra shifts, cutting out the partying and the ladies...at least for a while. And now, all worth it. A member of Squad 3._

_Corinne made Kelly's favorite, her famous pot roast, to celebrate the occasion. She baked a German chocolate cake with homemade frosting._

_"Mom, if I eat one more bite, they're gonna kick me out for being outta shape," Kelly groaned rubbing his stomach._

_"You could put on a few pounds."_

_"That again? You're killin' me." Kelly laughed watching his mom put all the leftovers in plastic containers to take home._

_"Kelly, when's your next few days off?"_

_"Wednesday. What's up?"_

_"What do you say we go to our place? The cabin? You can fish, I can relax, sound good?"_

_"Our place" was a little cabin on the Kankakee River that Corinne rented and took Kelly to when she told him about Benny and her splitting up. They went back again when she found out that Benny was remarrying, and back a third time when she was diagnosed with cervical cancer and was told she couldn't have any children with husband #2._

_The fourth trip was the happiest. It was when she was declared cancer free._

_She had told Kelly this was their special place. They could never bring anyone else and both never told a soul about their sanctuary._

_The next trip would be the worst. Kelly was blindsided. He figured Corinne was remarrying or had a new guy._

_"Kelly, come here," Corinne pulled him over to the couch she was sitting on._

_Kelly had fished all day. One good memory of having Benny as a father. He'd taught his son how to fly fish. Therapeutic. Casting, perfect landing on the water, pull and reel, pull and reel, making the fly dance across the surface, hopefully proving irresistible to a fish._

_"Kelly," Corinne began again. "I don't know how to even say this."_

_Kelly looked at his mom's face and knew then it couldn't be about a guy._

_"My cancer's back."_

_The full story was worse than Kelly could've ever imagined. Terminal, nothing they could do, just live each day to the fullest._

_"This is bullshit! There has to be something!" Denial, the first stage of grief. Kelly knew it well._

_Give up? Not something Kelly would accept for his mom._

_There was no denying what the specialists had told Corinne. Kelly got very little sleep the next six months. Working like a dog on squad, trying to impress, to show he belonged._

_Every off day looking for a miracle. Some specialist, someone for a little ray of hope. There hadn't been one. Same prognosis. It had developed into stage four ovarian cancer. Then spread to the liver,_

_The last trip to their special place had been Corinne's last request. Kelly carried her in the cabin. She was on so many pain killers, out of it much of the time. But the few coherent moments were happy, just how she wanted to end her journey._

_Kelly carried her to the river and they both sat on the edge. He saw how thin she was and the recent lines in her face aged her ten years._

_She told him again all the things she'd said to him his entire life. He could recite her "Kelly lines" by heart._

_"I am so proud of you, son."_

_"You are the best thing I've ever done."_

_"You are my beautiful, beautiful boy." He would always laugh at how the beautiful had to be said twice._

_Kelly still didn't believe his mom was going to die. He didn't believe it until she did two days after they returned._

_He was by her bedside, stroking her hair, still hoping she would get better. How could he look at her face, touch her hair, kiss her cheek one day and then gone the next? Gone forever._

_Kelly shut down, but not completely. He threw himself further into squad, working extra shifts, learning everything he could._

_Andy Darden brought him back little by little. It was a strange way to bring his friend back to the living, but it worked. He took him out every night, and basically got him drunk. Then Andy shared his goofy stories, especially the ones with Kelly's mom. Kelly would be laughing so hard by the time they returned to his apartment. Finally, Kelly broke down in a drunken stupor and Andy was there to catch him._

_"We're visiting your mom tomorrow, Kelly. You haven't been and you need to. She's probably pissed you haven't come and if her grave looks bad, you're in for it."_

_When Kelly said yes, Andy knew his friend was coming back, out of the black abyss._

-0-

This time was different. He didn't want to go back to work. He couldn't imagine going back, ever. The job he loved, really more than anything else, meant nothing to him now.

He instead planned his exit strategy. He needed to go away, indefinitely, maybe forever. But he knew Casey would never let him, Shay would follow him. The way they were constantly with him, watching him, looking at him breathe.

He was going to have to act quickly. He knew Casey was going on shift tomorrow. He just hoped he'd have enough time before Shay showed up.

Casey was spending so much time worrying about Kelly, taking care of Kelly, talking to Shay about Kelly that it actually helped him move on with his life. He could get out of his own head and just think about his friend. He had some moments where he wasn't thinking about Hallie.

He'd been the one to donate all the baby furniture in Renee's apartment. A sad job, but he hadn't felt such a sense of purpose in months. Knowing that the Royces wouldn't have to face all that baby stuff made Casey feel good.

Shay took a little longer to get to the hospital. Truth be told, she didn't want to go at all. She felt like she was spinning her wheels and doing nothing for Kelly.

The guilt she was feeling was rivaling the sadness for her best friend. She had been so angry about the baby. She'd wished Renee had never come back...had never gotten pregnant. She was so jealous that Kelly was having a baby with someone else. It was supposed to be her.

But she did go to the hospital. She would sit by his bed, make sure the nurses were doing their jobs, keep him clean, and try to get him to eat.

She walked into his room and was welcomed with an empty bed. A neatly made, no one is coming back bed.

She rushed to the nurses' station.

"Where's Kelly, Kelly Severide?" she frantically asked.

"I'm sorry sweetie. He checked himself out over three hours ago."

Shay just looked at the nurse, her brain not grasping what she just heard.

Kelly had demanded to go. It was the most anyone at the hospital had heard him say.

"Give me the paperwork to sign now or I'm ripping these IVs out myself."

The nurse called the doctor and he came immediately.

"Mr. Severide, I'm going to have to recommend against that course of action. You are in bad shape, your leg is susceptible to infection, you have broken ribs, you haven't been eating. I'd like to keep you another week or so..."

"I'm leaving now," said Kelly grabbing for the tubing in his arm.

That did the trick. He was out in thirty minutes.

* * *

He knocked on the heavy wooden door for the second time. So much damn commotion inside, could she even hear it?

The door finally opened.

"Kelly. Oh my goodness! They discharged you already?" Cindy Hermann grabbed his arm to lead him inside. The look on her face told him he looked pretty bad.

"Yep," he said smiling. Felt foreign.

"I just came to see Kenny for a few minutes. I gotta leave for a while, get away, a vacation sorta," Kelly hated lying to Cindy but he didn't want to set off any alarms. Better this way.

"Let me get you some iced tea first. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Iced tea sounds great."

Cindy gave Kelly his drink and shuffled off to get her youngest, Kelly's godson.

She came back holding a little bundle, rocking him not so gently, kissing him all over the face.

"He likes to be swung around, always moving, active little guy," said Cindy plopping him in Kelly's arms.

Kelly buried his face in Kenny's blanket, the tears catching him completely off guard. He hadn't cried in a few days, didn't think he had any tears left.

Cindy put her arms around Kelly and her son and held them both tight.

"Kelly, I'm so sorry, so sorry. Christopher and I will do anything, whatever you need, hon." She held them for a few minutes only letting go when Kelly cleared his throat. He told her thank you, handed back the bundle, and made his way out the door.

* * *

Hours later Shay would go into full panic mode enlisting Dawson and Casey to help find Kelly. Dawson called Antonio knowing he would easily find their friend.

"Don't worry, Gabby. People can't just disappear. I'll find him."

Two hours later Antonio returned with a sullen look on his face.

"Severide closed his bank accounts. He had over forty grand in savings!"

"Yeah, he's been saving for a boat for years. He said it was going to be our baby's college fund before..." Shay didn't know how to end that sentence.

"Well, him having all that cash changes things. He sold his car for cash, so I checked the airlines, nothing. Bus tickets can be bought with cash."

"What the hell do we do now, then?" asked Casey.

"We do nothing. Severide will be found when he wants to. He's fallen off the grid. We sit tight and hope he pulls himself out of what he's goin' through."

* * *

Kelly limped off the bus, duffle bag over his less sore shoulder and took a deep breath.

It had been what? Six, seven years?

He headed to the general store, the kind of place that sold everything from bait to briefs. He bought enough stuff to last a month. He wouldn't have to see anyone again, talk to the old lady behind the counter, smile as he paid her, for another month. He could do that.

A flood of memories and emotion swelled through Kelly as he entered the cabin. He threw down his bag and slowly brought in all his food and supplies, exhausted from the little task.

He lay down in the familiar bed and slept a little, not dreaming of Renee and his baby for the first time since losing them. Instead, he saw his mom, heard her voice, telling him all the usual "Kelly lines."

He awoke to darkness missing his mom, wishing she were there to tell him what to do.

To tell him everything would be alright. That he would be alright.


	6. Chapter 6

Kelly got up, drank a cup of coffee, showered, headed to the river with his new pole, fly fished all day, ate something, showered again, and went to bed. Repeat.

He looked forward to the motion of the fishing, hypnotic, peaceful...the only sound of the casting, pulling and reeling. Every once in a while, the commotion of actually catching something.

He had no TV, no phone, no books, there was a bible in the night stand, that was it. He brought two pictures with him...one of Renee and him at the Sears Tower, he'd never call it Willis, and a strip of silly photo booth pictures he and Shay took.

His head was all healed, his ribs felt so much better, his arm was good. Now his leg was another story. It hurt like a bitch and looked terrible, red, streaky. He'd never refilled the antibiotic prescription.

Kelly felt like he deserved the pain, he embraced it. Somewhere deep down, knew that it was crazy, but he welcomed that pain. It felt right...Renee dead, his baby boy dead. He shouldn't be peachy, great, feeling like a million bucks. No, the pain was a good thing.

He hadn't heard another voice in ten days. That was another good thing. He thought he was going to lose it if he had to hear Casey say he knew what he was going through one more time.

Listening to Shay talk incessantly, about what? Nothing. He thought he was going to punch someone in the face. Better to leave.

No one to have to be polite to, smile at, act like everything was going to be okay. Nothing would ever be okay. There was a huge weight on his heart that he didn't think would ever be lifted.

He was fishing, listening to the sound of the rod, not thinking of anything else. He could push his painful memories away, push them down for a little while. The sunlight glistened on the water. It would have been beautiful if Kelly could see any beauty in his life right now.

He did see two squirrels on the bank, fighting over something, a nut probably. They were really going at it. While they were rolling around, a scrawny little squirrel came in and snatched it away. It was comical how the two fighters didn't even notice the missing nut.

"Funny critters aren't they?"

The sound of a human voice made Kelly almost jump out of his skin. He fumbled with his rod and turned around.

An elderly man, short, slightly hunched over, short white hair, and a huge smile on his face was looking at Kelly. He had waders on, pole in hand, and that damn smile. His blue eyes were all crinkled up, almost closed with that smile. He was obviously waiting for Kelly to say something.

Can I even talk anymore, he thought. He hadn't used his voice in ten days, and not much the days preceding while he was in the hospital.

Finally, he cleared his throat a couple of times and spoke.

"Yeah, crazy damn squirrels," he said. Not much of a sentence, but all he could muster at the moment.

"Sorry to barge in on you, son. I just haven't seen you back in town and wanted to check on you. I am so sorry, I'm being rude. I'm Tom, nice to meet you." He extended a hand toward Kelly.

"Kelly. How did you know I was in town and staying here?" asked Kelly shaking the old man's hand. So much for being rude.

"Small town, people talk. Angela owns the store, and she asked that I check up on you. Don't mind if I fish here a little while, do you, Kelly?"

Kelly just shook his head no. Great, people knew he was here and now this old man shows up. He was probably going to talk all day. He had that lonely look like he wanted conversation from anyone, anything. Kelly just wished he would go talk to one of those damn squirrels.

Tom surprised Kelly and didn't say a word, all day, for hours, while he just fished. Casting, pulling, reeling. He caught three bluegill and one bass. Kelly caught two bass. It was a good haul and Kelly couldn't help but smile with Tom's last catch. The old man whooped and hollered so much no wonder they didn't catch anymore. Still, he had to smile at the reaction and the fact that the geezer didn't drop dead of a heart attack.

"I'm afraid we aren't catching anything else, Kelly. How about you offer me some coffee?" That damn smile.

Kelly wanted to tell him to get the hell out, don't come back. Was he stupid? Couldn't he see I wanted to be alone?

Instead, "Sure. C'mon."

Kelly led Tom to the little cabin, his limping not unnoticed. The sad look in his eyes not unnoticed.

Tom scanned the living space, more curious about Kelly the more he saw. Nothing personal on display, not much of anything, pair of jeans on the couch. That was it.

Kelly started a pot of coffee then excused himself to the bathroom to clean up. He leaned over the sink and washed his face. He just wanted to eat, take a shower and go to bed. Kelly took a long time hoping the old guy would take a hint and leave.

"I started cooking the fish. Hope you don't mind," said Tom cheerfully when Kelly returned.

Two of the fish were frying in some oil, a pot of rice was boiling and a can of corn was being warmed up.

You have got to be kidding me, thought Kelly.

"Sure, no problem," Kelly found himself saying.

Tom just made himself at home, finished cooking, then got out a couple of plates and served them.

They sat at the little table off the kitchen, silent, just eating.

When Tom finished, he thanked Kelly for the meal, shook his hand and left. Warm smile back on his face.

Kelly got that shower and went to bed. Another sleepless night.

In the morning it took Kelly longer to get going. His leg was on fire, but he didn't care. He thought about just staying in bed all day, but after an hour he got up, showered and grabbed his pole. The fishing somehow pushed bad thoughts down for a little while. He skipped the coffee.

As soon as Kelly stepped on the porch, he saw him. That pushy little shit, he thought. This is comin' to an end right now.

"Kelly, take a look at this bass!" Tom held up a huge fish and had that damn smile back on his face.

"Hope you don't mind, but I thought I'd join you again. Kinda lonely at my usual spot, and I had such good luck yesterday."

"No problem," Kelly muttered. Jesus, this old guy was like a rash.

"Didn't think you were gonna make it out here today," commented Tom.

He was worried about his young friend. Yes, he already considered Kelly a friend. He saw the sad look, the bad limp, the way Kelly's pants hung from his frame, like they used to fit but were now way too big.

"Slow start this morning."

That was it. Back to fishing. Around 1:00 Tom said he was making lunch. Kelly had no choice but to follow.

* * *

Back at the firehouse, nothing was the same. Eric Whaley returned indefinitely. Shay couldn't stand him and let everyone know it, especially Chief Boden.

"Why him, Chief? He's an arrogant asshole," Shay questioned.

"Yes, and some would say the same about Severide. We don't know when Kelly's coming back and we need someone capable to take squad. Sorry, Shay, but that's the way it is."

Boden knew everyone was worried about Kelly and the morale was at an all time low. Whaley didn't do anything to help that situation, but his hands were tied. If he wanted to continue the facade that Kelly was just on leave, he had to take Whaley. He'd do whatever it took to give his lieutenant the chance to come back.

"How are you doing, Shay?" Boden asked, softening his voice.

"Good, chief. Just wanna find him."

Shay walked out of Boden's office and found Dawson waiting for her.

"What's up?" asked Gabby.

"Nothing, just trying to get Whaley out of here. Chief wouldn't hear it. Hey, anything from Antonio?" Shay still held out hope that Dawson's brother could perform a miracle and find Kelly. She needed to know he was okay, that he was even alive.

She went from worried sick to madder than hell, not good for a happy existence. How could he just leave her, no note, nothing? Then she thought about his baby gone, forever and she could let go of her anger.

"Nothing. He's still on it though. Hey, come to Molly's tonight. You need to relax a little, hell, maybe get drunk." Dawson wanted to see her old friend back. She hated this limbo Shay was in. She wished Antonio could find some trace of Severide. Even knowing the worst would be better than this.

"Can't. Casey's coming over and we're gonna to go through everything again, look through Kelly's room again. Maybe we missed something."

Casey was on a mission. He was going to find his friend. He'd made file folders going through every scenario he could think of, every place Kelly had ever mentioned.

Casey was back. Did he still get sad? Of course, probably would for the rest of his life. But now, he could remember the good times with Hallie and smile. The clinic named their new teen intervention area after her and had a beautiful dedication. Casey could actually attend and be proud of his girl, not angry.

"You need to let it go, Shay," said Dawson softly. She wanted her friend to get back to living her life, have a little fun.

"I will NEVER let Kelly go and I can't believe you just said that! What the hell! I know it's not a big deal to you, but he's family to me. More than family."

"That's not fair. I care about Severide, you know I do. I think it's shitty what happened to him. But I want you to go on. That's all."

"Let's agree to disagree. I gotta go." And with that Shay left.

She had a couple more hours on shift. Then she would go home, make dinner for her and Casey, and hopefully, figure out where the hell Kelly went.

* * *

Tom whipped together a quick fish stew. The old guy could definitely cook. The fish last night was so flaky, now, the stew was perfection.

Kelly ate two bowls. Thought about a third.

"Good stuff, huh?" laughed Tom.

Kelly just nodded.

"Hope you don't think I'm prying, but I have to ask. What's wrong with the leg?"

What, you pry? Nosy old fart. Kelly found himself talking nonetheless.

"Car accident. Severed artery among other things. Everything else healed, but the leg's being a pain in the ass."

Wow, more than a one word response. Making progress, thought Tom.

Tom decided to go for it and asked an array of questions. Kelly answered them all. Where you from? What do you do for a living? Married? When he asked if Kelly had kids, he knew he hit a nerve. He knew this was where the answers to his questions lie.

Kelly didn't say anything. His hands began shaking, so he put them to his face. He was shocked to feel a full beard, fuller than he'd ever had before. That weight on his chest was so heavy. He rubbed his eyes and felt tears.

He told his new friend, yes, he was thinking of Tom as a sort of friend now, about Renee, the accident and the unborn baby, his son.

Tom had figured there was a sad story involved. Yes, the saddest, a child lost.

"Makes you wonder sometimes what God is thinking. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm sure you've been told that one too many times," said Tom.

Kelly shook his head yes.

"Let me tell you a story. Don't know if it'll help, but I feel like I've gotta tell it now. Haven't told it in years."

Tom told about his own son, only child of his and Gracie's. Beautiful boy, kind, smart, loving. Thomas, Jr. Called Tommy.

"And boy was he a natural athlete! Where he got that from no one knows. Gift from God, I suppose. Definitely not me," laughed Tom.

Kelly knew the story would not have a happy ending. Tom got to the part where Tommy was killed at 16 in a car wreck. Just an accident, deer ran out, his son tried to avoid it, hit a tree, killed instantly.

"Yeah, just about killed my Gracie too. I think that was what got me through it. Trying to bring my girl back, back to life." Tom looked down and grew silent.

"How'd you do it?" asked Kelly.

"Sounds ridiculous, cliche...but we dedicated our lives to our church, my church. And we fostered an army of kids. When we opened our home up, it really brought my Gracie back."

"Your church?"

"I'm a minister. Did I not mention that before?"

Uh, no, you sly fox, thought Kelly. Instead, he said, "I don't think I have all that in me."

"You got something in you, son. You can't be a firefighter without that in you. The way you talk about your job..."

Kelly realized he had no Gracie. He had the job and it seemed so worthless right now. How could something be so important one day and mean less than nothing the next?

"Well, Kelly, this has been a depressing day. Tonight, dinner's at my house. No talk of sad things, I promise." Tom winked at Kelly with his customary smile and started washing the dishes.

When he finished, Tom excused himself saying he had to get groceries.

"I'm gonna fatten you up, my friend."

Kelly just smiled as he left.

* * *

Casey and Shay were pouring over all their notes, brainstorming, looking through all of Kelly's stuff again.

"I'm thinking about going to Kelly's neighborhood where he grew up, maybe see if I can find one of his mom's old friends. I don't know, just grasping at straws," said Casey rubbing his temples, frustrated.

"That is an excellent idea Columbo. I'm coming with, of course. When are you off?" Shay was smiling as if they had a real clue. Like Casey said, they were grasping at straws, but they would grasp at anything to get their friend back.

* * *

Kelly showered, a cold one, the water felt good on his leg, and put on some decent jeans and his nicest T-shirt. He waited for Tom to pick him up. At 6:30 he lumbered to the porch and there was Tom waiting in his car.

Kelly and to admit, he felt like a human for the first time in weeks. Tom was smiling, going to make good on an upbeat dinner, no more sad stories.

"Hello friend. I hope you're hungry."

"With you cooking, hell yeah, I can eat." Kelly wondered what was on the menu.

As they pulled up to Tom's house, Kelly saw another car in the driveway.

"Hope you don't mind, but I invited a friend. I've known him for over thirty years, and I wanted you to meet him."

"Uh, sure, I guess." Kelly could tell there was more to the story by the way Tom mentioned it... a little too casual.

He was greeted by another old guy as soon as he entered the house. This one had to have a couple of years on Tom.

"Kelly, this is Jerry, my oldest friend, for sure," laughed Tom at his age joke.

"Great to meet you! Tom's been talking about his young friend. He's been telling me about you being a fireman. I think he's a little envious of your life."

"Nice to meet you, sir." Kelly extended his hand and smiled.

The men talked, told stories, each one a little more unbelievable than the next. Kelly felt like he was back at the station.

Tom brought out the dinner like it was the best Christmas present ever. He'd made a pork loin, herb roasted to perfection, garlic potatoes, spinach salad, a creamed corn concoction...it was definitely a feast.

When they finished stuffing themselves, they all sat in silence, too full to talk.

Tom broke the silence.

"Kelly, now don't get mad," started the old man hesitantly.

"Jerry here is my good friend, but he's also the town doctor," finished Tom.

"Okay?" questioned Kelly.

"My friend, your leg needs something. You've been limping around and now, now, you can barely get around. I can tell you're in pain. You look like you could have a fever," Tom babbled on talking for longer than necessary.

"I'm outta here," said Kelly shutting down.

He got up to leave but realized he couldn't get back to the cabin. He sat back down and glared at the two old men staring at him.

"Fine," said Kelly. "You want me to drop my pants here in the dining room?"

The two elderly men smiled at each other.

"Actually, Jerry brought his medical bag. It's in the spare bedroom," said Tom with that now irritating smile.

Of course he did, thought Kelly.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you to all who have reviewed! I know it's depressing and slow going, but that's the way the story has to be. I wish the writers of CF would let the guys really have time to deal with what hits them instead of being off of drugs in the blink of an eye, and I suspect Casey will be over Hallie in two, three episodes tops. Taylor Kinney and Jesse Spencer are such good actors, not just pretty boys. There's no reason they can't have Emmy's in the seasons to come. The writers need to give them something to work with. I'm complaining, but I do love the show.**

**My inspiration is this season of Mad Men. Don's descent into a figurative hell was genius, Dante's Inferno reference, so good. Taking Kelly down that path, but good things will come, I promise. Lots of religious imagery. I did have to name the old guys Tom & Jerry to crack myself up a little while writing all the depressing scenes.**

**Hope you like it!**

* * *

Jerry had Kelly strip down to his boxers and lay on the spare room bed. Yeah, a little more than uncomfortable.

"Doc, you want me to stay or go?" asked Tom.

"Doc? Do you even call him Jerry? Ever?" asked Kelly amazed at the scheming old men.

"Nah, he's just Doc," laughed Tom. "Son, I knew you'd cut and run if you got wind of our plan and why he was really here tonight."

Kelly shook his head and smiled.

"Stay. I might need you," said Jerry, Kelly wasn't calling him Doc. No way.

Jerry kept a stoic expression as he looked at Kelly's leg, but he was anything but calm inside. The leg was definitely infected, badly infected.

"Let me go back to the office and get a few more things."

"I'll walk you out. Be back in a sec, Kelly," said Tom.

"What's the verdict, Doc?" asked Tom once outside.

"I don't feel good about that young man not being in a hospital," started Jerry.

"He will never agree. Never. I can tell you right now he'll cut and run the second we leave. No, you've gotta treat him here."

"I don't like it, but if you're sure."

"I'm sure he'll be gone if we admit him. Let's fix him up at my place. Haven't lost your touch have you?" asked Tom with a pleading in his eyes.

"Okay. You've got God on your side, I suppose. I'm gonna get some IVs, antibiotics and see if we can't get this thing under control. I've got to clean it first when I get back. Nasty business and I'll need your help."

"You got it, friend," said Tom smiling again.

Tom went back to the spare room. Kelly was under the covers.

"I guess I'm stayin here tonight?"

"Yes, Kelly. Doc says it's bad, but he can fix you up. He's getting antibiotics and he mentioned he'd have to clean it."

"Figured as much." Kelly pulled the covers up higher just wanting to sleep, if only he could. "Painkillers would be nice."

"I'm sure he'll bring enough drugs for a small elephant. He's the kind of man who over-prepares," laughed Tom.

* * *

"Well, here's the house he grew up in. What do you think?" asked Casey.

"Let's bother some neighbors. Maybe there's someone still living here who knew them, really knew Corinne. " Shay said with a shrug.

"Split up or together?"

"Together," said Shay grabbing Casey's hand. "Definitely together."

The pair started with the house next door ready for a long day and honestly not expecting much. It was a long shot, but they felt like they were doing something. They had to do something, anything.

* * *

Jerry showed up with arms full of IVs, vials of God knew what, and other medical stuff all foreign to Kelly.

"Looks like you're going to a battlefield. I hope you don't think you're using all that crap on me," said Kelly.

He had been feeling like he was drowning for so long now, going deeper and deeper. Kelly had reached the point of no return. He didn't see a return to anything, baby and Renee still gone. Nothing would change that.

This friendship, intervention, hell, call it kidnapping, did feel right, Kelly had to admit it. He liked the old guy's company. When they were talking he didn't feel so stifled, so immobile.

"Okay, I'm going to need to get him in the tub. We'll clean that leg up good, get him back in the bed, and shoot him up full of antibiotics." Jerry was jumpy and a little excited with this urgent need of his services.

"You sure you remember how to do all this." teased Tom winking at Kelly.

"I'm old, not dead! My son is running the practice, but it still has my name on the goddamn door. I come in for the occasional case, maybe a little rusty." Jerry was getting more flustered by the minute.

Tom and Kelly stifled their laughter.

"If you're done making fun of me, let's get him in the bathroom. Thank you very much."

Kelly got himself into the tub, boxers still on, and Jerry got to work. He had to re-open the wound, drain it and clean it. Hurt like hell, but Kelly hadn't been pain-free in so long, he barely flinched.

"You're doing great, Kelly. Almost done," said Jerry flushing everything out for the second time.

Kelly just lay back in the tub, eyes closed, wishing he could fill the tub and just stay in there. It was strange. He was a shower kind of guy, at least three a day. But right now, filling that tub full of steamy water, soaking, it sounded good. He could see his mom heading off to her bathroom for her escape.

_-0-_

_"Kelly, leave your mom alone," said Benny. "Jesus, you'll follow her anywhere. She needs her alone time."_

_Kelly was five and did want to follow his mom in the bathroom._

_"Mommy, what are you doing? Let me in?" Kelly tried the knob again. Still locked._

_"Let mommy take a bath. Play with daddy. Benny!" yelled Corinne desperate for her refuge._

_"Kelly! Let's go outside. Leave your mom alone. Ladies soak and men shower. Remember that son."_

_Corinne always reappeared from her bath happier, in a better mood. As the end of the marriage drew closer, she was in the bathroom more and more._

_As the end of her life drew nearer, she still wanted, needed a good soak. It was the only thing that seemed to give her some peace, comfort._

_Their last visit to their special cabin was no exception. She insisted on Kelly taking her to the river._

_"I want to bathe in God's bathtub," she told Kelly._

_"Mom, you'll freeze to death," Kelly tried to reason._

_"My beautiful, beautiful boy. I am dying. Please, just legs in then. Please."_

_Kelly carried his mom to the edge and let the bottom of her legs touch the water._

_"This is nice, son," she said, eyes closed, smiling. "So nice."_

_It was a beautiful day, the beauty of the water shimmering with the sun in direct contrast to the reality of it all. Easy to forget the sickness, the cancer within._

_Kelly looked at his mom and she did look at peace. She looked happy, content. He just wrapped his arms around her wishing they could stay at this water's edge forever, no squad, no city, just this. The sun shining down, the water clear and untouched, a mother and son holding on to life. The harder Kelly squeezed, the more he could feel that life slipping from his grip._

_-0-_

"Kelly," said Tom as he softly touched Kelly's shoulder. "Hey, we need to get you in bed, son."

Kelly looked at his old friend confused and still in the tub.

"Give me a second," he said rubbing his head. Jesus, must have passed out.

"Okay, okay. Help me get up." Kelly reached his arms out as the men pulled him to his feet.

He put one arm around Tom and stepped shakily out of the tub. He was leaning heavily on the old man and hoped he wouldn't knock him over.

"I got it. You can let go," said Kelly pulling his arm away.

"I got you, Kelly. I got you, son." Tom replied forcing him to accept his help.

He plopped Kelly on the bed and got him under the covers.

Jerry grabbed an IV of antibiotics.

"He's burning up." Tom held the back of his hand to Kelly's forehead, concern all over his face.

"I'm cold," said Kelly shivering under a mass of blankets and comforter.

"Pull his arm out." Jerry had the IV ready, but he was shaking so badly and Kelly was shaking so badly it took a few minutes to get the drugs administered.

"We did it." Jerry and Tom grinned a little with relief.

"This should kick in soon. If not, we're getting him to the hospital. No arguments."

Tom knew not to argue with Doc when he was like this.

"I'm going to brew some coffee. We've got a long night ahead of us."

* * *

Shay knocked on the old door not feeling particularly optimistic. They were getting farther and farther away from Kelly's childhood home with no results. Most were young couples who'd moved into the old neighborhood to begin their family life. They'd never heard of the Severide's.

Casey motioned that he would do the talking on this one. Their spiel was thoroughly memorized and practiced from one house to another.

"Hello." It was a young woman, nice smile, friendly enough, but too young to have known Corinne.

"Hi ma'am. I'm Matthew Casey and this is Leslie Shay. We're from firehouse 51 in Chicago. We were looking for anyone in the area who knew the Severide family. They had a house on Sweetwater a few streets down years ago," began Casey.

"Wow! That's a name I haven't heard since I was little. Come in, come in."

Shay and Casey were shuffled in the house, led to an old couch, and offered iced tea.

"Let me get my mom. She's in the back working in her garden. Oh, I'm sorry. I'm Caitlyn. Caitlyn Russell." The young woman extended her hand quickly shaking Casey's and Shay's. She rushed out the back door calling, "Mom!"

"Oooh, pay dirt! I feel good about this one!" said Shay excitedly.

"Don't get too excited yet. Let's wait till we meet the woman." Casey was trying to be the calm in the room, but he was being drawn into Shay's optimism.

"Hello, I'm Jessica Russell. Caitlyn tells me you know the Severide's. Corinne was one of my dearest friends, God rest her soul."

Casey and Shay smiled at each other. Yes, they hit pay dirt.

* * *

The old men were on their second pot of coffee trying to keep their worries down with a game of pinochle. Jerry got up to take Kelly's temperature again.

"102. Down a little."

"Yes, good boy," said Tom who'd moved to the other side of Kelly, stroking his head.

Kelly didn't hear them. He was sleeping for the first time in weeks. Jerry HAD brought enough drugs to take down a small elephant. Kelly was the beneficiary.

* * *

"So funny to think of Kelly as a grown man. I picture him still that little boy, Corinne's pride. The only thing that really brought her happiness." Mrs. Russell looked down sadness spread across her face.

Shay had told an abbreviated version of the events, Kelly's disappearance, their worry.

"I'm so glad he has you two. You obviously love him. What's Benny's part in all this?"

"Um...he said Kelly will come back when he's ready and we should let it be. Whatever is meant to happen will happen." Shay remembered their heated telephone conversation with her pleading for his help.

"Kelly's a grown man. If he needs to get away, let him. And besides, I have no idea where he'd go. I will call you if I hear from him." Benny did call Shay a couple of times every week at first. Then the phone calls dwindled off to once a week. Now he didn't call at all.

"Yeah, sounds like Benny. Always wanting to make a man out of Kelly. Corinne did all the heavy lifting though. I'd say he's the man he is because if her. Okay, let's get down to business."

Mrs. Russell started recounting the many memories she had of her friend. She thought if she started talking, they might stumble across something that could hint at Kelly's whereabouts.

She had so many stories... Kelly's first broken arm, his second broken arm because he apparently hadn't learned that his magical cape didn't make flying possible, Corinne's desire for another baby, Benny never around, the divorce, the cancer.

Shay and Casey couldn't help but feel they were somehow invading their friend's privacy. These were things Kelly hadn't told them, not even Shay. It made them a little uncomfortable, but they justified it by pointing to the "greater good," getting Kelly back.

When Mrs. Russell got to the fly fishing stories, Shay knew it was the key.

"Some of the only times Benny spent with his son. Sports and teaching him to fish. Corinne kept it up even when they split up. She'd take Kelly to different places. I think I even have a picture. Let me see..." She was up and scrambling to the next room. It sounded like she was shuffling through a desk.

"Got it!" Mrs. Russell was waving an old photo around. She handed it to Shay.

"Oh, God," Shay said putting her hand to her mouth. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared at a little boy, devilish grin on his face, holding up a huge rainbow trout. Kelly at about eleven, maybe twelve. Those eyes, that smile...it was all Kelly.

Shay threw her arms around Casey and buried her head in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her, holding tight.

"It's okay. He's okay. I promise," said Casey trying to keep his voice steady stroking the back of Shay's head. He wasn't used to making promises he couldn't keep.

* * *

Doc was asleep in an oversized chair in the corner of the room. Tom was in another chair moved right next to Kelly's bed. Kelly woke to a symphony of snoring from the pair. Doc would start in with a loud, long snort and then Tom would join in with a high pitched snore.

"You're kidding me," Kelly said aloud looking from one to the other.

He looked at his arm, the drip, the bag of antibiotics. The night was coming back to him. He looked under the covers at his leg, covered in a mammoth wrap of gauze, probably best. He ran his hand over his stomach, concave, ribs showing. Haven't been this skinny since I was what? Twelve?

Kelly slowly eased himself up feeling lightheaded and nauseous, must be the drugs he thought.

He rubbed his head trying to get rid of the fogginess. Kelly pushed himself off the bed and nearly fell on his butt. He grabbed the side of the bed and headed to the bathroom. A piercing pain shot through his arm. Shit, the IV. He grabbed the bag and carried it in with him.

He put it on the counter and was just about to relieve himself when Doc and Tom came barging in.

"Kelly, you okay?" asked Tom, hair all over the place. Jerry had a worried expression and was rubbing his bald head.

"Uh, yeah. I can handle this fine on my own if you two can get out."

The two old men backed out of the bathroom in a rush almost stumbling over each other.

* * *

Shay and Casey left Mrs. Russell's with three possible locations. They both felt Kelly would be at one of these little towns, all along the river, all peaceful...just where you would go to get completely away.

"Which one are you feeling?" asked Shay pushing down her fears.

"I think it's gotta be this one, from the picture, right?"

"I agree. And if not we'll try the others. Tell me this is right. What we're doing is right."

"Yes. He's hurting and he needs us. He doesn't know how to ask for help. I think I know a thing or two about that."

"You do. Casey, thank you for all of this. I know it can't be easy."

"I love him too you know. He's a major pain in the ass, but life is boring as hell without him. No one busting my balls, giving me shit about truck."

"Yeah, major pain in the ass. Casey?" asked Shay.

"Yeah?"

"What do you think we're gonna find?"

"I don't know. I honestly don't know."

* * *

"Jesus, I don't know what you knocked me out with, but it was some good stuff," smiled Kelly. "I slept, I mean really slept."

"Ha! I knew you'd be okay, my boy!" Tom was feeling particularly proud of himself.

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves. I want to look at that leg, clean it again, get another bag in him, and make him eat. Really eat, three meals a day kind of eat." Jerry was finding it hard to keep his face from breaking out in a huge smile. Damn, I still got it, he thought.

"You got an electric razor?" asked Kelly. "I look like a fugitive or hermit, or a hermit fugitive."

"Yes to both. I have an electric razor and you do look like someone on the FBI's most wanted list." Tom seemed like he'd been saving that one for a while.

"Or cult leader," chimed in Jerry.

"Haha! Or Grizzly Adams," Tom was gasping for air with Jerry not far behind.

"Enough assholes. I don't know who Grizzly whatever is, but I'm happy to give you somethin to laugh about. Enjoy it because all this crap's comin off when we get back in the bathroom."

They did get back to the bathroom and no one was laughing. Kelly took off the beard first, then Jerry got to work. Why is it that the better you feel, the more aware you are of how crappy you feel?

Kelly was definitely feeling it now. He officially thought of telling Jerry to just take the damn thing off. He was squeezing Tom's hand so tightly he was afraid he may have broken a bone.

"You're doing great, Kelly." Tom kept repeating over and over.

"Okay, done," said Jerry really sweating, hands shaking.

"Give me a minute," said Kelly knowing there was no way he was making it back to the bed right now unless the old guys carried him. And that was not happening.

He lay in the tub considering asking Tom to get the comforter. No, come on, you can do this, he thought.

"Okay, I'm ready." He reached his hands out and it took both men to get him in bed this time. He was physically done. Kelly knew if Tom hadn't extended the dinner invite with Doc, he'd be dead. Exactly how he felt about that, he wasn't sure.

Kelly slept all night again. No fever. Tom slept in his own bedroom with Jerry in the other spare. Both men checked on their patient many times, not much sleep for either. Tom was dozing a little when he heard the doorbell. Go away, he thought. What time is it? 5:00 a.m. You're kidding. Doorbell kept ringing.

He finally forced himself up. Might be an emergency, something with one of his congregation.

"Coming!" He yelled down the stairs hoping that would stop the ringing. He wanted Kelly to sleep more.

He looked through the peep hole and caught his breath. He thought about not answering, but he'd already ruined that possibility by yelling down the stairs.

"Dear Lord, what do I do?" Tom whispered aloud.

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed. Brighter times are coming, really, they are! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Quicker update this time! Back from vacation, so now ready to write. Just wanted to read and play on the beach. Kelly is coming back, finally. More Casey and Shay bonding time. Hope you enjoy! Drop a note and let me know what you think.**

* * *

Tom opened the door slowly.

"Well hello, Junior. What brings you here so early in the morning?"

"Don't call me that. You know I hate it!. Where is he?" Junior pushed Tom brusquely out of the way, heading upstairs.

"Dad! Where the hell are you and what are you up to?"

Junior barged in on Jerry fast asleep.

"Dad! What the hell is going on? I know you got a shitload of supplies. What for?"

Jerry was trying to focus, but so hard when hit with a barrage of questions before you've even woken up.

"Junior, now calm yourself down."

"Don't call me that. You know I hate it, but you still insist on calling me that! Dammit dad. What are you up to?"

Kelly hobbled in ready to do battle with the person making all the commotion so early.

"Get back in bed!" yelled both old men at the same time.

"Who the hell is that, Dad?" yelled Junior more confused than ever.

"Everyone needs to calm the hell down!" yelled Kelly adding to the clatter.

"Junior, everything is fine. Now let's sit down," began Tom in his calm minister voice that worked probably ninety percent of the time. This was definitely part of the other ten percent.

"Get your hands off me! Dad, you're coming with me, now!" Junior roughly grabbed his father to lead him downstairs.

"Take your hands off Jerry, asshole!" yelled Kelly getting right up in Junior's face daring him to do something.

Junior calmed down immediately and took his hands off his dad. He wasn't sure if it was the way Kelly issued the warning, if it was the half crazed look in his eyes, or if it was the fact this guy was half naked with only boxers on, but he backed away quickly.

"Kelly, get back in bed, now." Tom wasn't requesting.

Kelly walked slowly back to his room knowing this was not the time to argue with Tom. He felt a like a nine-year-old who'd just been reprimanded for picking on his little brother.

Kelly crawled into bed, tired, so tired. What a puss, he thought. Not even enough strength to kick someone's ass. Ridiculous.

"Now Junior, that's our friend Kelly. We are helping Kelly. He's been in a serious accident and we're getting him back to health."

"Is he some fugitive, on the run and can't go to the damn hospital?" Now that Kelly was gone, Junior was ready to start the fight again.

"No, he doesn't like hospitals, that's it. Now, do you really think it's necessary to talk to your father that way?" Tom was in full minister mode and Junior was about to get the force of it like a hammer crashing down on some unsuspecting nail.

"You have violated so many ethical codes, and God knows how many damn laws! I will not be surprised if Sheriff Dooley has to arrest the both of you!"

"I think I am the expert on God in this room, young man! And according to God's law, we've violated NOTHING! You will NOT speak to your father in that tone," Tom was just getting started, but Junior interrupted anyways.

"I'm just trying to," began Jerry's son.

"You are just trying to do what? Disrespect your father? In doing so you are disrespecting MY Father! You will keep your mouth shut! You will not say one more word! No, you will say one thing. That will be to apologize to your father. Now!"

Kelly could hear every word and kind of felt sorry for the younger Jerry. Hell, he'd felt like a nine-year-old being scolded...this poor guy must've felt three.

Junior looked down and took a deep breath.

"Dad, I'm sorry I got a little out of hand. It's just that you..."

Tom cleared his throat loudly.

"I AM sorry I got a little out of hand. I was worried when I saw all the missing stuff and Joann said you'd taken it." Junior paused for a second, then added, "Do you need any help?"

Kelly was still listening. He laughed a little when Tom told of how Jerry "sprung into action." Did either one of them have a spring left?

Kelly thought of Casey and him rushing into a fire, each one trying to better the other. Yes, when Kelly made squad, Casey knew he wanted to someday be lieutenant of truck. They competed for sure, but they made the other that much better. Competed, but also complemented.

They also had each other's back, always. Through all the bullshit, Darden's death, arguing, accusing, they both knew they would die for the other. Hell, they'd both wished it had been themselves instead of Andy. Yes, more than competitors, much more. Kelly missed it, missed him.

He closed his eyes and thought of his family, his real family at Firehouse 51. Shay, God how he missed her, her face, her laugh, her smart ass comments. Then he thought of Renee and his baby. He let himself drift off to sleep picturing Renee holding his baby son. So vivid, her beautiful face. There was someone behind them. Mom?

* * *

"Damn, I thought for sure this was it!" Casey slammed his hands against the steering wheel.

Shay put her arm around his shoulders.

"I know. I was sure too."

"Hey, no sad faces. We're off to the next place, okay?" Casey forced a smile and was looking at Shay. Need to stay positive, he thought. Shay needs me to stay positive.

"You're right. Let's go!"

They were off to possibility number two. Neither one wanted to consider the idea that they would go home empty handed with no Kelly. That was something they wouldn't let enter their thoughts.

"Okay, it's in Maps, let's do it!" Shay was waiting for the first driving instruction.

"Ugh, it's over two hours away!" she groaned.

"I got nothing but time," said Casey with another forced smile.

By the time they reached their destination it was dark and everything was closed. They decided to get a room for the night and begin digging in the morning. No one at the one motel had heard of any strangers new in the small town, not an auspicious start.

They decided on one room, two beds. They needed each other's company.

"What do you say we hit that diner we saw on the way in? You gotta eat," Casey wasn't really hungry, but he knew there would be little sleep. It would at least kill some time.

"Sure, I guess. You know little diners like that usually have such great pie. Have you noticed that? The homemade crust, so flaky. Just really good pie."

Casey just laughed, for real this time.

"What?" asked Shay totally confused.

"Severide has told me so many times about your random thoughts. Don't get mad, but he calls them 'Shay's random shit.' I thought he was exaggerating, but now I see he wasn't." Casey was really laughing now.

"You both are assholes. And we'll just see if I am right about the pie." Shay was grim faced which made it harder for Casey to stop chuckling.

"This only makes me want to find him even more. Just to kick his ass."

* * *

Jerry and his son made up. Junior was actually impressed when he heard all his dad did for the half naked patient. The old guy's still got it, he thought. He also made a mental note to consult with him more, put him to use. Would be good for both of them.

The old friends finally got him out of the house and rushed to check on Kelly.

"Good, he's sleeping," whispered Tom putting the back of his hand against Kelly's forehead. "Does he feel hot to you?"

Jerry went to the other side.

"No, feels normal. We'll take his temp when he wakes up. Let him sleep." Jerry looked at his oldest friend. "You know we're going to help him heal physically, but what are we going to do about getting him back to living?"

"One thing at a time my friend, one thing at a time."

Kelly woke up to find both men staring at him.

"Have I ever mentioned that there is nothin better than to wake to the sight of you two in the morning?"

"I'm thinking you've woken up to much better than the likes of us," said Jerry laughing. He moved closer to Kelly with a thermometer in hand.

"I can't even go to the bathroom first?"

"Open up." Jerry shoved the thermometer in Kelly's mouth.

At the beep, Jerry pronounced temp normal.

The day was spent making Kelly stay in bed and making him eat...and eat.

* * *

Casey and Shay were off to their third stop feeling defeated. No luck at stop two and this was their last chance. The optimism they started with had faded to a solemn reality that they might be going back to the city without Kelly.

"You were right about the pie," said Casey trying to lighten the mood.

"Hey, talk to me, Shay."

"I'm just feeling so sad. I'm feeling like all of this was for nothing. I'm feeling like giving up." Shay could feel her eyes welling up.

Casey pulled over to the side of the road.

"We are not giving up. We are going to the next town, yes, three hours away, and we are going to bring him home. To your home where he belongs." Casey held Shay for a long time.

"Enough of this. We're wasting time. Let's go get him." Shay wiped her face with her sleeve, that heavy feeling in her chest pushing down even harder.

"You got it."

* * *

Kelly knew he was getting better when all he wanted to do was fish. He was longing for the river, but his old friends, jailers as he now thought of them, said no.

"Kelly, you are on the road to recovery. We're not jeopardizing that for a little fishing. You cannot over exert yourself." Jerry was not budging.

Kelly knew Tom would have to be the one to crack. He looked at his friend.

"C'mon, Tom. You and me, those fish are calling our names."

"Sorry, son. When Doc says you're ready, I'm there."

"I've gained a good ten pounds," pleaded Kelly. Lying around day after day was driving him crazy. Even in his darkest moments, he would drag his ass out to the river.

"More like seven," corrected Jerry.

"You know you can't make me stay," replied Kelly.

"Of course not. We are just your friends trying to help you fully recover. We love you and want to see you at 100 percent."

Damn, the minister is good, thought Kelly. He didn't just pull the love card?

"Fine. Can I get up to take a piss?" Kelly asked getting up before receiving an answer.

He hobbled to the bathroom and slammed the door.

"Geesh, someone's grumpy today," Jerry chuckled with Tom joining in.

The laughter was more relief than anything else. They'd bought a little more time to help Kelly.

* * *

Casey and Shay entered the station in defeat. The smiles on their friends' faces made them feel even worse.

"Well if it isn't our two long, lost detectives," said Mouch putting his paper down to give Shay a hug.

"You two are gonna get a hit next time. I can feel it," said Hermann shaking Casey's hand. "Dinner's at my house on Wednesday. Cindy insists. Come around 6:30."

Chief called them in and gave them the news that it was getting harder and harder to hold Kelly's job and keep with the leave of absence story.

As they left Boden's office, Shay felt her phone vibrating.

"Shit. This day keeps getting better and better," she said hitting ignore.

"What's up?" asked Casey.

"Nothing. Just my sister. I haven't talked to her in, um, three years."

"I just met your sister over Christmas."

"No, no, this is a different sister. She's older, eight years. Half only, same dad, supposedly. Different moms. I don't ever mention her because I don't consider her family." Shay fumbled awkwardly with her phone trying to decide whether to listen to the voicemail.

"If you haven't heard from her in years, it must be important."

"Doubt it. She's all drama."

As the night slowly moved on, the voicemail was becoming more irresistible. Finally, Shay listened.

Yes, an emergency, of course. Always was with Samantha, or Sam, or Sammie, whatever she was going by nowadays.

The crying, the desperation in her voice...really no choice. Shay had to return the call.

"It will be okay. Yes, I do want to help you. Does dad know? No don't worry, I won't tell him. I'll text you the address."

Shay hung up the phone feeling blindsided. Typical Samantha. All demands, everyone moving mountains to help her, always a crisis.

"What's wrong?" asked Dawson seeing the look on her friend's face.

"I think I just agreed to let my fuck up half sister move in with me."

* * *

Two weeks went by before Tom could be persuaded that Kelly deserved a field trip.

"Jesus Christ!" Kelly began so frustrated with the inactivity.

"Kelly, please," responded Tom quietly not happy with his friend's choice of words.

"I'm sorry, but if I play one more game of canasta, pinochle, or bridge, I will officially be ready for retirement. "

"It looks to me like you're already in retirement," replied Tom ready to pick up his fight of the last few days.

"Goddammit, Tom! Not that again!" Kelly didn't mean to raise his voice, but he could feel the decibel level almost reaching Boden's volume.

"Kelly, please," Tom repeated.

"Sorry, sorry. Let's not argue. Let's just fish. C'mon, Tom. I know you want to."

"Okay."

Kelly got up from his chair with a huge grin. Yes, he finally won. He didn't realize that Tom was going to use the day's fun to push his agenda.

By the time they made it out to the river, there was only about three hours of light left. Still three hours seemed like heaven to Kelly.

That is until Tom began talking.

"Kelly, what are you doing here? What are you really doing? You have people, family who need to hear from you..." Tom repeated his mantra for what felt like the hundredth time.

"I thought I was fishing here," replied Kelly shortly.

"You know what I mean. You don't think that Shay, Casey, all of them aren't worried sick about you?"

"Don't act like you know them. Let's just fish." Kelly wanted peace and quiet. He'd gotten away from his memories over the past few days and he wanted to keep it that way.

"Okay, okay. Enough for today, my friend."

All the talk of his old life did get Kelly thinking. He didn't want to, but damn that old man, he was thinking about Shay, Casey, Hermann, all of them. Thinking about how Shay must have dealt with his disappearing act. Then he'd push the thoughts away, too much to deal with.

Tom was also on Kelly to come hear one of his services.

"Come this Sunday. It's low key, jeans are completely acceptable. Make this old man happy." That smile was back on his face.

"We'll see. Hey, what's for dinner? You know if this preaching thing doesn't work out, chef is a possibility."

Tom was thrilled that Kelly could eat, really eat now. He'd gained back about 15 pounds and looked so much healthier. Jerry was coming over for dinner, then cards after. Kelly insisted on not playing one of the old man games, but it would be Texas hold 'em tonight. For money.

* * *

Samantha showed up at the station to find Shay. Jesus, couldn't she just go to the apartment address and wait there? No had to make a scene at the station.

"Oh my God. I've died and gone to heaven," said Otis watching a tall, blonde walk across the front room and head straight for him. Well, and Mouch who was right by him.

Mouch looked up and then got up. Otis was already making a beeline for this vision of long legs, and luscious, thick golden hair swinging with each sashay.

"How may we help you ma'am?" asked Otis with a big smile. If she asked for Severide, he thought, I'm going to kill myself right now.

"Oh, aren't you a sweetie," she laughed, a real laugh, loud and infectious, almost goofy.

"I'm looking for my little sis, Leslie Shay."

"You and Shay are sisters?" asked Otis, his mouth almost dropping to the floor.

"Yes, we are Otis," Shay spewed as she came out from the locker area.

"Samantha, good to see you." Shay's face didn't match those words.

Gabby had joined the crowd and was watching this interaction more than a little amused.

"Little! You look so cute. I'm gonna eat you up!" Samantha ran to Shay and picked her up, hugging her while spinning her around and around.

"Okay. I'm dizzy now." Shay officially felt like a five-year-old.

"You are still so funny! A little comedian," Samantha laughed some more, that "a little too loud" laugh you'd never expect coming from this woman.

It made everyone gathered around this scene smile. They wouldn't have been shocked if a little snort followed up the laugh.

"She seems nice, funny. But very un-Shay like," said Gabby in Casey's ear.

"I guess," replied Casey a little wary. He'd tuned into that look in Shay's eyes that said she was less than thrilled.

Shay looked around the room seeing that Samantha had already won over her friends. Yes, some things never changed.

* * *

Kelly walked into the church scratching his neck and pulling at the collar on his new shirt. He'd picked it up at the general store and hadn't washed it...no time. Couldn't be late to church. Last minute decision to come.

The khakis were new too and pretty stiff. A wash would have done those good also. Nothing like being uncomfortable in church, thought Kelly getting more fidgety by the second.

He found a seat in the back and tried to settle in.

Tom didn't see Kelly and felt a wave of disappointment flood through him. He shook it off and began the sermon. It wasn't a new one. He'd given the same talk many years ago, a month after his son died. Gracie had said it was his best sermon yet. He'd never given it again. Until today.

"Tragedy. We all face it and we all ask why. All of us. Every single one of us. I did after my Tommy died. We do because we forget God's promise. It is not a promise that our lives will be free of tragedy. No, it is so much more than that. It is a promise that we will always have HIS love and strength."

Kelly sat there stunned. He knew this sermon was for him. He felt like Tom was speaking directly to him. The other people gone. It was just him and his old friend.

Tom continued by telling the story of King David's loss of his firstborn. He talked about how David went to the temple to praise God right after the death.

Tom ended the talk by examining the life of a dragonfly. He painted a picture of the bottom of a pond where little grubs were crawling around wondering what happens to their friends who climb up the stem and never come back.

"I wonder what's up there? asked one grub. This made the grubs come up with a plan. They all agreed that the next grub who goes to the surface will come back and tell everyone what is up top." Tom paused for a few seconds. When he looked up, he saw Kelly. A small smile crossed his face as he continued.

"Well, one of the littlest grubs found himself drawn to the top. He had a huge urge to climb that lily stem and climb he did. As he reached the top, he was blinded by brightness up there. It had been so dark, murky, and depressing down below. He knew his grub brothers below would never believe him. Suddenly, a transformation began. The grub began to open up. He spread his two, new huge wings out and became a beautiful dragonfly. He never could've imagined becoming this wondrous creature. He spread his wings again and really soared."

Tom had tears coming down his face. Kelly knew this was all for him.

"The dragonfly flew back and forth across the pond. He could see his grub friends below, but they couldn't see him. There was no way he could get back. Finally, he realized that they would never recognize such a beautiful, amazing creature as ever having been one of them." Tom had another long pause.

Kelly imagined his friend would be good. Their long talks showed him that, but this was something more. Like the best gift he'd ever gotten. Something you didn't even know you needed.

Tom finished up the sermon. He ended with King David talking about his lost son, "I shall go to him one day, but he will not return to me." Tom focused in on Kelly even more before continuing.

"Take what comfort you can that you will be with him in eternity. And until then, take the love you have for him and share it with the rest of us grubs down below."

Not a dry eye in the church. Kelly wiped his nose with the itchy shirt sleeve and made his way to the front. The men hugged for a long time unaware of the stares they were garnering.

Yes, Kelly had some grubs to check on back at Firehouse 51.


	9. Chapter 9

**Kelly finally gets back home! Thanks to all who review and are enjoying the story. Lighter times ahead, but you know I can't keep it all rainbows and unicorns for long. Leave me a note giving me some feedback. Thank you, all who love Chicago Fire!**

* * *

Shay's shift finally ended so she could escort her "sort of" sister out of there.

"Little, I'm sorry I just showed up here. I could see it kinda pissed you off. I just needed to see a friendly face right now." Samantha looked at her younger sister feeling like she was the baby.

"No, it's okay. I've got a lotta shit going on, that's all." Shay said casting a side glance at Samantha.

"I am such a bitch. I unload everything on you without asking YOU about what's going on with YOU. When we get to your place, we are going to stay up all night and talk. Oooh, it'll be like a slumber party!" Samantha squealed, always so damn animated.

"Great," said Shay forcing a small smile.

Dawson observed from the side really feeling for her friend. Did she need more drama? But she also had the feeling that this just might be a good thing. Mind off Severide for a bit.

Shay met Dawson's eyes and gave her an oh, shit, text me later eyebrow lift.

Dawson nodded.

Back at the apartment, Samantha started on a quick stir fry. The girl could cook. Shay'd forgotten about that. She'd forgotten about a lot of things.

She forgot how 16-year-old Samantha showed up at her house to live. Shay was eight and only focused on how absorbed her dad was with this other daughter. She barely considered the fact that Sam's mom had just died. Not just died, but overdosed with her only daughter finding her.

It was all coming back to Shay now. 22 years can change your perspective, she thought wistfully.

She remembered how glad she was when Samantha moved out to go to college at eighteen. She saw this half sister, half stranger maybe once, twice a year. She always came in with a flurry of activity, sucking in every bit of attention. Especially from dad.

She bounced from one fashion merchandising job to another after graduating from NYU. Maybe that's where Shay had the idea that Sam was such a screw up. But hearing her tell it tonight, she'd been with Nordstrom for ten years. Ten happy years of doing her dream job. Up until the day she was laid off...downsized.

"We cannot tell Dad about it until I find another job. Okay?" There was a pleading in her eyes that Shay was not immune to.

"You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! We won't tell Dad, but you shouldn't even worry about it. You are going to have a better dream job in no time." Shay said enthusiastically. "And this is damn good," she added pushing another bite into her mouth.

"Little, you have exceeded my every hope. I know we've never been close, but I was praying you would take me in. Thank you, sis."

Shay came to the realization that she never knew her sister. She had some skewed eight-year-old's vision of what Samantha was, and it was totally wrong. This could be the best thing that had happened to her in the last three months.

"Okay," said Samantha wiping her eyes. "Your turn."

"You sure? You don't know what you're getting yourself into," said Shay quietly.

"Little, what's wrong?"

The dam broke and Shay let the story flow out along with so many tears. How could she relay the friendship, the love, the tragedy, the loss to her sister in one night? She talked and talked only stopping to answer the occasional question from her sister. When she was done, they really had stayed up all night.

Samantha got up and just hugged her sister sort of rocking her back and forth.

"It's going to be alright. You are going to see your Kelly again. I know it. I can feel it in my bones. And I'm upset about a JOB. I'm sorry, Little. I'm so sorry."

"I'm glad you're here, Sam. I think I need you as much as you need me."

At the station the next day, Shay was more than tired.

"You look like shit," commented Dawson greeting her friend. "Hey, how was the fuck up?"

"Don't say that," said Shay embarrassed for her comment yesterday.

"Uh, you ARE the one who used those words. And you never texted me back last night. What gives?"

"I had my head up my ass. Samantha's been through a lot. I've been through a crap load. I think this'll be a good thing."

"Okay. I'm glad then, I guess," said Dawson a confused expression on her face.

* * *

Tom was so happy that Kelly was about ready to enter the realm of the living. He was looking much better, gaining back a little more of his lost weight.

They decided to spend their last two weeks together fishing, of course. Jerry joined them many times. Kelly could only laugh at the old guys, picturing himself and Casey a few years down the road. The interaction, the good natured ribbing, the competition whether it was fishing or cards, yes, definitely the two lieutenants in their golden years.

He couldn't wait to see Matt...to see how he was doing. Hopefully, better. God, to see Shay and beg for her forgiveness. He was both looking forward to seeing her and dreading it.

"Kelly, what's the plan? You want to invite your friends here? I could make a big dinner?" Tom was hoping this was the way his young friend would go. He wanted to meet his family, these people he'd heard so much about who loved Kelly as much as him.

"Don't think so, Tom. Appreciate the offer, but might be better if I go home for the reunion." Kelly could see the disappointment all over Tom's face. "But, hey, we'll all come for dinner in a couple of weeks."

"That'd be great!" Tom said perking up, the light back in his face. "And Christmas is non-negotiable. You have got to see how we do it up."

Kelly could imagine Tom's face on Christmas morning and just laughed.

"Yes, sir. Christmas for sure. Man, I can taste your turkey right now."

"Turkey and all the trimmings. You have not lived until you've tasted my stuffing, really Gracie's recipe and so, so good."

"I'm gettin' fat just thinking about it," said Kelly rubbing his flat stomach.

"I wish, my friend, I wish."

* * *

Shay and Samantha fell into a comfortable routine, one that felt like family. Samantha did the cooking and kept the apartment clean. She also helped out with the rent, definitely a plus. She had money saved up and was more than generous.

Everyone at the station loved her, the laugh, the innocence. She fell into a routine with them as well, joining the crew at Molly's, going to the station to cook lunch, bringing in cookies. She had an aura about her that didn't go unnoticed. She was kind of a superstar in life.

"Hey, how's the job search going?" asked Dawson when Samantha showed up with a huge tin of chocolate chip cookies.

"Little's going to help me with my résumé," said Sam proud of her sister's clerical skills.

Shay was beaming next to her sister. Until Dawson began laughing.

"You do realize this job she's going for is in FASHION?" asked Dawson really going at it.

"Uh, of course. Why the hell are you laughing?"

"Ah, uh...ah, let me catch my breath. Uh, you have seen your own wardrobe right? That ridiculous coat with fur trim!" Dawson felt another wave of laughter coming on.

"Kelly, loves that coat. He said it's hot," Shay was trying not to get mad. Just joking, she's just joking, she repeated in her brain.

"And you've seen the way Severide dresses? Jeans and a t-shirt all the time, sometimes a wife beater! And his jacket... Looks like he got it when he was thirteen after seeing The Outsiders one too many times."

"He looks good," Shay protested getting pissed. "I'll talk to you later. C'mon Sam." The pair took off to the main room to divvy out the cookies.

"What did I say?" asked Dawson to no one in particular.

Casey just shrugged his shoulders following Shay and her sister, looking for a cookie.

"I agree with Shay," commented Otis as if they were all waiting for his opinion. "Severide does always look good. The jacket...too cool for school."

"Severide always looks good? Those are words I never really wanted to hear out of a dude's mouth," teased Cruz.

"Little disturbing my friend," chimed in Mouch. "Someone may need to do a little soul searching."

"Screw you. Both of you assholes," muttered Otis making a quick exit.

"Ladies, slow down. I need one of those cookies and you're making me chase the thing all around the house." Casey said laughing. He grabbed one and stuffed it into his mouth. "Mmm, delicious."

"Thank you, Matt. That one was made just for you." Yes, the flirting was one thing Shay had remembered correctly.

"Really? What about this one?" asked Casey grabbing another cookie.

Dawson had entered the room and was watching this interaction with interest. Oh, hell no, she thought. Throw some blond hair, long tan legs at any man and they became jello. Unbelievable.

"Are any of these made for me?" Dawson snapped barging in.

"Let me see," laughed Samantha pretending to scan the tray meticulously. "This one! It's for you!" Samantha erupted into laughter having no clue that Dawson was mad.

Anger was instantly gone. Hard to stay mad at someone so sincere with such an infectious laugh.

* * *

Kelly had never moved back to the cabin, just stayed with Tom. He enjoyed their last few weeks so much, the conversations, and the meals.

Kelly slowly packed. The duffel bag was stuffed full. He was leaving with so much that Tom crammed in there.

"Time for us to say goodbye," said Tom with a somber expression.

"Hey, just till we see each other in a couple of weeks. Come here," said Kelly pulling his old friend in for a hug.

"You saved my life, Tom. You saved me." Kelly knew it was going to be hard on his buddy and vowed he would not cry. Well, that was out.

Both men hugged for a few minutes before finally separating.

"I will be back in two weeks. I promise. If I don't answer my phone, it's because we're on a call, and I can't." Kelly wiped his face roughly with his sleeve.

"You call me, son, if you feel like you're drowning. Or heck, just show up. Kelly, I mean it. If everything gets too overwhelming, you call me." Tom felt like he was the one going back, facing the real world. He was so worried for his friend.

"Kelly, you know you are like a son to me. If Tommy had lived, I can imagine him just like you. I pray he would've turned out just like..." Tom's voice broke and the two were back in a tight hug.

"That's about the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me," said Kelly not wanting to let go or leave.

Tom and Kelly finally left for the bus station. Tom insisted on taking his friend back to Chicago, but Kelly refused not wanting him to face the hours of driving, the traffic, the drive back alone. No way. Tom finally gave in and dropped him off. Both had agreed a quick drop off would be best, enough tears shed for the day.

As Kelly waited, he became more and more nervous. He had a fresh shave and knew he looked much better, but he also knew he still kinda looked like hell. It was the best it was going to get for a while.

He'd imagined every possible scenario of his return. Should he go to the station? The apartment? Casey's house? He settled on the apartment. In one scene he pictured Shay so happy, thrilled that he was back; in another he saw her face full of betrayal and she slams the door in his face. Probably somewhere in between.

He got on the bus and had the whole ride back to think about everything. The closer he got to the city, the more nervous he became. He worked out one thing to say then changed his mind and worked out a different speech, then another, and another.

Finally he'd made it back to the city he loved. Got a cab and knew it would be only a few minutes before he was back.

He walked up to his door. Was it even his door anymore? Did he use the key? He decided to knock. He knocked again. No answer. He got out his key and fumbled with the lock. Nerves were getting the best of him.

He was in.

He looked at the back of a woman at his kitchen counter, his eyes moving from her long, tan legs, up to her panties just peeking out from a long, thin blouse. She had on headphones and was bouncing around to whatever she was listening to while chopping something.

"Hello!" said Kelly loudly.

Nothing.

"Hello," he said louder not wanting to scare her.

He thought about tapping her on the shoulder but ruled against it because of the knife she was wielding.

He put his bag down and just watched her knowing eventually she would have to turn around. He propped his elbows against the counter. Well, maybe she would never turn around after all.

Samantha really got into the music and started singing. Kelly laughed wondering who this new girl of Shay's was. Hilarious!

Finally, she spun around in some awkward spin move and caught a glimpse of Kelly.

"Aaaaah!" she screamed. "Please don't hurt me!"

"I'm Kelly, Shay's roommate. Her old roommate," said Kelly holding up his hands. Samantha had the knife pointed at him.

She looked confused, couldn't hear a word he had said. Kelly motioned to the headphones.

"Oh, yeah," said Samantha pulling them off. "Don't move asshole, or I'm going to use this!" she yelled waving the knife wildly.

"I'm Kelly, Shay's roommate. Call her," Kelly still had his hands up more worried that this woman was going to hurt herself with the knife.

"Oh my God!" Samantha threw the knife on the counter and ran at Kelly.

She grabbed him full in a huge hug. She was laughing and squeezing really tight.

Not the welcome he'd expected.

* * *

Back at the station, Shay and Dawson were planning a night out at Molly's.

"Casey, you in?" asked Gabby hoping he would go.

She'd been so worried about him since she discovered how he was living. Hallie's death had shook him to the core, but it seemed he was back or at least getting there. Severide's tragedy and disappearance had sort of given him a reason to come on back. The baby preparation, building of the furniture, now looking for Kelly...yeah, Matt had found a reason to get up in the morning and a purpose beyond the job.

"Yeah, I'm in, friend," said Casey smiling.

Friend? Really? Was he going to sock me in the arm next, thought Dawson. She just walked off.

"What did I do?" asked Casey.

"So dense," replied Shay, off to follow her friend.

"What did I do?" repeated Casey.

"Hey, Dawson, wait up. Wait up, girl!" yelled Shay.

"What?" Dawson snapped spinning around.

"He's clueless. Typical male behavior. Why do you think I switched teams?" Shay shrugged.

Dawson laughed realizing she wasn't mad at Shay. Jesus, would it always be this way with Casey? He goes one way, I go the other, thought Dawson. Like two magnets that were the same, pushing each other away. The thing was, they were opposites. Those magnets should be firmly attached.

Shay's phone was vibrating for the third time in the last two minutes. Three texts from Samantha.

"KELLY IS HERE IN YOUR APARTMENT!"

"Oh God. Kelly's back! He's with Sam in the apartment. Oh my God. Oh, God!" Shay was almost hyperventilating, pacing back and forth with nervous energy.

"I can't believe it... You gotta go now! I'll tell Boden, the guys, you go. Call me after you talk to him. Let us know how he is. Okay?" Dawson knew how it was with those two. They would talk and talk and Shay would end up leaving all of them hanging all night.

"Yeah, I will. Thanks, Gabby. Oh my God! He's back!" Shay ran out of the station leaving a trail of questions behind her.

Shay peeked her head in the apartment. Kelly and Samantha were at the dining room table drinking wine and talking. Kelly was laughing at something Sam said and her face was all contorted as she acted something out.

Kelly saw Shay and stood up, silly grin on his face. He walked toward her, arms out. Shay ran and jumped up in his awaiting arms. He laughed and twirled her around as she buried her face in his chest. So much for being apprehensive, he thought.

"Kelly, are you really here?" questioned Shay cupping his face in her hands, tears coming now.

"Hell yeah," Kelly said smiling with her eager welcome.

Shay just put her face back into her best friend. Samantha was laughing and squealing with delight. She was kind of hopping around the two. Shay held out one arm to bring her in.

Samantha gladly joined the group hug so happy for her sis being reunited with Kelly. Just talking to him for an hour had shown Samantha enough to see why they were best friends. He obviously loved Shay so much. He must've said five times that she was the best friend he'd ever had and the only person he could trust, fully, with anything. It was cute the way he was so nervous about the reunion. It was cute the way he didn't know how Shay would react. It was cute the way he felt guilty. He was just damn cute.

Samantha broke away first.

"I'm serving dinner. You two talk. Then I'll go to the bathroom, so you can tell Kelly about me, Little." Samantha was a frenzy of activity serving the plates, pouring wine, getting the bread out of the oven.

"Your sister?" asked Kelly.

"Half sister, but no way am I going first. You are telling me everything. Are you okay, really? I've missed you more than you know." Shay could feel the waterworks returning. She had been so worried, was still so worried. She looked at Kelly and knew he was still hurting.

"How long you got?" he asked.

"The rest of my life, Kel," answered Shay.

Kelly told her about the cabin with all the memories, his mom memories. Tom. All about Tom. He told about Jerry but left out the doctor part, the almost dying part. Shay didn't need all the gory details. This was more than enough for tonight.

"I cannot wait to meet this man in two weeks. I love him already." Shay had a continual stream of tears flowing. Kelly used a napkin to wipe them. Shay just grabbed his hand and held it across the table.

Samantha had popped back in the kitchen but made herself busy doing something last minute with the salad. She'd stayed quiet and took it all in having to wipe her eyes a few times.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom if you girls don't mind. I'll be right back." Kelly got up and made the trek upstairs knowing Shay was analyzing his every move.

"Hey, let me bring your bag up!" Shay yelled grabbing it.

"Nah," yelled Kelly. "I can stay with Casey. I don't wanna put Sam out on the streets."

"No way, Jose! You are staying in YOUR room. Shay and I will sleep together tonight. I'm getting a twin bed tomorrow and all is settled. Hey, I'm not stayin forever!" Samantha plopped down at the dining room table satisfied with her speech and the meal in front of them.

"I don't know if Kelly heard a word of that." Shay grinned at her sister's enthusiasm. She was proud of this woman and how she'd turned out... terrible, druggie mom, hardly knew dad.

"I heard it all," said Kelly coming down, his limp not unnoticed by the sisters. "I wanna catch up with him. It'll be good."

"No, Kelly. I need you here. Pleeeease." Shay pleaded. She knew Kelly wouldn't refuse.

"Let's eat and you tell me what's been goin on here, at the station."

"Oh, I need to text Dawson. Everyone has been worried sick, Kelly. Boden's kept your job, but just barely. He's been such a bear. Hermann and Cindy have had Casey and me over for dinner so many times. Kenny's getting so big! Okay, hold up. I'm calling Dawson,way too much to text." Shay got up to go the living room.

"This could take a while," said Kelly. "We should eat."

"Do you like it?" asked Samantha expectantly.

"So good. Hey, I'm really glad you showed up. Shay needed you." Kelly could see that the two were related. They were different but somehow alike...couldn't put his finger on it. The goofiness? Something.

Kelly finished his plate and Shay had still not returned. Samantha jumped up to refill it before Kelly could protest. Yeah, she'd have to talk to her sister later about how she forgot to mention that her roommate was also, um, HOT. Yes, damn good looking but also, sad. They'd have to fix that.

"He looks okay, that's how I'd put it...not great but not terrible. He's definitely limping, so I can't wait to get in those pants." Shay wanted to get off the phone, but Dawson had a million and one questions.

"No, crazy! In his pants to check out the leg! You are disgusting!" said Shay hanging up and returning to the table.

* * *

**Haha! I always knew Shay really wanted to get in those Severide pants! What do you think? Leave a review!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Have to get to some lighter moments in this fanfic! With all the heavy news this weekend, had to put in some happier scenes. Have to say I'm heartbroken with the death of Cory Monteith. So talented, so young, so desperately sad. God, I've loved Glee since the beginning with all the original cast members. RIP Cory.**

**Switching gears, I hope this fanfic let's everyone escape a little bit. I think all us fanfic writers want the reader to enjoy...our goal is to entertain. We've got a long wait for the new season of ChiFi, so hopefully the fanfics will hold us over. Hope you love the Casey/Severide moments!**

* * *

Shay and Kelly stayed up all night. She did NOT get into the pants that first night. Samantha reluctantly said goodnight and left them alone.

Kelly apologized over and over. Shay finally had to tell him that if he said sorry again she was going to kick him in his good leg. Kelly ignored the comment knowing she would want to talk about the "bad" leg.

"So, I have a great plan. Everyone is chomping at the bit to see you, you wanna see everyone, so let's do it on Friday at Molly's. Casey's coming over tomorrow, but everyone else has to wait. Okay?"

"Sounds good. I gotta see Boden and find out about my job, if I have a job."

"Dawson talked to him. He said Monday at 9:00 a.m. And yes, you have a job. He had Eric Whaley filling in for a while. Ugh! Can't stand him."

"He's okay, be nice. It'll be weird goin to the house. Weird seeing everyone."

"Kelly, everyone loves you. They are going to be so happy to see you." Shay couldn't wait for Friday. She knew she could put Samantha on the job and have a little get together all planned out by the end of the week.

"I've missed you. Glad I'm here."

"I've missed you so much. If you ever leave me again though," Shay made a fist and waved it in Kelly's face.

"Never, never. Now put that fist away," he laughed. Damn, Sam with the knife and Shay with her fists. At least she didn't break out the taser, he thought.

Casey couldn't wait for the night to pass, barely slept a wink. He wanted to see how Severide was doing with his own eyes. Such a cliche, but time really does heal all wounds. He was proof of that. Or in the process of "healing" all wounds. Casey was healing. He hoped Kelly was too.

Shay was going shopping with Samantha, leaving the two guys alone. Casey was glad. Sometimes you could feel like a third wheel when the two best friends were together. He wanted to really talk to Kelly, to see if he was okay, if he needed anything.

Casey knocked on the apartment door. Kelly answered with a huge smile. The pair hugged.

"I've missed you, man. You doin okay?" asked Kelly.

"I'm better, way better than when you left. But you? How are you really doing, Kelly?" Casey pulled back to get a good look at his friend.

"Better. Getting better every day, I think. Hardest thing I've ever faced."

"Yeah, I know. I can say Hallie's name now without losing it. Believe me, I know."

"I'm sorry I left. I can't explain it. Felt like I had to. I know I put you all through hell. Just wanted to disappear, make the hurt go away. I think I wanted to, uh...die." Kelly hadn't really said those words. He felt them, but this was the first time he verbalized it. Sounded wrong.

"I woulda had to kill you if you'd done that," said Casey with a small grin. "Or at least kick your ass."

"You and Shay. How's she been?"

"I'm here to talk about you, Kelly. What did you do? Where'd you go? We searched like hell. Jesus, when you want to disappear, you really do it. Damn witness protection program or something," laughed Casey.

Kelly told his story again, the revised version that excluded the infected leg, the fever, the pain.

"I cannot wait to meet Tom! He sounds like a riot. He and Jerry kinda sound like us in a couple of years."

"A couple of years, huh? Maybe two or three till retirement? Speaking of retirement, do I even have a job at 51 anymore?" Kelly knew Casey would give it to him straight. Shay was probably so damn worried, she would make up anything.

"Boden's been working like hell to keep your job. He's had you on every type of leave the union offers. I think you've even been on maternity leave," chuckled Casey.

"I thought Shay was imagining the whole saving my job thing. Figured I'd have to start back on truck. Heard there's some asshole lieutenant who'd have me doing drills, wash the truck, clean the bathrooms." Kelly was enjoying the back and forth with his friend. Felt normal, good.

"I don't think you could do any drills right now," said Casey turning serious for a second. "I can see the leg's not great. Can I take a look?"

"It's much better. Can we leave it at that for today?" Kelly didn't want the visit to turn into a medical inspection. "You know Boden's gonna make me have the department docs look me up and down."

"You're right." Casey gave in easily. "Hey, what do you think of Shay's sister?" he added.

"Why? You interested? Dawson's gonna have your ass," laughed Kelly. "or Sam's!"

"Huh?" asked Casey only making Kelly laugh harder.

Molly's was perfect, just what everyone needed. Kelly could feel the love from his family, and they were ready to give it out. They could breathe a sigh of relief. Kelly was squad. They'd been missing a part of themselves with his absence.

Shay and Samantha were beaming, so proud of this little party, and glad Kelly was smiling, happy.

Sam watched the two and felt warm and fuzzy inside. So funny how your sister's best friend can be your friend through osmosis or genetics or something. She watched them for a few minutes, enjoying their banter, the familiar way they looked at each other, touched each other. She watched as the other lieutenant, also hot, came over to the table and sat down.

"Room for one more?" asked Samantha.

"Of course," said Casey pulling over another chair.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Samantha turning to Kelly. "It's all for you."

"Thank you Shay sisters! Helluva party. Appreciate it you two," said Kelly looking around the room at all his friends.

"Our pleasure!" replied Sam swaying to the music. A new song started and she squealed with delight.

"Love this song! It says summer and fun and dancing!" She got up and reached her hands out to Kelly to join her. She pointed her fingers at him prodding him to get up.

Kelly just laughed and shook his head no.

"Matt here's the real dancer," said Kelly throwing his friend under the bus. He knew Casey wouldn't leave her hanging dancing all by herself.

She directed her attention to Casey, swaying her hips, and swinging that blond hair. She began singing the '80's song, loudly.

Casey reluctantly got up. He slowly reached out to Samantha holding her hand while she danced around him. He was turning a slight shade of red hoping the song would end soon.

Kelly and Shay were eating it up, clapping, encouraging Samantha to really rev it up.

The song ended and Casey's torture stopped. He mouthed "you're an ass" to Kelly as he sat back down.

"That was fun! You are next though!" Samantha said to Kelly with Casey nodding in agreement.

"Looks like I missed all the fun," snapped Dawson suddenly appearing at the table.

She had watched the dance from the entrance and felt her heart drop. With each sway of Samantha's hips, she felt like Casey and her were drifting farther apart. Just not meant to be, she thought.

Hallie had left, Casey and his old girlfriend "done" yet nothing had happened with Gabby. The Christmas party, in for a kiss, didn't happen. How much clearer could she have made it? That dress Shay helped her pick out. Next obstacle, Peter Mills. Not right to call him an obstacle, but definitely a deterrent. Now, he was off at the police academy. Then all hell broke loose, Hallie dead, gone forever. Not a great time to move in. No, didn't seem like it would ever happen.

"Sure!" said Casey, again squeezing in another chair.

Dawson hugged Kelly before sitting down, her paramedic eyes scanning him from top to bottom.

"You look okay," she said squeezing his arm.

"Thanks for the compliment?" Kelly said laughing. "Hey, did you see lover boy dancing?"

Shay shot him a "shut your mouth" look, eyebrows lifted to new heights. How stupid could you be, she thought.

"Uh, I gotta talk to chief. I'll be back," Kelly shuffled over to Boden knowing he'd rather face the chief than Shay right now and whatever conversation was occurring at the table.

Kelly and Boden had hugged and made small talk earlier with a crowd around them. Now it was just the two of them. Boden had an eagle eye on Kelly all night surveying him, his physical and trying to gauge his emotional.

"So how you doin, really?" Boden quizzed his lieutenant.

"Better," Kelly replied simply.

Boden let it go. There would be much to say at the meeting on Monday. Severide could blow a fuse then. Tonight was for celebrating.

Kelly was ready to go home. He'd been ready for a couple of hours, but stuck it out.

Shay looked at him and knew it was past time.

"Let's go home," she said wrapping her arms around him.

"I never did get that dance," said Samantha jutting out her lower lip a little.

"Next time," said Kelly winking at her, then giving Shay a look of "get me the hell outta here."

"You're tired. I'm sorry I made you stay so late. You okay?" Shay could see that Kelly was worn out.

"This night has been the best. You're the best. Don't deserve it...you." Kelly wrapped his one arm around her neck in their familiar pose.

The weekend went by quickly, but Kelly officially felt like an invalid. Between Shay and Samantha he couldn't do anything for himself.

"Need some water? Let me get you some ibuprofen. Are you hungry? Can I get you anything from the store?"

He was surprised they let him take a piss on his own.

He was also surprised that the awkwardness he thought would happen with Shay hadn't. They fell back into step with each other like an old married couple, finishing sentences, laughing at inside jokes.

Monday came and Kelly was ready but nervous to face Boden. Shay was on shift, so she wanted to be in the meeting. This wasn't a parent-teacher conference he reminded her.

"Yeah, but I wanna hear what he says," Shay pleaded.

"You're not invited. Also, when do I not give you a play by play?" Kelly walked into Chief's office shutting the door behind him, leaving his biggest fan outside.

"Kelly. Glad you're here. Sit down." Chief began knowing this would be the easiest part of the meeting.

"Glad to be back, Chief. Feels good." Kelly sat down and waited to hear the verdict. He knew it wasn't going to be a "go ahead and start tomorrow" welcome.

"You put me in a bit of a dilemma with what to do with your job. I'm not criticizing. I know you did what you had to, just stating a fact. Your job is yours, but..." Boden paused.

"You are going to have to fill some department requirements," he finished.

"What requirements, exactly?" Kelly knew the hammer was about to drop.

"I'm gonna need you to see a doctor tomorrow at 10:00, set up by the union. You're also going to have to pass the physical abilities test once the doctor clears you. Finally, the department is requiring you see this doctor until he clears you for duty." Boden handed Kelly a card with the name "Dr. Donald Sears" on it. Clinical Psychologist was printed below the name.

"Whoa! Hold up! I get all the physical crap, but a shrink! This is bullshit! No, I'm out." Kelly threw the card down on Boden's desk and started to storm out. Boden's booming voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

"Sit your ass down now! I don't know if you think we've all been having a little tea party while you've been gone, but we haven't! It's been hell, on all of us! I know you've been going through your own personal hell, but it has taken everything, and I mean everything to keep your job. You NEED squad Kelly, so if the department says you are jumping through rings of fire, you will jump through them! Do I make myself clear?" Boden was clearly out of breath spit flying everywhere.

Kelly sat silently. Didn't say a word but wasn't getting up to leave either.

"Fine I'll jump through the goddamn hoops." Kelly said resigning to the fact that he was lucky to have a job at all.

"Glad to have you back. You know that, right?" Boden was glad Severide backed down so quick. Wasn't expecting it.

"Yeah, right," said Kelly rising to leave.

"Call me after your appointment tomorrow."

"Sure," said Kelly knowing they would report everything to the chief.

Shay was waiting not far from the door.

"You are kidding me! Like to talk about feelings and crap like that?" She couldn't believe Kelly would be subjected to a shrink.

"Yeah, but I gotta do it if I wanna come back. I guess Boden really pulled some strings for me."

Samantha decided she would be Kelly's chauffeur to all of his appointments. The Camaro wouldn't start; she'd been neglected for too many months. It would take some coaxing to get her going again. Also, Kelly hadn't been cleared to drive yet.

The doctor's appointment went as expected. Leg was weak as hell. He'd need physical therapy for weeks. He'd lost too much weight, set up an appointment with a nutritionist. Couldn't drive, couldn't work, couldn't do much of anything.

Kelly left feeling miserable.

"No long faces," said Samantha cheerily. Her smile was as infectious as her laugh. "Shay said you're indestructible."

"Ha! Maybe not, Sam," said Kelly not wanting to face the road ahead.

They got back to the apartment and Samantha knew Kelly needed something big to cheer up. Shay was at the station, so just the two of them.

She took Kelly's jacket off, propped his leg up on the coffee table and sat next to him on the couch.

"You look really tense, Kelly. Let me fix that for you. Lean forward," Sam commanded.

Kelly obeyed.

Samantha began massaging his neck, getting into the tight, tension-filled knots. Felt good, thought Kelly as he could sense his stress slipping away a little.

Sam went lower working into his shoulders. She was good, definitely had plenty of practice. She went at his shoulders and back for many minutes. Kelly was completely relaxed, thinking of a nap.

Sam gently cupped Kelly's face in her hands, stopping the massage. She pulled him in and pressed her lips against his, softly at first mouth only slightly parted. Then she came in stronger mouth open.

"Whoa!" Kelly pushed her back softly, clearly confused.

"Don't think," whispered Sam. "Just let me do this."

"Do what?" asked Kelly not getting what was obviously happening.

Samantha pushed in harder with her mouth, her hand stroking his hair and running down his neck and back.

Feels so good, thought Kelly who hadn't been touched that way in a long while, too long.

He pushed away again knowing what was happening now. He also knew there was no way he could let it happen, no matter how good it felt, no matter how much his body wanted it.

"We can't, Sam. I can't."

"Yes, you can. I want to see you happy, smiling. Let me do this for you." She was smiling, hair falling in her face, hands back to holding Kelly's face.

"I can't. Feels kinda like a sympathy screw, and I can't let you do that," said Kelly also smiling.

"I don't think you've ever had a sympathy fuck," laughed Sam. "I want to, really."

"I can't. Not yet." Kelly pushed a little harder.

Samantha flopped back against the couch sighing loudly.

"If you're sure. I haven't been rejected before. Not sure if I like this!" she said laughing.

"Nah, I'm not rejecting you. Just not ready, too soon. Kinda make sense?" Kelly did appreciate the offer. He really did, but some days it seemed he was just proposing to Royce, planning for their baby. He couldn't think of being with someone else.

"When you are ready, promise me I'll be the first to know. Deal?" asked Sam looking wide eyed and innocent.

"Of course," replied Kelly knowing that Shay would have his ass if he had sex with her sister. Yeah, there'd be no going back on that one. Best to avoid that territory.

"Then I'm making you lunch, a super fattening one, giving you another massage, then you can nap. How's that for a proposition you can take?"

"You got it." Nap sounded good.

It seemed that Kelly's life was a whirl of PT, extra workouts with Casey, and sessions with Dr. Sears.

The rehab on the leg was going well, leg getting stronger every day. It made Kelly work that much harder, easier to push when you can see results.

Casey was also pushing his friend hard, really hard. There was no way he was letting Kelly fail the PAT (physical abilities test). He was running him through the simulations, ladder pull was kicking his butt every time, and he hadn't even gotten to the stair climb with equipment yet.

"I can't... do it," said Kelly out if breath.

Casey had never heard those words from Kelly before. No way, it was always "I'll do it better than you, faster than you." Not this. He wasn't hearing it.

"Bullshit!" said Casey dragging the ladder back down. "Do it again, but like you mean it this time!"

"Quit dragging ass!" he barked at Kelly after a try at the victim carry simulation with a dummy drag. "The guy's dead by now with how slow you're going!"

"Such a dick," muttered Kelly under his breath going much faster the second time.

"Better! Much better! Good! Okay, take a water break, then three more times before we're done."

"Three more? Asshole's tryin to kill me," gasped Kelly taking large gulps of water.

"Okay, let's get to it!" Casey had a huge smile on his face obviously enjoying this little dictatorship he'd set up.

The doctor gave his approval for the PAT, so Kelly set it up for the next available time slot...in two days.

Casey took him, feeling as nervous as his friend. He was nonstop chatter on the way, very un-Casey like.

"Remember, when you do the ladder pull try to use your shoulders more, they're stronger, save the leg for the stair climb. Oh, and say something to the dummy when you drag him out. They like it if you act like it's a real rescue, so don't drag it out by the neck..."

"Matt, I know, I know. I got this. Jesus, you're makin me nervous as hell."

Casey gave Kelly an awkward hug before he walked over to the waiting lieutenants from House 2, with Truck 8 lying in wait to test him.

Two hours later Kelly walked over to Casey, head down looking like he'd been to the depths of Hades and back. Head down, limping badly, face red, Kelly did look like he'd been through some disaster.

"Nope, didn't pass." Kelly barely looked at his friend.

"What? What did they say?" asked Casey handing Kelly a huge Gatorade, trying to keep his voice even.

"They said to come back in two weeks. They said they didn't expect me to do so well."

"What the hell!" yelled Casey. "Goddamn Boden said something. He must've told 'em something! We are going back in there and demanding..." Casey was walking quickly to the station.

Kelly grabbed Casey's arm. "No we're not! I'm coming back and passing that bitch in two weeks! Now, let's go before I pass out."

Hard to believe that two weeks had passed, but dinner at Tom's was the next day. It couldn't have come at a better time. Kelly needed the visit; he needed Tom.

They all caravanned up and Kelly laughed aloud to see Tom waiting outside pacing around with a broom, not a leaf in sight.

He had a huge grin on his face the minute he caught a glimpse of Kelly.

Kelly ran out of the car and the two hugged for a long time.

"Missed you, son," said Tom with a little wetness forming at the eyes.

"Man, I needed to see you," Kelly intoned with a few of his own tears forming. "Hey, let me introduce you to everyone."

Tom said everyone's name before Kelly could get the intros out. All were laughing realizing that Kelly must have told a story or two told during his stay. Everyone came, even Boden.

"Come in, come in. I've made enough food to feed an army!" Tom introduced everyone to Jerry who was slicing a pork roast.

The dining room table was a bustle of talking, passing the food around, lots of stories and laughing.

"Kelly," said Tom looking at his young friend, "you look darn good! So much better. You've made an old man happy."

"How did you look when you got here?" whispered Shay into Kelly's ear.

Kelly just shrugged.

The fish stories came next with all laughing, Tom and Kelly trying to one up each other. You would think they caught a whale with the lies coming from both their mouths.

Then Jerry jumped in with how he sprang into action and saved Kelly's life. The table grew quiet; they wanted to hear what had gone on, needed to know what had happened.

Tom saved his friend once again by deflecting the conversation to the delectable desserts he created... a NY style cheesecake with raspberry sauce and a German chocolate cake, one of Gracie's specialties.

Tom excused himself to the kitchen to get the desserts with Kelly close behind to help. It was their chance to talk, just the two of them.

Kelly told Tom about the total failure on the PAT.

"And?" asked Tom. "You'll go back in two weeks and do it again."

"Yeah, that's what I was thinkin."

"Good. I'm glad you're head's right on this. No big deal Kelly. Is it that big of a deal?" Tom knew what to say to reach his friend...every time.

Kelly smiled. Yes, he needed this.

"Hey, my young friend. We know it's not the end of the world, right? We've been through worse. A little bump in the road, tiny little bump."

When they went back with the desserts, Jerry was riding Casey pretty hard.

"Hell, when I was your age, I'd been married for eight years and already had two kids. What's the hold up? Look around the table, if you can't pick one of these lovely ladies, you're either blind or dead!"

Casey was turning a familiar shade of red, his look pleading with Kelly to save him.

"Jerry, lay off! Casey didn't come here to walk down the aisle. Let him eat in peace."

"Yeah, I'll get to you next! Look at that roommate of yours! What's wrong with you? If you don't marry her, I will!" Jerry was in rare form.

Kelly had told his old friends that Shay was gay, but he now realized he may have to spell it out for Jerry. He didn't seem to get it. Maybe he thought Shay was in a perpetual state of happy.

At the end of the night, Kelly decided to stay the night. Casey offered to stay also since he was off the next day. He would be Kelly's ride home.

"Gabby, why don't you stay too? Kelly's told me you are some kind of chef. We could have a friendly little competition for breakfast, maybe even teach an old dog some new tricks." Tom wanted all of them to stay.

"Um, sure, I guess. Casey, I can hop a ride with you and Kelly?"

"Uh, no problem," said Casey smiling broadly.

"Damn, I wish I didn't have to work tomorrow!"complained Shay.

"I can stay! I don't work!" Samantha added happily.

"No, you're driving, sis." Shay did not want to think about Casey, Dawson, and Sam spending the night together.

That night Casey couldn't sleep, still thinking about the PAT, how to get Kelly more ready, and Jerry's words were also filling his head.

He walked down the dark stairway, trying not to wake anyone up, making his way to the fridge. That chocolate cake was calling his name. Apparently, not just his.

Dawson almost choked on the piece she was downing when she saw Matt open the refrigerator with just his boxers on.

"Hey," she whispered hoping not to scare him.

Casey jumped a little, but smiled recognizing that voice. He carried the cake to Dawson setting it down right by her.

"Mind if we share?" he asked plopping down in a stool right next to her.

Gabby held out a forkful to the awaiting mouth of Matthew Casey.

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**Hope this satisfied! Write a review and let me know what you think! Oooh, will Dawson and Casey finally...**


	11. Chapter 11

**Well, this one is coming to its end. Kelly's back, Casey and Dawson are finally taking a shot at something, and maybe Kelly will have a little happiness.**

**One more chapter and then an epilogue because I love wrapping it up that way. Haha! Leave me your thoughts, reviews are cool. **

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Dawson and Casey almost finished up the cake. The little piece they left was pathetic...someone would be disappointed when they wanted some the next day.

"Okay, don't get pissed but Tom and Jerry remind me of two lieutenants I know pretty well. Their bullshit stories, hilarious!" Dawson was laughing thinking of the two younger versions.

"Yeah, when Kelly told me about them, I could see the resemblance. My question is who's Tom and who's Jerry? And their names. I don't think Matt & Kelly have the same ring."

"Does it matter? Hopefully, you guys mellow out a little like the older versions. I can still hear Kelly going at you hard at the house. What did he say? Something about not having enough sack to admit you were seeing Heather Darden. Geez, you two."

"You know nothing ever happened between Heather and me," said Casey never having gotten that out there before. Not wanting Dawson to think he would "roll around with Andy's widow" as Kelly had so delicately put it.

"I figured it was Severide just being Severide."

"He is a handful sometimes, most times. He did give me some good advice when I was running him through drills though."

"Good advice? Hmmm, shocked. What was it?" asked Gabby.

"He said life was short," began Casey hesitating on adding the last part.

"True. We've all seen that the past few months." Gabby agreed somberly, thinking of Hallie gone, Renee and the baby taken forever. Yes, way too short.

"And he said I should get off my ass, take a chance, and ask you out." Casey looked expectantly at Dawson finally getting it out.

"Never thought I'd see the day when I completely agreed with Kelly." Dawson smiled so glad she gave in to that midnight craving.

Casey wiped a little frosting from the corner of Gabby's mouth. She thought her heart was going to pound a hole in her chest. Was this really happening? She looked into those beautiful blue eyes not quite believing they were just inches from hers.

Dawson moved her face in a little closer, half closing her eyes. Casey at long last took the not so subtle hint.

He grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in pressing his lips hard against hers. Dawson met his passion, reaching both hands to his face.

Her touch felt so good. The last woman who touched him this way was Hallie and that had been almost a year ago. He needed this; his body longed for this. He could feel a passion beneath his skin dormant for all these months. Even before Hallie came back, he'd wanted this...from Dawson. But damn Mills. He'd moved into her heart so quickly.

Dawson felt like she couldn't breathe, the pulsating in her chest going deeper and lower. She realized she suddenly didn't seem to need air. The more their lips touched, the more she needed him. He was the only man in the world at that moment.

They heard someone stumbling a little down the stairs and parted quickly, faces flushed, not ready to separate.

Kelly switched on the light, temporarily blinded.

"Aw, shit," he said turning off the light and heading back upstairs.

"Severide, get back down here. Finish up the cake. You're skinny as hell!" Casey was up grabbing Kelly's arm leading him back to the kitchen. He flipped on the light blinding them all again.

"What the hell happened to the rest of it?" Kelly asked looking at the teeny piece in disbelief.

"Dawson was hungry," laughed Casey nudging her arm.

"Nice." said Gabby shaking her head and wishing Kelly'd just kept on trekking up those stairs.

The three went up in a few minutes, Casey heading for a shower, cold shower.

The ride back to Chicago began with an uncomfortable silence.

Kelly decided to break it.

"So what's goin on? Are you two officially dating?"

"We are," said Casey thinking about their upcoming date, on Tuesday, to a restaurant. Very official.

"It's about damn time," Kelly was already pulling out his phone to text Shay.

The rest of the ride was full of conversation. Casey was determined for Kelly to pass the PAT, even if he had to take it for him. He was going on and on about workout schedules, more training.

Kelly was quiet, no response.

"He's out," said Dawson laughing quietly looking back at the sleeping Severide. "You wore him out with all that talking."

"Tell me he's going to pass this time."

"Can't do that. He might, he might not. But I will tell you he will eventually pass. He'll be back." Dawson rubbed Casey's arm as he drove.

"I needed to hear that."

It was time to face that damn test again. Kelly felt calm this time, not as worried. It was strange, but he could hear his mom's always encouraging words, telling him he could do it. He somehow felt her presence.

Casey was more nervous than before, barking reminders. But no one was happier when Kelly emerged victorious. Casey knew from his friend's smile that he had whipped that test, or at least passed it.

"Yeah, yeah, hell yeah!" whooped Casey grabbing Kelly and almost picking him up. Kelly just laughed at the reaction. Yes, his mom had definitely been with him.

_-0-_

_"Kelly, hit the ball, baby, not the tee!" encouraged Corinne at her five year old son._

_"What, mommy?" yelled Kelly back, turning away from the tee and going in a little circle trying to look at his mom in the stands._

_"Jesus, let him concentrate," said Benny with a grim look on his face. "He's just not gettin' it," he continued with disappointment in his voice._

_Kelly hit the tee again with the ball barely rolling off, being called a foul._

_"C'mon, Kelly! The ball! The ball! Not the tee!" yelled Benny this time. He had gotten up to walk closer._

_Kelly did the same thing, ball kerplunking to the ground._

_The coach smiled and said that was it. He pointed to first base and instructed Kelly to run on. No keeping score, everyone got on base, just an intro to the sport, hopefully to develop lifelong lovers of the game._

_Benny ran onto the field grabbing Kelly's hand, leading him to the dugout. He smiled as he passed the coach, who was clearly confused._

_"My son is not taking a base when he didn't hit the damn ball." Benny said still smiling as he sat Kelly down. "You got another at bat. Hit it next time. And if you cry we're leavin' now."_

_Kelly didn't cry, and he did hit the ball the next time._

_Corinne didn't say a word to Benny. She told her beautiful boy that he did "spectacular." Kelly wasn't sure what that meant but knew it was good._

_"Kelly, you did okay on the last hit, but that's what you need to do every time. Do you understand? We can work on it tomorrow. Son, I want you to know that failure is not an option. Ever!"_

_Lesson learned... driven home even further with the arguing that ensued the rest of the night from mommy and daddy's bedroom._

_-0-_

Kelly was officially cleared for duty. Doctor gave the okay. He'd passed the PAT. And Dr. Sears had put his stamp of approval on Kelly's mental state.

Shay and Samantha were waiting impatiently. They stared silently as the two lieutenants entered.

"Passed!" yelled Kelly picking up his roommate kissing her all over her head. "Cleared for duty!"

"Woohoo!" screamed Shay. "Kelly, I'm so damn proud of you," she continued, tears streaming down her face.

"He's back," chimed in Casey. He couldn't wait to have Kelly back on every shift leading squad where he should be.

Boden was more than happy to have Severide back. He'd ridden his lieutenant hard wanting to make sure he was ready. Over the years, he'd seen too many come back too soon with disastrous consequences. Some had even lost their lives. Kelly needed a smooth transition, deserved it.

"Kelly, good to have you back where you belong." The chief brushed Kelly's hand aside to give him a tight hug.

"Glad to be back. Need to be back."

Kelly arriving at the station was a homecoming he would never forget, a highlight of his life. Tom was there, Jerry, Samantha, everyone he cared about, loved.

"Wow, even a cake," said Kelly spying a huge cake that read, "Welcome Back, Severide!" and had a Superman on it.

They'd barely dug in when the old, familiar call for truck, squad, and ambulance boomed loud and clear.

Kelly was excited, nervous, ready.

Everyone else was just nervous. Boden had called them all in the day before to make sure all had Severide's back. Unnecessary. They'd already decided to do whatever it took to ensure Kelly had a smooth transition. They didn't care if they had to carry him for a month, longer.

They didn't have to carry him, at least not much. An extra hand here, a gentle push back so he wasn't the first one in, everyone kept an eye open. Shay was a little more comfortable with him back on squad. Casey was on edge, but thrilled to have his friend back, and to have a little joy in his personal life.

The date with Dawson was just what the pair needed, a little happiness to break the darkness of the past months. It was both seemingly familiar and exciting at the same time.

It was good friends who loved each other as friends coming together to try something more, to add something more. It felt right, and comfortable, and like the stars had finally aligned, timing finally in tune.

They were at a routine call, no one injured, Dawson and Shay waiting impatiently for the lieutenants to come out of a still smoldering warehouse.

"This is torture. What the hell is taking so long?" asked Shay biting her lip and pacing around the parking lot by the ambo.

"Looks like there are still a few hot spots. They'll be out in a bit. Hey, it'll get easier the stronger he gets." Dawson said trying to reassure her friend.

"What do you mean? Do you think he rushed it? He's not ready?" Shay was escalating to full panic and quick.

"Not what I mean at all. He's gotta come back. He's ready. He's just not a hundred percent yet, but he's gettin there. Hey, look! There they are." Dawson said watching Casey and Severide come out, patting each other on the back, all smiles.

Kelly walked over to Shay seeing concern all over her face.

"You okay," she asked trying to keep it casual but her voice breaking.

"Yep," he replied, devilish grin on his face. "Gettin' stronger every day." Kelly knew he spoke the truth. He desperately wanted to wipe that worried look off Shay's face. He also knew that would never happen. There was a comfort in that too.

"You are stronger," said Shay hooking one arm in his walking back to the truck. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yeah. You say it almost every day. Do I say it... enough, ever?" Kelly knew he probably didn't but he did feel it everyday, every time he looked at her, every time he screwed up, every time he didn't screw up.

"Kel, I know it. Always." Shay pushed him in the truck and gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

Yes, with each passing day getting a little stronger. Shay knew he'd be back to indestructible in a few days, weeks, months, whatever it took.

Back at the apartment, Samantha had big news of her own.

"Guess who's also going back to work?" asked Sam with her usual enthusiasm.

"No way!" Shay exclaimed hugging her tightly. Kelly joined in the hug and kind of picked them up.

"I'm moving back to New York because apparently Bloomingdales thinks I am awesome!" Samantha broke free of the hug to prance around the kitchen strutting her stuff.

"Duh!" Shay laughed watching her sister with a tinge of disappointment.

"We are going out tonight to celebrate and I am paying! No arguing! Now go shower and get ready!"

Tom joined the trio for dinner, and the night was a perfect way to send off Sam...it was all fun, smiles, and happy stories. Shay and Kelly were sorry to see her go. She'd been an unexpected bright light in a dark time, and Kelly couldn't count the number of times he'd thanked God for her being with Shay when he left.

The next day it was a bittersweet send off. Saying bye to Tom was always sad, but Kelly knew he'd see him in a couple of weeks.

Samantha was too excited about her new job for anyone to be too sad.

"I love you, Little. No sad looks right now. I'll be home for Christmas at Tom's! You can be the one who tells dad that one," she laughed.

Samantha's laugh did turn to tears when she gave out hugs. She told Kelly not to forget to call her, made a little "call me" sign with her hand held up to her ear, and hopped into her waiting cab. All agreed that would be easier than a long goodbye at the airport.

"What was that about?" asked Shay confused. "Call her about what?"

"Uh, nothin. She wants to keep in touch," explained Kelly mumbling a little.

"Hmmm," Shay said deciding to drop it but sensing there had to be more to the story.

"Guess what?" asked Shay with a goofy grin on her face.

"What?"

"It's just the two of us today. How long's it been since it was just us?" Shay couldn't remember many times when it was just them since Kelly's return. "What do you wanna do? Movies? The pier?"

"Can we just stay in? Watch movies, plant ourselves on the couch. We'll order in. Kinda boring, but sound okay?" Kelly looked at his best friend head cocked a little to the side.

"Sounds perfect, Kel." It did sound perfect to her. Both of them snuggled on the couch all day, her head resting in that perfect hollow of his shoulder with his arm around her. Really the only place she ever felt completely safe, completely loved.

Kelly was thinking the exact same thing.


	12. Chapter 12

**Okay, two more chapters left in this one. I'm not going to do an epilogue because I've got a good idea for a sort of continuation in another story. It will focus more on Kelly and someone he meets in the last chapter. Thank you to those who are sticking with it and review! **

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Kelly was physically back. He was leading squad, and it felt good. No one had to watch his back, make sure he could keep up.

He was grateful his body had returned to where it was at before the accident. There were times he didn't think he would ever get to 100 percent. The frustrations of remembering what you could do but not being able to do it had weighed on him. He pushed through, worked hard and it paid off.

The leg would probably always be weaker than the other. No matter how much he worked it, the leg was a fraction off what it was. The rest of his body compensated, so no one could tell. Kelly, of course, could tell, and he was okay with it.

Small price to pay, he thought. He'd survived. He got to do the job he loved.

Shay worried less everyday. She still worried. That was the way it was between the two. Kelly worried about the blonde, and Shay worried about her fireman.

They were both on shift when the phone call came in. Shay was cleaning the ambo with Dawson. Kelly was playing cards with Casey, Otis, and Mouch.

Kelly felt the vibration of his phone...Jerry was calling.

"Jerry, what's up?"

"Kelly, now don't panic. Tom said not to call but I knew you would be furious if I didn't and well, you're a lot younger and could probably kick my ass. And you know Tom's older and doesn't have much ass kicking in him..."

"Jerry, what happened?" Kelly could hear the panic in Jerry's voice and it was causing his own panic to rise. "What the hell happened?"

"Tom had a heart attack. He's okay, I think, or going to be okay."

Kelly didn't let Jerry finish. He said he was coming and took off to Boden's office. Chief told him to go. Now. And call to let him know how Tom was doing. Everyone fell a little in love with the old pastor.

"Shay, gotta go. Tom's had a heart attack," said Kelly poking his head in the ambulance.

"God, Kel! Oh God, no. Call me as soon as you know anything. I'm off tomorrow, so I'll head up."

"I've gotta go, Shay. I'll call you." Kelly was running out of the station that familiar heaviness in his chest, hoping Tom was okay.

Entering the hospital room, Kelly could feel himself falling apart...seeing Tom so frail in the bed. Pale, looking so old.

He rushed to Tom's bedside.

"Tom," his voice was breaking, more words wouldn't come out.

The old man's eyes opened.

"I'm gonna kick Jerry's ass," whispered Tom.

Kelly chuckled a little, the tears coming down his face. So afraid for his old friend. Afraid for himself.

"Tom, you're gonna be okay, right. I can't lose you now. I just met you. I can't lose one more person."

"Son, I'm fine. The doc says they're putting some stent in me tomorrow. Should clear everything right up. I'm not goin' anywhere," reassured Tom holding Kelly's hand.

Kelly just buried his face in Tom's side. He stayed in the room all night, not sleeping, getting all the details from the nurses and doctors. All assumed this was Tom's wonderful son, so worried for his father. They weren't far off.

Shay showed up in the morning just as the procedure was underway. Kelly had texted her all night long.

"Kelly," she said entering the waiting room. She wrapped her arms around him holding on tight.

"What is wrong with me," he said wiping his face with his sleeve.

"Nothing. You're worried about your friend."

Putting the stent in took just over an hour. The cardiologist had a big smile on his face.

"Your dad did just great. Looks like he's going to be up and running in no time. He's in recovery, but you can see him in a bit. A nurse will come get you two."

Kelly shook the doctor's hand and released a huge breath of relief. He knew deep down he would have to face a time when Tom would not be okay. He was in his eighties, after all. But, thank God, today was not that day.

He turned to Shay and picked her up swinging her around. He kissed her on the forehead, and she buried her head in his chest.

Tom was released after one more day. Jerry would be his nursemaid, with both old guys whining and bitching about the arrangement, but neither would have it any other way.

Kelly and Shay vowed to come back their next three days off.

"Kelly, you don't have to do that. You two go have fun, take out one of those boats you work on. Do something." Tom protested not wanting his young friends to waste their hard earned days off catering to him.

"Don't be a pain in the ass," teased Shay.

"Does she treat you this way?" asked Tom laughing, already thinking about what he'd cook when they got to his house.

"Hell yeah and worse," complained Kelly with his trademark grin, knowing he would pay for that comment soon.

The next shift all the firefighters wanted to hear that Tom was doing well, going to make a full recovery.

Kelly was happy to tell about the stent procedure, about Jerry taking over as nurse, and about Tom arguing a little with Shay.

"You didn't warn him about arguing with Leslie Shay? What kinda friend are you?" asked Mouch.

Shay gave him a lifted eyebrow and he shut it, quick.

Everyone erupted in laughter, Kelly laughing the loudest of all. Shay punched Mouch and Kelly in the arm for their troubles looking at Dawson for a little back up.

"Don't look at me," laughed Gabby, "I know not to argue with you."

The days of normalcy turned into weeks then turning into months. Routine could be a good thing. Tom was doing great. The little visits from Kelly, fishing, cooking for his friend, really kept him going.

Life at the station was as normal as possible. So many calls, some with happy endings, some with tragic ones. No one seriously injured... twisted ankles, bruises, scrapes, cuts, minor burns...all go with the job of fireman.

Shay and Kelly were off for three day, not going to Tom's this time. They were taking a boat out the next day, planning to drink at Molly's at night.

Shay brought the mail in dumping it on the counter in front of Kelly as he shoveled huge spoonfuls of cereal into his mouth.

He stopped long enough to spot a return address label on one of the envelopes. Mr. and Mrs. Royce. Renee's parents. Grandparents of their lost baby. Kelly felt like he'd been punched in the gut.

He picked up the envelope slowly studying it. Fancy cream colored, heavy paper, his name handwritten on the front - Kelly Severide. Pretty handwriting, must be Mrs. Royce's.

"What's wrong?" asked Shay seeing the expression on her friend's face, knowing immediately something was definitely wrong.

He slid the envelope over.

Shay just stared at the names on it. Then she looked at Kelly tears welling in her eyes. No words.

Kelly slowly reached for the envelope opening it, not sure if he wanted to see what it held. He pulled a card out and stared at it for a couple of minutes. It seemed like an eternity to Shay. He wiped his nose and eyes with his arm.

"It's been a year," Kelly said passing the card to Shay.

_A Celebration of Renee's Life - the top of the card read. It was the one year anniversary of her passing. The Royces invited those closest to their baby to celebrate the beautiful, young woman. Everyone was encouraged to bring pictures or funny stories. There was a handwritten message at the bottom._

_Kelly,_  
_I would love to see you and know you are doing well. Please come._  
_Love, Mrs. Royce_

Kelly pushed the card away and in that one motion Shay knew he wasn't going.

"Kelly," she began wanting to talk about it, knowing he needed to talk about it.

"Not now, Shay," said Kelly heading upstairs to his room. He needed a shower. A shower to wash the vision in his head away. The picture in his brain of Renee lying dead on a steel slab, of his baby swaddled in a blanket not moving, not crying, not breathing.

_-0-_

_"Severide, get your ass out of the car. Move it before I come in there," yelled Darden trying to sound tough through slurred drunken words._

_"Andy, let's go back to the bar. Get your ass back in here," Kelly shouted wanting to be anywhere but in this place._

_"C'mon," pleaded Andy with that puppy dog look in his eyes._

_"She's not even really here. Let's get outta here." Kelly was pleading now._

_"This is for you, bud. C'mon," Andy opened Kelly's door and reached in trying to grab his friend's arm. He missed the arm, grabbing at the air and falling on his ass._

_"Jesus, Andy. Let's get this over with," Kelly said sobering up quick. He got out and headed for the rows of tombstones, not sure where he was going._

_"Wait up," whispered Andy, running and stumbling to catch up. Darden had been to Corinne's gravesite several times, cleaning it up, pulling weeds, leaving flowers._

_He hoped this would help Kelly get back on track. His friend had been on a rampage since his mother's death, yelling at everyone at the station, going through women like he was on borrowed time, getting drunk almost every night. It was a fast track to self destruction and he needed Severide to get off that road._

_"It's over here," said Andy softly._

_Kelly stared at his mother's name, Corinne Elizabeth Severide. Right there etched in stone. No denying it. She was gone._

_Kelly sat down in front of it. He touched the name, tracing it with a finger, wishing his mom was there. Wishing he could talk to her one more time. Andy plopped down next to him._

_It was the sound of Andy crying that finally broke Kelly. Andy's damn, quiet sniffles._

_"Mom, I'm sorry I haven't come," started Kelly. "I couldn't. I miss you, mom."_

_Andy put an arm around his best friend, both young men crying with their own memories of Corinne. So began Kelly's grieving and his road to recovery._

_They stayed all night, finally passing out on the soft grass by her headstone. Corinne watched over her son that night. And every night since._

_-0-_

Boat trip cancelled. Kelly was a hermit the rest of the days off, holed up in his room, not talking much.

Back on shift, Shay turned to Dawson for help.

"I don't know what to do when he gets like this. He won't talk, but I know he needs to. He can't NOT go to the memorial."

"Maybe Casey can talk to him. I don't know. You can't force him to go." Dawson hoped that Matt would be able to get through that Severide exterior.

"What can I say or do that will change anything?" Casey didn't like the idea of talking to Kelly about Renee's memorial. His friend was just back to semi-normal. "What if it sends him back to where he was?"

"I'm just asking because Shay wanted me to."

Kelly walked in to the tail end of the conversation.

"Can I not take a damn minute to think about whether I'm goin' or not?" Kelly stared at the two waiting for some response.

"Hey, man, sorry. You do whatever you need to do," said Casey.

Kelly sighed deeply. "Sorry I'm being a dick about it. I don't wanna go, but I do wanna go. If that makes any sense."

"It does. I can go with you," said Casey simply.

"No. I'm going. Alone. I have to."


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you to those who review! So excited that CF is back in production and filming the new season. This chapter has Kelly facing Renee's memorial service with a surprise visitor. The next chapter (the last, really, well, maybe) will end on a happy note. Hope you enjoy.**

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The week of Renee's Celebration of Life arrived in what felt like the blink of an eye. "Celebration" thought Kelly bitterly when he saw the card. He was glad the Royce's could get to the point where they wanted to celebrate something, but Kelly couldn't imagine it really. Celebrating Renee with family and friends who knew her way better than he ever did sounded a little like torture. And how could he celebrate a baby's life who he never got to feed, change a diaper, see a first smile...his baby.

But he knew he had to go. He knew if he didn't it would eat at him for the rest of his life. There were enough things eating at him; he didn't need this to add to the list.

"Kelly, I wish you'd let me go. I wanna support you, be there. You cannot go by yourself." Shay was as nervous about the memorial as Kelly.

She knew things could go terribly wrong. She had visions of Renee's family turning on him, blaming him, causing him to go back down that dark road he traveled at the cabin.

She would not stand for that. No way in hell anyone was doing that to Kelly with her around.

"Appreciate it but no. Gotta do it by myself." Kelly already had this argument with Casey. His friend had insisted, demanded, but Kelly, again, refused.

He'd played all the terrible scenarios through in his mind. The Royce's calling him out on how this could've been avoided if he'd gone to Spain with their daughter, that she was too good for him, that he was driving, and so much more had run through his brain. Yet he still knew he had to go. Was going.

Bags packed, just a drop off at the airport. Lots of tears from Shay, didn't really help anything, didn't instill the confidence he so desperately needed at the moment.

"Love you," she said through many tears.

"I'll be back in two days. Love you too." Kelly headed to his gate contemplating just turning around and going home with his best friend.

No, too many years of avoiding the difficult, the uncomfortable...he'd done it in relationships, with injuries. Time to face it for once, head on. Renee deserved this. His baby boy deserved this.

He checked into his hotel, close to Butterfly Beach and the Four Seasons, where the memorial would be held. He couldn't afford that place, and was actually glad. He couldn't imagine running into Mr. Royce in the lobby, all of Renee's lifetime friends. No better to be apart from all of them.

He had one night, one night to collect his thoughts, try to calm his nerves. In reality it was one more night to imagine how terrible the day might be tomorrow, all the things that could go wrong.

He skipped dinner, couldn't eat, flipped on the TV and mindlessly stared at the screen. Shay had texted so many times to check on him. He finally responded at 9:00 saying he'd been at dinner and was going to bed now. She again said she loved him and Kelly cursed himself for not going back to the apartment with her, or at least letting her come. Stupid ass, he thought.

A completely sleepless night. Every time Kelly rested his eyes, he saw Renee's face, his baby's face...damn, he thought he was done with that.

Finally time to head for the service. Shay had decided on khaki pants and a blue button up shirt for Kelly to wear. Celebration of Renee's life on the beach, then food back at the hotel.

"You need something casual enough for the beach but nice enough for that fancy hotel. This is perfect," Shay had said tucking in the back of the blue shirt. "You look perfect. Handsome. We're getting this."

And that was done. One less thing to worry about. Shay had washed everything, packed most of his bag, made him take his razor to shave. God, she was like a mom sometimes, he thought with a smile, again wishing he'd let her come.

Kelly walked through the Four Seasons to their private beach access, immediately seeing a huge tent with tons of people already gathered. As he grew closer he was almost knocked out with the sight of an extremely large picture of Renee, a close up of her with a smile on her face, really laughing.

God, this was going to be hard, so hard, thought Kelly, again wishing Shay's hand was in his. He was second guessing himself. Why the hell did I come? No one wants me here. He was frozen, staring at that gigantic picture of Renee, unable to move, to get a seat, to do anything.

Kelly felt a hand on his shoulder and must've jumped a couple of inches in the air.

"Sorry, Kelly. Didn't mean to scare you, hon." Mrs. Royce's kind facing was smiling up at Kelly's.

She grabbed him in a warm, full hug. That familiar, loving hug, that always lasted a few seconds longer than necessary. Although this time it was definitely needed. Kelly let out a long sigh he didn't know he was holding.

Tears welled in both their eyes as they pulled away and just looked at each other.

"No tears. This is a celebration! Let me introduce you to some of Renee's friends I don't think you've met."

What friends of Renee's did I ever meet, thought Kelly sadly. He was paraded around the room awkwardly meeting all the important people in Renee's life, the people who loved her.

No one was downright rude. Everyone respected and loved Mrs. Royce too much for that, but the air was a little chilly. Kelly could only imagine what they thought of him...nothing good, that was obvious.

Mrs. Royce finally decided he'd met enough people, sensing the lukewarm reception. She plopped Kelly in a chair and rushed off to get him a glass of water.

Mr. Royce appeared in front of him as soon as Mrs. Royce made her exit.

Jesus, why the hell did I come again, he thought.

"Mr. Severide," said Mr. Royce extending his hand.

Kelly got up feeling like he couldn't take one more thing.

"Mr. Royce, nice to see you," said Kelly shaking the older man's hand.

"I am glad you came. Renee would have wanted it and my wife needed to see you. She's been worried." Mr. Royce mumbled awkwardly.

"Thank you for inviting me. I, um, I'm sorry I haven't been in contact. Um, I, I've been sort of out of commission," stumbled Kelly equally as awkward.

"I know," said Mr. Royce smiling at his wife who returned with two glasses of water.

"Playing nice?" asked Mrs. Royce nervously. The last thing she wanted was for these two to be alone.

She had been worried about Kelly, the man her daughter had loved. She had been secretly in contact with Chief Boden, following Kelly's tragic journey. She'd cried when Boden told her of how no one could find him, she'd cried again when he returned home.

She hadn't told her husband any of this until about four weeks ago when he refused to invite Kelly.

"That man has been through what we've gone through! He, of all people, understands!" she screamed at her husband.

"He IS the reason this has happened!" began Mr. Royce angrily.

"Don't you ever say that again! Renee loved him! Do you even care about that? She would want him there! She WANTS him there!" Mrs. Royce was not backing down, no way. She did know that Renee would want him there. She also knew that this man had the rest of his life to live, that he had to be there, needed to be there.

She told her husband about the conversations with Boden, and it immediately quieted him down. He'd imagined Kelly just moving on to the next piece of ass, the next in a long line before Renee and a long line to come after.

"He is broken. Renee wouldn't want that. Our baby loved him. He needs this," Mrs. Royce's voice was just above a whisper.

"Invite him." Mr. Royce took his wife in his arms. They cried. For the hundredth time? More? They clung to each other in sadness, the quiet desperation of two people trying to move on, not knowing how, and just praying that this memorial would somehow help.

"It's starting soon, a bunch of Renee's friends are speaking. You can if you'd like, Kelly, but no pressure. You don't have to." Mrs. Royce was off gathering the first group of friends.

"I am glad you're here, Kelly," said Mr. Royce tapping Kelly's arm before walking to the front to join his wife.

They welcomed everyone, said a few words about their beautiful daughter, kept it short. Then Mrs. Royce introduced a video they were starting with and the waterworks really began.

It was an education for Kelly. All he would ever want to know about Renee from birth to death was in it. Baby pictures, Girl Scouts, summers at the beach, gymnastics, everything. It was all there. Dead silence, other than the stifled crying of just about everyone in there.

Keep it together, keep it together, thought Kelly. Don't look at the screen, think of something else, anything else. Damn. Where's Shay when I need her?

Again, he felt the wind knocked completely out of him when he saw a picture of himself in the video. Jesus, where did they get that picture? Off the Internet? Then another, the photo booth strip of silly pictures of Renee and him. He'd gotten one and Renee had gotten the other. He buried his face in his hands and didn't look up for the rest of the video.

Then the sea of friends began remembering Renee, mostly funny stories. Hilarious summer camp adventures, legal and illegal college high jinx, gymnastics horror stories, everything pointing to what an exceptional young woman Renee was.

Kelly thought, yeah, the world was basically made of two types of people - good people and assholes. Renee was one of the good ones as evidenced by the mass of loved ones who missed her now, who wanted to tell their Royce story.

Finally, no one was getting up to share any more stories. He would have to get up now if he was going to speak. He commanded his legs to move, but they were not cooperating.

He was sweating buckets and cursing Shay silently because his collar was itching him with no mercy.

Kelly Severide was a man normally full of confidence. His whole life he had never suffered from a lack of it...some would say too much. Well, right now, it was gone. He was stripped down to nothing, all the cockiness disappeared.

He got his stubborn legs working and headed to the front tentatively running his hand through his hair. He was biting his lip wondering when he'd picked up that habit. So nervous and not one thing planned out ahead of time. He met Mrs. Royce's gaze, giving him the push he needed to make it all the way to the front.

There was a small podium, and he reached out both hands on each side putting most of his weight on it. He was looking down at the stack of papers and index cards forgotten at the podium by other speakers.

He cleared his throat loudly and looked up. Blank faces staring at him. He cleared his throat again and began.

"Most of you don't know me. I knew Renee for a short time compared to everyone here." Kelly paused to take a big breath, still so nervous, and cleared his throat again.

"But the short time I spent with her was some of the best, the happiest I've had. The first day I met her she tried to electrocute me. She did."

Everyone laughed as Kelly continued.

"She hit a pole to avoid hittin' an animal. no one ever actually saw it. And there was this live wire out of control. I got her out and all I kept thinkin' was how damn beautiful she was. But of course I did nothing about it. She was way outta my league. I could see that. She came to the station and I think I'm dreamin'. I'm sure she told most of you that I brought a friend to our first date."

Everyone laughed again remembering Renee's version of the story. Remembering her telling them what a good man he was. He really had her heart at that dinner.

"Instead of running out of the place she acts like it was the perfect evening. It was. She was perfect in so many ways. A friend of mine said he married way above his head, and that was how it was with us. I think about how I shoulda done things different, wish I could go back..." His voice trailed off and broke. He put his face in his hands again wishing he could will himself out of there, just disappear.

He didn't know if he could continue. He slowly looked up to see everyone staring at him.

Tom? Tom came rushing up to the podium, looking so healthy, smiling, no evidence of being sick. Kelly couldn't help but smile through his tears, relief sweeping over him.

Tom hugged Kelly and whispered, "You did good, son, proud of you. Let me help you out now."

Tom turned to the friends and family of Renee. He had that endearing smile on his face, he was really made for this. He'd done so many funerals, too many funerals. He introduced himself as Kelly's good friend, and then proceeded to tell the story of the grubs turning into dragonflies...the sermon that brought Kelly back.

Tom finished up the sermon a little differently. "We shall go to them one day. Take comfort in the fact that we will be with Renee and the baby one day. Until that day comes, know that they are looking down on us, are with us, are loving us. Renee would want all of you to take that love for her, for the baby, and share it with each other, with all the little grubs around you."

Tom was the last to speak and it was the perfect way to end the memorial, the celebration of Renee's life. So many of Renee's friends came up to Kelly, telling him how much she loved him, she talked about him always. Mr. And Mrs. Royce were the last ones to approach Kelly and Tom. Mrs. Royce was back in with her signature hug.

Mr. Royce held out his hand. Kelly extended his. The handshake transformed into a hug with both men not sure who brought it in first. It was right. Two men who felt the loss perhaps more than anyone else should come together. The embrace let them release resentments, bitterness, all the anger each one had felt. All that was left was the love they both felt for Renee and the baby they never knew.

Kelly and Tom were invited to the Royce yacht for the scattering of Renee and the baby's ashes. It was just for close family, but they were asked by Mr. Royce at the last minute.

It had been a long and draining day. The car ride back to Kelly's hotel room was silent. After Kelly asked about Tom's health, the two fell into a comfortable quiet.

They were booked on the same flight back, thanks to Shay. She was the reason Tom was there at all. Kelly had refused to let her or Casey go. She knew Kelly wouldn't turn Tom away. Couldn't turn him away.

Yes, Leslie Shay, best friend he could ever hope for, one he didn't even know he needed when she entered his life. Now, one he knew he couldn't live without.

Tom watched his friend sleep on the flight back to Chicago. He hoped this would be what Kelly needed to release some of the anger. So angry at the world all of the time.

Yes, everyone said "he's back" and he was to a certain extent. But Tom knew his friend was full of fake smiles and happy conversation for the benefit of his friends. How did he know this in his heart? Because he and Gracie had done the same thing, even with each other, when their son had died. It had taken them years to truly "be back." He hoped his young friend would make the journey sooner.

* * *

**Aren't you glad someone came to help Kelly through the memorial? Let me know what you think!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay, I've written it to the end, but it's a small novel. Lol. I'm breaking it into two chapters. Do you want both posted tonight or should I wait a few days so you can take it in? This update ends sad - I know big shocker with my writing. What can I say? I like a good cry. The final chapter is not a downer, yay!**

**Thank you to my regulars who review! So let me know if you want it all now. Enjoy.**

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Shay, Casey, and Dawson were anxiously waiting for Kelly and Tom in the apartment. Gabby cooked a delicious chicken and shrimp fajita "welcome back" dinner with Spanish rice, guacamole, homemade tortilla chips, and a luscious flan for dessert. It smelled so good and tasted like a little heaven in your mouth. They'd sampled enough throughout the day.

Kelly and Tom walked in about an hour late, connecting flight delayed. They were laughing and talking as they entered.

A good sign, thought Shay. She really couldn't wait to get everyone out so it was just her and Kelly. That was when he always opened up, when they had their deepest heart to hearts.

She wanted to know how it actually went, not the canned response she was expecting him to say when asked about the memorial. "Went great. Everyone was nice. Glad I went." She could hear his answers in her brain before he even came home. She needed to know what was going on in that Severide head, if it'd helped him deal with any of the crap that went along with death.

"Kelly!" she said meeting him at the door and attacking him before he even got in. She was up in his arms hugging him. All he could do was laugh.

"I was gone for two days, Shay," said Kelly protesting but really happy with the greeting. Nothing like feeling loved, wanted. Yes, glad to be back.

"I missed you! Look what Dawson made!" she continued with her usual enthusiasm waving her arm majestically around the kitchen.

"I'm never leaving," said Tom heading straight for the stove for a little taste. At a certain age the conventions of "being polite" were kinda out the door. Tom felt right at home. Kelly just laughed again as his old friend ate three huge spoonfuls of the rice double dipping every time and started on the chips and guac.

"Save some for me!" Kelly headed to the stove. Dawson cut him off.

"The table's set. Get over there. You too!" she yelled at Tom.

Dinner was pretty quiet, the food too good for much conversation. When everyone just looked at their empty plates marveling at how much they ate, Casey decided to broach the subject.

"Um, so how'd it go?" he asked what they were wanting to hear.

"Good. Everyone was nice. Glad I went. Glad some old guy showed up," Kelly smiled at Tom and gave Shay a quick glance and wink.

"So no problems? Daddy Royce was okay?" asked Dawson knowing there had to be more. She knew Shay would get it out of him.

"Yeah, surprisingly, we came to a sort of a - an understanding, I guess," Kelly said looking at Tom.

Tom nodded his head. "I think he maybe saw a little of what Renee saw in you. What I see in you."

"Mrs. Royce was a sweetheart, as always. Still has a great hug," Kelly chuckled. "That damn hug gets me every time."

And that would be about all they would get out of their friend that night.

"There's a rumor that you made dessert," suggested Tom causing everyone at the table to laugh. He knew when to save Kelly, how to save Kelly. There was plenty of time for him to get a little Shay therapy. Tom knew his friend just needed a relaxing night, nothing heavy. Not tonight.

Kelly was so glad he hadn't taken off an extra day. Too much time to think, remember...

He just wanted to be busy. He got his wish and then some. The shift turned out to be nonstop calls, a pretty constant stream of emergencies from about 6:00 to midnight.

Truck, squad and ambulance needed at every one. Day started off with no fires...a one car accident. Elderly driver extricated by Kelly and Capp; he'd live. Next, a scaffolding collapse at an abandoned building getting renovated...luckily, only a few minor injuries from people below. The men had the scaffolding cleared in thirty minutes.

Back at the station, Kelly was heading for a shower when the next call rang out.

"What the hell?" he said throwing his sweaty clothes back on not believing they were at it again.

Things really heated up with this call. Fire in a brownstone, small really and someone injured inside.

Casey and Cruz led Shay and Dawson quickly up the stairs. Victim on the second floor.

"Stay close," Casey commanded leading the paramedics, checking for any instabilities in the stairs, hot spots in the walls. All looked good. Deceivingly so. Kelly brought up the rear with Shay right in front of him.

They saw the young woman as soon as they got up on two. She was sprawled out with blood seeping from her head, a small pool had formed.

"Severide, you see that wall?" asked Casey pointing to a wall down the hallway with a little stream of smoke seeping from it.

"On it!" yelled Kelly rushing to investigate.

He broke though the hotspot and was met with a rush of flames. He ducked in time and felt a little heat on the back of his neck.

"Severide!" yelled Casey rushing to his friend.

"I'm good!" Kelly called out. "It missed me, but we gotta get outta here. Now!"

They ran back to Shay and Dawson who were working frantically on their victim. She was unresponsive, but the pair were doing everything in their power to bring her back. They had a weak pulse and with it a little hope of her pulling through.

"We've gotta move!" yelled Casey with renewed urgency. "The fire's in the walls." The small fire had turned into a raging inferno.

Cruz and Casey grabbed the stretcher and began rushing down the stairs with the paramedics and Kelly following. They got half way down when their next steps were met with a crushing sound as the stairs collapsed before their eyes.

Kelly whipped around and led them back up to two. He passed the second floor and kept going to three, all the while snapping at Boden for a ladder to get them on three.

"Get a window open!" he instructed Shay knowing they had a few minutes at best. The terror in her eyes caused a calm to come over him. No way in hell he was letting anything happen to her. Not gonna happen, he thought.

"Hey, you're fine. You're gonna be out of here in a minute," he told her reassuringly, giving her a little peck on the cheek as he helped Casey and Cruz with the stretcher.

Really, thought Cruz.

Shay could see the ladder from below coming their way to rescue them and relief swept over her. Kelly pushed Dawson out first, and she booked it down the ladder. That girl could fly. Shay was next.

"Hurry up, okay," she told Kelly as she took her first few steps. He nodded resisting the urge to tell HER to hurry the hell up.

Cruz went out next waiting for the two firemen to start the arduous process of getting that stretcher down. Casey and Kelly held the other end, pushing it forward with Cruz grabbing the other end. It was a precarious climb down with the stretcher resting on the ladder. It kept swaying one way then the other with the three firemen using every bit of strength to keep it and themselves on that ladder.

Shay and Dawson tensely watched this balancing act, praying for a good outcome and hoping the woman was still alive.

They were halfway down, slow going, when the stretcher swung like a pendulum to Kelly's side hitting him in the knee throwing him off balance. He had about a second to react. He couldn't grab the stretcher; he knew that would send the woman face down to the pavement. Casey was also not an option; he was holding the stretcher barely keeping his own balance.

Kelly made a reach for the ladder, grabbing at the rungs, but feeling them slip through his fingers. Pavement was coming and quick.

Casey wanted to let go of the stretcher but held on only able to watch his friend fall. Cruz shouted, "Severide!" but also could do nothing but watch Kelly tumble.

As Kelly fell, he wasn't really scared. Yes, adrenaline rush, and he hoped he wasn't injured, but he knew it wasn't a fatal distance or anything. He could right his body, land feet first, and bend his knees. The force threw him to the side, his shoulder taking most of the second impact after his legs cushioned the first. His arms were up cradling his head. That's when he felt and heard a loud pop in his right shoulder. Yeah, he felt it alright. That unmistakable pain when your shoulder is dislocated out of its original position, out of its socket that holds it so well all of the time. Or most of the time.

Dawson began running towards Kelly as soon as she knew what was happening. She saw the stretcher hit him, and that's when she moved. Shay followed, her heart up in her throat.

He was sitting up cradling his arm trying not to move it at all the pain in his shoulder screaming at him.

He saw Casey and Cruz get off the ladder rushing the stretcher to the paramedics.

"I'm fine! Go. That woman's critical," said Kelly knowing Matt and Cruz would help him up in a minute.

Shay wanted to stay but knew he was right.

"Don't move! I mean it! Stay!" she commanded, reluctantly going to the lady who was still clinging to life. "Chief! Call for another ambo," she yelled out.

"Already done!" yelled Boden rushing over to Casey and Cruz huddled around squad's lieutenant.

"I'm fine!" repeated Kelly struggling to get to his feet, realizing no one was helping him.

"Sit your ass down!" barked Chief not allowing room for any arguing.

Kelly didn't take the cue.

"This is bullshit! Casey, help me up and pop it back in!" yelled Kelly looking directly at Boden.

Again he struggled to get up. Casey put a hand on his good shoulder and firmly pushed down.

"What don't you understand about 'don't move'?" asked Casey incredulously not believing his friend wanted him to just "pop it back in." Well, kinda believing it.

"Sit down or I'm gonna pop something, and it's NOT your shoulder," yelled Boden again giving Kelly one of his crazy eyes, don't mess with me looks.

Kelly stayed down.

The other ambulance pulled up and two paramedics rushed out straight to Severide. It was always priority number one when a firefighter was injured. They were glad to see him sitting up, looking pissed, no blood.

"What happened? Where do you hurt?" asked one of the paramedics. He slowly eased Kelly's arm down to gently take off his coat.

Kelly moaned in pain, so Casey answered for him.

"Fell off that ladder, 'bout halfway down, 20 feet maybe. Landed on his feet, shoulder took most of the impact, heard a loud pop. He hasn't gotten up yet, so check his legs too."

"Aaahhh!" yelled Kelly as one of the paramedics put a hand on the offending shoulder pushing down.

"Matt, just pop it back in and we'll get the hell outta here!" pleaded Kelly a look of rising panic in his eyes.

There is no way they are taking me to the hospital, back to that hospital, thought Kelly. He would never step foot in that place again. At least not while he was conscious.

Casey knew as soon as he looked in Kelly's eyes what was going through his mind. That fear wasn't about the injury, not about seeing a doctor, not about getting his shoulder fixed. It was about going to the hospital where Renee and the baby had died. Going back to the place where they had entered barely alive but left gone from this earth forever. Shit.

"Hey, I'm going with you. I'm gonna be there. Shay is already there waiting for you." Casey did just want to pop that damn shoulder back, but he knew Kelly had to be checked out. He could have a stress fracture; they could really damage the shoulder if they tried to play orthopedic specialist. No way around it. Severide was going to the hospital.

When Kelly saw Casey's resigned look of someone doing something he didn't want to do, he began to really freak out. He tried to get up again holding his arm so tight, pushing the hands on him away, gaining momentum.

Kelly was breathing heavily, sweating, his eyes darting around for an escape. He had the look of a caged animal trying to get away. Casey put his hand on Kelly's good arm trying to gently hold him in place. Kelly yanked back hard and felt a pain in his ankle he didn't realize he had. As he tried to limp away, Boden and the paramedics grabbed whatever limb they could reach bringing the lieutenant to his knees in pain.

Kelly was using everything he had to not get into that ambo. He was flailing his arms around, pushing back at the hands grabbing at him, all while still on his knees. Cruz just stood to the side, shifting his weight from one foot to the other nervously muttering to himself. He wanted to push them all out of the way and wrap his arms around the lieutenant, but he knew one more pair of hands in the mix would not be welcome.

Everyone from 51 was gathered around watching the miserable scene before them. Seeing the tough as nails Severide crumble before their eyes was too much. They were immobile, not knowing what to do, how to help.

Hermann thought he was gonna jump out of his skin. God, I gotta do somethin, he thought. He knew Kelly was Cindy's favorite, along with Shay. What the hell would she do?

Finally he ran forward yelling at the paramedics.

"Just knock him out! Put him down! C'mon, give him somethin!" Hermann screamed.

One of the EMTs rifled through supplies, filled a syringe with Versed, and plunged it into Kelly's thigh. Its effect was immediate. They used it on their most combative patients and had never had to use it on one of "the good guys."

Boden, Casey, Cruz, all slumped over feeling like they'd been hit with the sedative. Hermann helped the paramedics get Kelly on the stretcher and into the ambulance. Casey climbed in patting Hermann on the back, so thankful for his quick thinking.

Casey just looked at Kelly, so peaceful now, with the paramedic wrapping his arm and shoulder to keep it immobile. Then doing the same with his ankle. The EMT finally slumped back with a deep sigh and smiled at Casey.

"I'm sure there's a story behind this," he said thinking about how you could never predict the outcome of any call. He certainly hadn't expected this.

Casey just nodded his head.

* * *

**Ending, part one. I know, I know, I keep saying last chapter. The next one is the last. Do you want it posted now or wait? **


	15. Chapter 15

**This is the second half of the last chapter. Thank you to those who read and review. Bookswineandcheese- quick posting for you! Enjoy.**

* * *

In the ER, Shay and Dawson were waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Jesus, thought Shay, they should've been here ages ago. Dislocated shoulder - no biggie. Casey better not have popped it back, and they all headed to the staton. She could see them laughing their asses off at the thought of the paramedics sitting in the ER.

She texted Kelly again, then Casey again, then Boden again. No response. None of them wanted to tell her what happened.

The paramedics rushed Kelly in on the stretcher met by the ER doc on call.

"Bloody hell, what's this?" the doctor asked clearly confused by the sight of the fireman unconscious. She was told squad's lieutenant was being brought in with an injured shoulder only.

"We had to give him Versed to knock him out. Dislocated shoulder, ankle sprain maybe a break, that's it," one of the paramedics explained.

"He freaked out a little. Doesn't like hospitals," added Casey needing to offer up some sort of explanation. This fell short.

Shay was at Kelly's side pushing the doctor out of the way.

"What did you do to him, Sandoval?" screamed Shay into one of the EMTs faces. Someone she apparently knew.

"Leslie, he was outta control. A little freak out is an understatement!"

"Kelly, can you hear me? Check his vitals!" yelled Shay again this time at the doctor.

"Brilliant idea. If you will simply move out of the way, I will," answered the doctor, anger quickly rising, pushing Shay out of the way.

"He's fine. Put him in bay two. Everyone else, wait over there!" this woman was not messing around.

"I hate her. And what's with the accent?" Shay asked Dawson.

"I'm sure it's fake just to piss you off," commented Gabby with a small smile.

"It was bad," said Casey to both ladies. "So bad. I should have popped it back. Jesus, he can't be in here."

Boden wrapped an arm around truck's lieutenant. "No, he needs to get checked out. This won't be the last time he's brought in here. Occupational hazard."

Hermann, Cruz, Mouch and Otis rushed in, all worried about Severide. No one could get that scene out of their brains.

"Well?" asked Hermann for all of them.

"He just got taken back by some stuck up bi..." started Shay.

"Quite true," finished the doctor already returning to update the friends. "I'm Dr. Olivia Thomas. I'm taking care of Mr. Severide," she held out her hand to anyone who would take it.

Otis shook it first. Her looks were not lost on him. "Do I detect a British accent?" he asked with a warm smile.

"Yes, I'm English. Here with an exchange program for at least six months perhaps longer."

"Can we find out about Mr. Severide now?" asked Shay impatiently interrupting.

"Certainly. He had a dislocated shoulder. I readjusted it while he was unconscious. I've ordered an X-ray of the ankle, but I believe it is a sprain based on swelling. I would like to address his need for sedation, as well."

"It's really none of your business. Just fix him. We'll take him home." Shay needed to get Kelly out of there. If there was a way for him to just wake up at home, she would have done it.

"Um, very well. He should be coming to as we speak..."

"And you just left him!" Shay pushed her out of the way and headed for bay two.

Severide was waking up, remembering what unfolded at the brownstone. He groggily looked around the area he was in, realizing he was in the hospital.

He rubbed his eyes with one hand, attached to the uninjured arm. Then he felt around his sore shoulder aware that the excruciating pain was gone, just sore now, really sore.

More and more of what happened was becoming clearer in his mind. Jesus, all the men saw, he thought with a sinking feeling.

Kelly always made a point of never letting the men, his men, see any weakness. Never. Period.

Confidence, check.

Sure of himself, more than sure.

Cocky, definitely.

Not this. How can I ever face them again, he thought. I can't. Won't.

Kelly also realized he was in the hospital and nothing was happening. The world was not coming to an end. He was in an area that looked nothing like where Renee had been, his baby. Was it incredibly sad? Yes. But so was the apartment, the firehouse, really anywhere he stopped long enough to remember them.

Shay rushed in followed by Casey, Boden, Hermann, Cruz, with Dawson, Mouch and Otis trying to squeeze in also.

Finally, a tall brunette in a white lab coat pushed her way forward.

"Mr. Severide. I'm Dr. Olivia Thomas. How do you feel?" Shay didn't like the way the doctor had her hand on Kelly's good arm.

"Um, fine. You fixed the shoulder. Thanks." Kelly felt the heavy stares bearing down on him. All eyes surveying him.

"Wonderful. I will escort you up to three to get the ankle X-rayed, as well. Then off with you. Sound good?"

"Sorry, I was such a pain in the ass," mumbled Kelly embarrassed with what went down.

"That's rubbish. You've been nothing but a gentleman with me. Unconscious, but a gentleman nonetheless," laughed Dr. Thomas smiling broadly.

Hmmm, the idea that the British had bad teeth seemed to be a misconception, thought Otis now entirely in love.

"Let's get this over with," said Kelly keeping it together for his friends, but ready to get the hell out of there.

Bad sprain, just as the doctor suspected. Kelly had sent the crew home only Shay and Casey remaining.

Kelly and Dr. Thomas were laughing as they joined the waiting friends, ready to share the good news. The doctor was charmed with the Severide smile, those eyes. She saw the sadness in them. Only made her want to know more about this guy.

Olivia had been in the States for over a month and to say she had very little social life would be understating it. She'd made friends in the hospital, socialized with them a bit, but no one special.

"Repeat that and you will find yourself spending the night, sir!" laughed the doctor wheeling Kelly back.

Unbelievable, thought Shay. Kelly was smiling. It looked real.

"That a proposition?" Kelly replied getting up to leave.

Olivia pushed him back down lightly. "You know the procedure."

"Procedure?" laughed Kelly. "Everything you say sounds so damn formal, so smart."

Flirting? Was that flirting, thought Shay watching this wreck occur before her eyes.

Casey was just happy his friend seemed okay. He suspected it was for the benefit of the beautiful doctor and for them. He would never forget the look in Kelly's eyes when he was being carted off to that hospital. His men would never forget. He needed Kelly to try to forget.

Casey had a job ahead of him. He'd been there with Kelly every step of the way, wasn't going anywhere. Now he had to get his friend to realize that the guys thought no less of him. Hell, they probably thought more of him. He showed them he was human for once. Yeah, Casey had his work cut out for him.

"We'll take it from here," said Shay grabbing the wheelchair. "Thank you so much for ALL you've done Dr. Thomas," she added dripping with a sweetness Kelly and Casey had never heard.

Casey looked down at his friend, raising his eyebrows, not sure what was going on with Shay.

Kelly just shrugged his shoulders, then wishing he hadn't when he felt the piercing pain back.

Olivia followed behind walking Kelly all the way out. She was intrigued. This man had piqued her interest.

"Give me a ring, lieutenant, if your shoulder is still sore next week. Keep your foot elevated, ice it, twenty minutes at a time. You know the procedure," said the doctor a little timidly not sure what to add.

"There's that damn word again. If you're stayin' for a while you gotta change that up. Say 'you know the drill, the routine.' Something more American." Kelly limped forward to the waiting car, Boden in the driver's seat, called by Casey.

"That's rubbish! You realize I'm English? Just listen to instructions and give me a ring if you are so inclined."

"I'm inclined," said Kelly with that devilish grin. He was intrigued as well. Interest piqued too.

Shuffling into the car, Kelly turned around to see Olivia waving at him.

Shay didn't wait until they got home. She planned to but couldn't do it.

"What is up with that? With her? She seemed so snobby, so 'bloody' snobby."

"Can we do this when we get home? Because, you know, that's what I need right now...you bitchin' at me." The little high Kelly felt just a few seconds earlier was leaving him like the air in a balloon.

"Are you going to date her or something?" Shay was at it like a pit bull. She had the throat and wasn't letting go.

"She made me feel good, Shay. Made me forget what that place means to me. Is that so damn bad?"

Casey and Boden remained quiet, but Matt desperately wanted Shay to shut up. He grabbed her hand in the back seat as a silent hint. She yanked it away.

Kelly began rubbing his shoulder a little. Pain was obviously an issue. His head was down, had the look of a defeated man.

"She kinda likes me. Or somethin'." Kelly looked back at his roommate.

She didn't say anything. She put a hand on Kelly's shoulder when he turned back to face the front. Quit being a bitch, she thought. Do you want your best friend happy or not? If you love him, there's the answer. If he'll be happy with a damn eggplant I'm gonna support it.

"Dammit, Kelly. Every woman likes you, stupid. Do you like her?" she was hoping the answer was no, but she knew it wouldn't be.

"I don't know. I wouldn't mind findin' out."

Casey helped Kelly upstairs. He wanted to stay and talk, but the look on Severide's face told him it would keep.

Kelly closed his eyes. He saw the face of Olivia Thomas. His eyes snapped open.

Shocked.

Soft knock on the door. Shay came in not waiting for an answer. She walked to the side of his bed gently placing an ice pack on his shoulder another on his ankle.

Shay held Kelly's hand locking her fingers in his hand. Looking at his handsome face, she needed to see it happy. Memories of them laughing, having fun came flooding through her. Jealousy now under control. He needed something more, deserved it.

"You should give her a ring or call or something." she said softly.

"I don't think I can," said Kelly with a frown on his face.

"Yes you can. I'm glad you're back, Kelly, so much stronger. You are strong enough." Shay wanted him to believe he deserved it, happiness. She would push as much as he accepted. He could not be done forever, ruined, sad. No, she would have to push.

_-0-_

_"How the hell could she do this to me?" yelled Kelly not believing the terrible secret he'd uncovered._

_"Calm down," said Andy trying to say the right thing knowing this was going to hurt. "You know nothin' for sure yet. Why would she do it, now? Don't get it."_

_"Renee slept with Heath! I know it. I feel it. Damn, why?" Kelly just looked at his feet wanting to beat something or someone to death. "Why, Andy?"_

_Darden had no answer. Why? It was the question running through his mind since he'd first suspected, had that gnawing feeling in his gut. Kelly had been so happy, happiest he'd seen his best friend._

_"It could be a misunderstanding," tried Andy hoping against hope his words would prove true._

_"I love her," Kelly mumbled seeing all his future plans evaporate like a morning mist dissipating with the sun. The one time I completely commit, I'm all in, and this is what happens? Bullshit, thought Kelly._

_"I know, buddy. I know," answered Andy reaching out to his friend._

_He pulled him in tight. Kelly's fists clenched so tight, his jaw set, teeth grinding together. Andy squeezed harder feeling the tension give. Kelly broke, tears coming, and hating Renee even more for it._

_"I saw his car pullin' away from her place," Kelly started to explain. "She said it wasn't him, but I knew it was."_

_"Hey, it's gonna be okay. You did everything right. Sshhhh," said Andy not sure what to say wishing Kelly's mom was alive. Corinne would have had the perfect words._

_"We're gettin' married in three days," whispered Kelly shaking his head. "What the hell am I supposed to do?"_

_"You are talkin' to her tonight. You don't deserve this shit." Andy had to give it to him straight. Time for the truth._

_"Do you think she did it?"_

_"Yes. I'm sorry Kelly, but yes." Darden paused thinking of what to say next. "She said she was at her mom's last week, but then her mom calls lookin' for her."_

_"I know. I don't wanna know, but I do. Dammit, why?"_

_"There's no why, Kelly. You did everything right," he repeated trying to drill it into that thick skull. "Hey, you deserve way better."_

_Kelly took off to Renee's house. Darden knew then there would be no wedding. Kelly had a sense of right and wrong that would never accept this, never forgive it._

_Damn Renee, he thought. That girl always had something in her that wouldn't let a good thing happen. Things going really good, time to do something to screw it up. Andy had seen that from day one, but Kelly was so in love._

_He watched Kelly's car fade away in the distance and couldn't help but feel his friend's happiness fading away as well. He hoped Kelly would get it back, find love again. Please don't let this ruin him, prayed Andy._

_-0-_

It was almost one month later when Kelly entered that damn hospital again. 27 days. It took 27 days of Shay pushing to get him to do it.

Truck parked out front, good excuse for making this quick. In and out. Clean getaway.

Kelly walked into the ER scanning the rush of people busy with everything from simple stitches to defibrillating a patient back to life. He saw her within ninety seconds. Shay had made sure the doctor was on shift doing everything she could to ensure success.

Kelly had that trademark grin on his face, the one that both melted and broke hearts, the one that had disappeared for so long. As he walked to the doctor that made him feel better, emotionally and physically, he had a little of that Severide confidence back.

Olivia saw Kelly a few seconds after he saw her.

"Lieutenant, what have you done to yourself this time?" she asked scanning his body looking for some sign of injury.

"Nothin'. In the neighborhood, thought I'd offer to show you around the city," Kelly was still smiling.

"Fancy that. I thought I had seen the last of Mr. Severide. I'm actually working right now, so..." began Olivia.

"Oh, not now. Truck's outside, I'm on shift. Off the next three days. Interested in a tour?" Kelly could see this was going well. Olivia had a huge smile on her face and was hanging on his every word.

"Would this proposition involve food?" asked Olivia definitely interested in the tour among other things.

"I was thinkin' an all day thing, so yeah, if that sounds good. Can I call you tomorrow morning?"

Olivia took a card out of her coat pocket and wrote her cell on the back. "I look forward to your call," she said realizing the stares the two had garnered.

"Well, gotta go. Call you in the mornin," said Kelly giving the doctor a quick peck on the cheek.

"Yes, I need to attend to my patients," said Olivia embarrassed now that all in the ER knew what was going on. "Kelly," she called out as he walked away. She walked over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm looking forward to it, to our date, to our hanging out."

Kelly laughed at her choice of words. A real, eyes crinkling a little shut, laugh. Felt so good.

"I'm lookin' forward to our hangin' out too," he said embracing her in a hug this time.

Kelly bounded out of the hospital giving the guys a thumbs up. They cheered as he entered the truck. He couldn't wait for this shift to end, for the night to be over, for it to be morning.

He didn't realize that he was doing the proverbial "moving on." He just knew he was looking forward to something in the future. For the first time in a long, long time, Kelly was looking forward to tomorrow. Eating a big bowl of cereal and calling that gorgeous doctor with the kind eyes and uptight vocabulary.

The accident hadn't killed him. For some reason he would never ever understand, he lived to see another day, many more days. The tragedy ended up not ruining him either. Andy Darden's prayer was finally fulfilled so many years later. Kelly was better, stronger than ever.

The guys smiled as their lieutenant said he wanted to drive. Kelly Severide was back.

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**Hope you liked the ending! It just became an animal of its own getting longer and longer. I'm going to write a sequel with Kelly exploring a new relationship with Olivia. He definitely deserves a little happiness - maybe a whole lot of happiness.**

**Before that fanfic, I'm going to write a just for fun story, pairing...wait for it...Severide and Dawson! I've only read one short fic with these two, so I want to have a little fun with it. We need something to hold us over until the season premiere on Sept. 24.**

**Please leave me a note before you go. Thank you to my usual suspects who always give feedback. Love you!**


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